#im trying to narrow it down to at least seven since that’s how many i did with Nate and Fontaine

[headfullof-ideas]

Drawing some Ant and Kari Incorrect Quotes, and I spent a whole day relearning how to draw Ant with his hair out of his face again. Because I’ve been doing a lot of work on my Httyd crossover, and at the point in the story I’m at now, his hair isn’t out of his face. So switching from ‘hair down Ant’ to ‘hair up Ant’ was a little bit of a challenge

[slightlyunconventional]

hello everybody. i have returned once again from my writing cave with a piece of what i can only call SHAME. this is the most self-indulgent thing i have ever produced it is pure filth (it's not really that bad) and it's also inspired by these tags from a reblog!! thank you kindly @choofeyrac :D this is dedicated to you

bound (a.k.a. k/az b/rekker is stubborn, i/nej possibly has the kink and im horny. enjoy)

K/az’s brain was saying one thing over and over - how in all hell did I get to this point? He was on his chair at his desk, blazer and waistcoat discarded on the floor, so he was simply in a crisp white shirt and black tie… with his hands tied behind his back. He was still in disbelief as to how and why he agreed to this. Cockiness had clearly got the best of him as he agreed to the bet I/nej proposed.

“Saints, Kaz, how many times have I told you to stop doing that?” she’d said, after a particularly prolonged fit of pinched-off stifles.

“More than I care to count. I’m fine,” he’d replied shortly, still sniffling.

Inej had raised an eyebrow. “You’re fine?”

He’d nodded.

“So those aren't seasonal allergies you’re suffering?” she had asked testily.

“That’s right.”

“You’re willing to bet on that?” Inej had felt rather playful that afternoon, so she’d pressed on.

Kaz had hesitated, then nodded again. “Alright.”

“Fine. Here, tomorrow evening. Seven bells exactly.”

Kaz had no idea what he had just gotten himself into, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to back down. Inej knew exactly what she wanted, and she knew she’d stop at nothing to get it.

To say Kaz was surprised when Inej was tying his hands together behind his back with a length of wide ribbon was an understatement. The gentle work of her fingers and the mist of her warm breath on his skin sent shivers up his spine. He was sure he felt her weave the satin into a bow - was it a mockery or an indulgence? Admittedly, he wasn’t particularly opposed to it either way.

Inej left the room, leaving Kaz to wonder what to do or even think. He felt rather ridiculous, hands tied, sitting at his desk in an empty room. How in all hell did I get to this point? Moments later, Inej returned with a sizable bouquet under her arm. She kicked the door shut and slid the lock into place.

“Worried yet?” she asked teasingly.

“Not at all.”

Inej smirked. “You might want to loosen your tie,” she said, nodding toward his chest.

Kaz paused, regarding her. He knew she was waiting for him to crack, but he wasn’t about to give in this early.

“I think I’ll be fine,” he said, tone flat and calm as ever.

“Suit yourself.”

Kaz folded one leg over the other, leaning back slightly in his chair as comfortably as his bound hands allowed him. He watched as Inej placed the large bunch of flowers onto the desk in front of him. He remained composed, glancing down at the flowers then back up at Inej. She simply watched.

It would be a lie if Kaz said he wasn’t at least somewhat bothered by the flowers on the desk - they were barely two feet in front of his face, for Saints’ sake. There was the faintest trace of an itch somewhere deep in his sinuses, but that wasn’t coming to fruition if he had anything to do with it. His eyes were already watering. Maybe this won’t be as easy as I expected, he thought.

“Nothing?” Inej said with a slight smile, “What a shame.”

Kaz narrowed his eyes. What was she trying to do?

“I hoped those flowers and all that tiny, tickly pollen would have at least done something to you,” she said in mocking pity, “Just imagine it all - so close to that sensitive nose of yours, feeling in every single corner, making you really, really want to-”

His breath caught.

“There it is,” Inej said, smiling. She hadn’t broken eye contact since placing the bouquet down.

Kaz refused to succumb. He ignored the stutter of his chest and the featherlike feeling in his sensitive nose. He dared a sniff, but instantly regretted it. Three staggering gasps escaped him as the fire in his sinuses grew.

“hhH-hUH-hhuUhH--!”

Inej stepped forward. “What was that?” she teased, “Need to sneeze?”

Kaz ignored her. She picked up the bouquet and sat on Kaz’s desk in its place, now holding the flowers in her lap. His chest was rising and falling quickly now with irritated, desperate gasps of breath. He did need to sneeze, terribly.

“You know you can just admit defeat now and save your dignity, right?” she said, knowing full well he wouldn’t.

Kaz drew in a deep, sharp breath, unable to hold back any longer. He quickly turned his head to the side, pressing the side of his nose awkwardly into his shoulder in a last ditch attempt at stifling.

“-hhaaAHH--huh’GNKT-shHUHh!”

“Still trying to be quiet, are we?” Inej teased, “How very polite of you.”

He fought not to roll his eyes. Inej leaned forward, and in turn so did the flowers in her lap. She whispered to him, mere millimetres from his face.

“I want you to sneeze for me.”

As if on command, a second sneeze burst from Kaz, harsh and uncovered.

“hAHh’aAHSCHHIEWw!”

Inej smiled in satisfaction. “There you go.”

He wasn’t done. The bouquet in her lap was wreaking absolute havoc as his breath snagged sharply once again.

“hhaAHDt-!!”

Nothing happened. Kaz sat in desperate anticipation, mouth open, eyes heavily lidded, nose scrunching up in tortured irritation. He felt a single allergic tear slip from his eye and down his cheek.

“Is it stuck?” Inej asked in that same pitying tone from before, “How about I help you out?”

Inej slid a single pink flower from the bouquet. Holding it by the stem, she trailed its head slowly and gently along the smooth ridge of Kaz’s right cheekbone. A few tiny hitching breaths, but no more.

“Still nothing? Hm.”

Inej led the flower and placed its head between Kaz’s eyebrows. She watched his desperation for a moment, before tracing the blossom slowly down the perfect slope of his nose. A bigger gasp. Inej was never one to leave a job unfinished - so she delicately tapped the reddened tip of Kaz’s nose with the flower. He recoiled, chest heaving.

“Hh-huhH-hhaAEHh---hAHH’HZZSCHHIEW! haH’ESSCHHHiew! hah-haHH’SCHHHUuh!”

Three violent sneezes, aimed directly downwards. The force of them bent him nearly in half at the waist and they left a fine mist of spray floating in the air. Inej breathed a quiet laugh, still leaned in close.

“I’ve never heard you sneeze like that before,” she said, almost incredulously.

“Are we done here?” Kaz asked breathlessly. Inej smirked.

“Done? We’re barely getting started.”

Inej caught the way the last drops of evening sun illuminated Kaz’s features; his coffee-brown eyes and positively destroyed nose - it was red-rimmed and damp around the edges, a state Kaz wouldn't be seen dead in otherwise. She was prepared to take all the remains of his dignity and leave them in smithereens on the floor. He was desperate, irritated, allergic, and he was under her command.

She turned back to the bouquet of flowers, scanning it. A small purple flower was selected, its petals coated in a fine layer of pollen grains, sure to reignite the embers in Kaz’s poor sinuses.

Turning back to face him, she murmured to Kaz, “Ready?”

He didn’t really have a choice. He nodded slowly.

“I don’t want to hear a sound,” she said, “hold it back for me.”

“You want me to do that without my hands?”

Inej nodded. She took Kaz’s nervous silence as an invitation to introduce the flower to his face. She trailed its tiny purple petals across his nose, sliding it down the bridge, using it to trace the rims of his nostrils. It left behind its miniscule particles of pollen. She had to admit his poor nose looked adorable scattered with the yellow traces.

It was barely moments before Kaz was hitching desperately again.

“Hahh…hAHh--!”

“Ah-ah. What did I say?” Inej said softly, her voice smooth and golden like honey.

Kaz’s eyes met hers in desperation. They were brimming with tears now.

“I-I… cah.. cahHIH’KTSCHHhiew! Hah.. haAHt- !”

Clearly Kaz was inexperienced at holding back hands-free. Inej pressed her forefinger firmly beneath his wrinkled nose. A sound escaped him - half a hitching breath, half a gasp of surprise.

“Hold it.” she said firmly.

To his credit, he really did try. He managed to regulate the next few sharp gasps, though his nose still burned with the fiery tickle, and his chest still stuttered with every tiny breath he took. Inej revelled in the image of him. He was at a total loss of control. It drove Inej crazy seeing the man she’d known to be the most pristine, sharp-cut, and composed thief in the whole of Ketterdam looking so desperate, so tortured, so incredible.

Her thoughts were cut off by Kaz’s harsh sneeze, the messy explosion crushed into her index finger.

“haH’GNKTSCHhuh! Guh… sorry.”

“Oh?” Inej cocked her head teasingly. “Sorry for what, pray tell?”

“For not- '' Kaz caught himself and closed his mouth, glaring as menacingly as he could through his allergic haze. He was still stubborn, despite having unravelled himself at his own desk in front of Inej.

She smiled. “Let’s try one more time. This time, I’ll keep the flower there, especially for you.”

He’d rather she didn’t do that. Inej picked the purple flower back up, trailing it in a figure-eight shape around his nostrils, watching its tiny grains of pollen cascade across Kaz’s reddened nose.

“H-hahh…”

“Careful there.”

Kaz repeatedly told himself he didn’t need to sneeze, didn’t want to sneeze.

“hh…ahHh-”

Inej softened her touch with the flower, tracing his nose with feather-light pressure. The itch intensified tenfold.

“Hold it for me,” Inej whispered again.

Kaz’s breathing stuttered.

“Hahh… haAHh.. p-pleahhse-!”

Inej froze. A sly smile split her face.

“What was that, Kaz?”

He could barely get a word in between heaving breaths. He shook his head.

“I won’t take no for an answer. Say that again.”

“I… ‘Nej, I-I… cah-cahhHn’t–!”

Inej was having the time of her life teasing him. “Use your words. You can’t what, Kaz?”

“C-cahh… haAHh–!”

Inej took this chance to gently poke one or two of the flower’s petals just barely inside Kaz’s nose. A sound escaped him that she never thought she’d hear - a hitch of breath so desperately vocal that it was bordering being a moan. Her face grew hot.

Kaz’s mouth was hanging wide open now, and tears were streaming down his face. He tried immensely to hold out for even just a few moments more, but it was to no avail.

“ahH’HKKSCHHIEW! hAH’SZZCHHUH! hhaAHH’SSCHIEW-ISCHHIEW-ISHHhiew!”

The sneezes volleyed through him mercilessly, tripping over one another and snapping him forward. He was forced to sneeze openly, messily, straight down into his lap, and they just wouldn’t stop. All Inej could do was watch in fascination.

“‘SCHHIEW! haH-hAHH’SZZSCHHh! hhH’ISCHHhuh!”

Kaz gestured as frantically as he could with his bound hands, hoping to signal to Inej for her to untie the ribbon. She hesitated, basking in his loss of control, but decided it best to free his hands. He’d been tortured enough. Inej went to his back, carefully undoing the bow and knots in the silky length of red ribbon. The very second the ribbon was gone, Kaz’s hands shot up to his face, slender fingers swiping away the remaining pollen that had scattered itself in and around his nose. He was still sneezing, rapid outbursts punctuating his every move.

“hAH’ISCHHhiew! ‘KZZSCHHHh!”

He tore open a drawer in his desk and produced from it a black handkerchief. Pressing it firmly to his face, he muffled a series of itchy-sounding sneezes before using it to blow his nose.

“huH’nNKSCHIEW! aH’DJSCHHh!”

Inej didn’t know someone so reserved even had the capacity to sneeze so loudly. Her face was still warm.

Kaz sighed, still constantly sniffling wetly.

“Right, you’ve-” He raised a single finger. “huHh..-haAH’IZZSCHHHiew! Saints. You’ve had your fun,” he said breathlessly, “now get out of my sights.”

“I think we’ll call that a win for me, don’t you think?” Inej said with a teasing smile.

Kaz rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

[everseeking]

hello!! It's your relief story anon!!! i friken love what you wrote!!! may i have another request 🥺 similar to the relief story, Levi's s/o gets into a near death experience right in front of him and he freezes for the first time. everyone's super shocked abt it after the mission and he gets reprimanded just for formalities (erwin n hanji rlly just wanna check up on him personally) but they all understand since he's been through a lot. Levi can't deal with his emotions and he wants to say i love you to his s/o (first time saying it) but he doesn't know how and yes HAHAHAHA

- OMG HI AGAIN ! IM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ENJOYED IT THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!!! thank you again not only for requesting that, but also for requesting again, it’s so awesome when u guys come back and request more :) plus your ideas are always so great. i had a lot of fun writing this, i hope u enjoy <3 (and i got your second message tysm for adding it ! i tried to include as much fluff as possible but my dumb brain always defaults to angst hahaha)

how to say i love you

- levi ackerman x reader

warnings: season 2 and ova spoilers (if you haven’t watched the ova’s yet they’re on youtube but this only references ‘a choice with no regrets’ aka levi’s ova)

levi has never had...feelings for anyone before.

the romantic kind, of course. he's felt plenty of things towards people on a regular basis—anger. hate. disgust. confusion. annoyance. frustration.

to be fair he has had the occasional friend, or the occasional person who he respected, and others who he flat out wanted to protect. just never anything romantic.

this didn’t bother him, falling in love wasn’t his top priority or anything. his life has been one traumatic experience after the other. there was no time for him to be romantically involved with another, nor was he willing to take the risk of potential heartbreak that would add to his constantly growing list of traumatic events.

when he first met y/n l/n he acknowledged her as nothing more than another member of the survey corps. someone he would work with. someone he would train with. someone who he would give orders to if deemed necessary. someone who would join his team. someone he would slowly become more curious about. someone who would bring him feelings that he couldn't describe in words.

his plans had clearly gone astray.

y/n was supposed to be nothing more than a colleague, but somehow fate had much more in store. the young girl began to appear more and more in his life and before he could even process it, she was already apart of his team.

now that the they were spending almost everyday together, along with the rest of his team, levi had the opportunity to try to solve the mystery that was y/n.

there was something that he felt about her that he couldn't put into words. the way she was determined to save humanity and her friends, the way she poured everything she had into everything she did, the way she was strong in every aspect of the word, the way she got along with the rest of the team, the way she laughed, the way she smiled, the way she spoke, the way she moved, all of it. it all encapsulated him.

what is this emotion ? fascination ? curiosity ? these words weren’t completely right, but they safe enough for him to settle on for now.

yes, that's all. the brat just makes me curious because i don't understand her.

at least, that's what he told himself. but the tingles that remained on his skin from the place where she accidentally brushed up against him or the way his stomach felt after his eyes met hers or the way he noticed himself always wanting to be near her or the way he wanted to protect her more than anything in the world, said otherwise.

whatever message he wanted to send probably definitely was not passed on. when y/n accidentally brushed up against him he snapped back "watch it." when she made eye contact with him, it was more her meeting his eyes and him seemingly glaring back. when he took a few steps towards her to be closer, she felt paranoid, wondering if he was determining whether or not he should scold her for something. when she was on missions and he occasionally had to step in and save her tail, she felt like she was slacking.

truthfully in all these situations levi just resorted back to his true nature. he never meant any harm so clearly he wasn’t the best at expressing his feelings. henceforth, the three word phrase was foreign to him.

after all the many challenges that came with trying to understand each other, the couple finally got together. but despite being together, neither had said the 'L word’ yet. 

to be honest, y/n hadn’t dwelled on it too much. she had learned the best way to survive mentally was to live in the moment. when the time would come, the time would come, however, the thought that time wasn’t a guarantee gnawed at the back of her brain.  she always wondered how levi felt about the matter, but never got around to asking. little did he know he’d once again find out for himself that time wasn’t a guarantee.

just like every other day, y/n awoke to levi placing a kiss on her forehead. he wished nothing more than to let the love of his life sleep late into the morning in their shared bed, safe from the dangers of the world, but there was another mission today in which he needed her by his side.

the plan was to head to the outskirts of wall rose to a forest that was known to be surrounded by titans. hanji convinced erwin to let her try to capture titans in the forest again, as it all but worked on the female titan. erwin agreed, not only because he too believed the survey corps had all the materials necessary to capture titans again, but also because he knew the scouts needed more real time practice in the forest. levi wasn’t happy to hear the commander refer to this as “practice,” since so many lives were guaranteed to be lost in the process, but there was nothing he could do about it.

with everyone’s approval and the preparations complete, they were off. the ride there had been as close to smooth sailing as possible, with erwin successfully rerouting the troops to avoid as many unnecessary collisions with titans as possible and a surprisingly low amount of abnormals in their path. but everyone knew the real problems would be up ahead.

in this area, the titans were mainly surrounding the thick trees in the forest. it wasn’t too far from the forest where they encountered the female titan so the layout of the jungle was fairly similar. a large path ran straight through the trees, leaving the scouts lots of opportunities.

before the forest itself came into view, the hoard otherworldly creatures showed up. the crowd of titans didn’t seem to be too bad, with none surpassing ten meters. a bit of the outer edges of the formation took a hit, but everyone else made it into the woods unscathed.

unlike the last time levi’s squad was in the forest, their objective was not to be the bait. instead, they were to take to the trees and be on clean up duty. it was a little different from their normal clean up duty, as they weren’t doing chores around the castle or cabin—they were eliminating stray titans. the survey corps was only prepared to capture two titans, so any others that entered needed to be exterminated.

they weren’t the only ones with this job, but erwin placed them as the last hoop the titans had to get through before they were captured. any titans that escaped the first few groups were more likely than not going to be challenging, so they needed to be left with the most talented squad.

the eight scouts that made up levi’s squad traveled the path that cut through the forest until they found the four trees in which they were to set up camp. levi and jean were on the first tree, armin and sasha on the one across from them, connie and mikasa on the next, and y/n and eren on the fourth. the formation placed y/n and levi diagonal from each other so they could each defend half of the younger scouts in their squad if necessary, as well as had the team in pairs that weren’t often together for even more practice.

the ground rumbled beneath the group as they looked down to see the first wave of soldiers acting as bait pass through. after some time and a few more waves, including hanji and erwin who were in charge of the traps, everyone passed through and the titans came into sight.

the ground troops had all reported that no abnormals or titans above ten meters made it in so they all relaxed—or relaxed as one can be when they’re facing man-eating giants. levi recognized the last troop passing through and gave his second in command a nod which she returned, letting everyone else know it was show time.

the rumbling of the ground from the horses before was nothing compared to that of the titans. not counting the first two, there were nine titans in all. everyone gave a silent thanks to the squads who had narrowed down the hoard before it arrived to them.

finally, the first two titans ran past the trees levi’s squad was hidden in, chasing the ground troops. with a loud “now !” from levi, the rest of them deployed from their hiding places. thanks to the squad’s impeccable teamwork and countless hours of training in forests closer to home, the remaining seven titans were taken out without a hitch. y/n couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride as she watched her team improve with every mission and it was obvious they all felt the same way. the way they beamed and had to hold back their celebration was as a clear as day.

the team regrouped, with y/n checking the younger members for any life threatening wounds and levi double checking all the titans were taken care of. she had just finished examining sasha when levi came back and announced the next step of today’s plan. everyone was to head forward to meet the other troops and aid in getting the titans back to the walls. although the titans may be secured, there were still infinite possibilities for catastrophes that could happen so they needed all the backup they could get. the young cadets nodded in agreement then followed after levi as he took to the sky, with y/n tailing the rest of the group. if y/n and levi weren’t side by side during missions, this was always the formation everyone fell into. levi led the way, protecting the front of the party, and she acted as the caboose to make sure no one got left behind as well as to protect them from the back.

after a few failed tricks from eren as he tried to show off with his gear and a quick scolding from levi, the rest of the scouts came into view. the mission appeared to be a success. the final two titans were both apprehended, one nailed to the ground and the other bound in the air.

squad levi landed and began to greet everyone but didn’t get very far when hanji’s squeals flooded everyone’s ears.

the scientist was practically bouncing up and down as she came over. “squad levi ! all in one piece, i see. let me show you what we’ve done,” she gushed, ushering all of them towards the titans.

it was no surprise she was so excited. she had been waiting for this day to arrive for ages, but levi still gave a quick “tch,” under his breath out of annoyance which forced y/n to cover her mouth with her palm to stifle a laugh.

the eight, now nine, of them cranned their necks up to see the side of the beast that was hammered into the ground. the sight would’ve been cruel if it were anything other than a titan, but remembering all the pain they’ve brought to each one of them, no one did so much as bat an eye. returning the focus back to hanji, everyone watched as she took a sharp inhale to prepare for her long ramble about how everything worked. lucky for y/n, before hanji could exhale, levi grabbed his partner’s arm and pulled her away.

he pulled her close so he could whisper in her ear, “come on, let’s go find erwin.”

as much as she wanted to argue with him and tell him he was being mean, she really didn’t want to listen to hanji’s spiel that she had heard a million times over. a tiny pang of guilt struck y/n for leaving the other half of the squad behind forced to listen to her, but sometimes everyone has to take one for the team.

she threw a quick wave over her shoulder to the others, then followed levi, who was still holding her arm, as he dragged her through the crowd of other scouts who were just floating around, waiting for orders, until he finally spotted the commander.

the tall man’s eyes fell upon the pair and he drew himself away from whomever he was speaking with to come greet them.

“ah levi, y/n,” erwin began. levi’s expression stayed the same but y/n offered the man a small smile and wave which he returned with a nod. erwin was actually the one who recommended to levi that he should consider y/n to be apart of his squad, so she heavily credited him entirely with starting your relationship with levi (even if levi disagreed every time she told him this). 

levi and erwin fell into formal conversation, discussing the remainder of the mission, which left y/n realizing levi hadn’t really saved her from a talk you’ve heard countless times before, but instead brought her into another one. 

hanji’s rambling would have been more interesting than this she thought to yourself as she began lazily scanned the small sea of scouts scrambling around, looking for a way to entertain yourself until the two men were done talking. one group in particular caught her eyes.

the soldiers seemed to be much more jittery than everyone else. they frantically looked amongst each other and towards the titan that hanji had just finished showing the rest of levi’s squad, and seemed to be contemplating a solution to an unknown issue.

it was clear something was up. 

just as she placed her hand on levi’s shoulder to bring his and erwin’s focus over to the scene, the ground began to shake, which caught their attention for her. 

no one had time to react when dust flew up everywhere, obstructing everyone’s views so they couldn’t see where the loud crashes that followed came from. a strong force slammed into them, throwing them who knows how far into the air. the fear of hitting the ground barely had enough time to settle into y/n before everything went dark.

everyone in the vicinity had been sent flying into the air along, but levi was the first one to be up on his feet again. bringing his arms up to shield his eyes, he decided to stay where he was as the dust cleared so he could assess the situation and move on from there. 

the scene finally came into view; he gathered that the titan had ripped its arm through the nails that secured it to the floor of the woods, then flailed it around in an attempt to grab people. it made a clean sweep in the area that he was previously standing—all that was left were debris and broken wood planks from the compartments that were attached to the other titan’s traps.

a wave of adrenaline passed through his body as he remembered who was with him. he needed to find not only erwin immediately, but also y/n. he reached down to grab the handles of his controller grip but froze instantly upon seeing what had just come into view as more of the dust cleared.

y/n was sprawled out on the ground, ODM gear tossed a few feet away from her body but more importantly, the titan’s hand was hovering mere meters above her.

his pulse almost quickened twicehold, but it felt as though it heart had stopped in his chest. situations like this presented themselves to levi almost everyday of his life, but this was much different. in those, he was almost two steps ahead. he knew that by now he should be wrapping his arms around y/n and pulling her to safety at breakneck speed, or even better, he should’ve shielded her from harm at the very beginning. but right now he couldn’t do so much as move his finger.

levi was completely inert—his arms felt like they being weighed down by a ball and chain, his legs felt like they had grown roots into the ground that planted in him place. his throat ran dry and his stomach felt like it had just done a flip. the rest of him went numb while shock consumed his body, physically and mentally, rendering him entirely helpless.

images of isabel, farlan, petra, oluo, eld, gunther, and countless others all flashed before him, the same running theme echoed in his mind—he wasn’t able to save them. all he had to do was pull back a single index finger. this would launch one of his anchors into the back of the titan’s neck, sending him flying to slice its nape. but he couldn’t do it. the only thing he knew he had the power to do was watch helplessly as his partner would be eaten alive.

the shouts of others flooded his ears as his senses slowly began to return to him, but it didn’t matter. he couldn’t make out a thing. frankly he wished he could so he could break away from the things that occupied his mind now. shame. guilt. humiliation. fear. regret. he took for granted every moment he had ever spent with y/n. every smile she gave him. every time he embraced her. every kiss. every conversation they shared under the stars while everyone else was fast asleep. every opportunity he had but failed to tell her that he—

before he finished his thought someone finally broke through his trance. erwin was the one who was able to crack the surface and bring him back to life. 

the commander was shouting levi’s name, hoping, praying, to wake him up from whatever was going on in his head. levi was still unable feel his body, but he realized he was moving as the ground began to grow smaller. one of erwin’s strong arms hooked around levi’s middle and they were flying away from the chaos below. the commander spared a glance to levi to see the man’s eyes were still trained on y/n.

the feeling returned to levi’s body as he felt the pain of being thrown onto one of the thick tree branches surge through his body. not knowing how else to bring him back from the trance that wasn’t full broken, erwin had tossed off of him levi instead of placing him down gently.

he watched as levi scrambled up and expected him to yell back for throwing him, but the response was much different.

“where is she ??” levi demanded. his eyes may have been on y/n the whole time, but his mind was elsewhere replaying scenes from the past. he had no idea if she had been eaten, or even survived the initial attack. the only think he saw was her body on the ground, unmoving.

“safe,” erwin confirmed. “hanji ran over just in time and got her. but what happened to you ?” no one had ever seen levi freeze up the way he did. others believed it was just fear which made him seem a little more human to them, but erwin knew it was more than that.

throughout the years, erwin watched levi witness the deaths of those closest to him, and even then he was still able to act. but after seeing him go rigid, erwin was more than worried. it was clear levi went into shock, however, shock runs more than skin deep. 

this became even more evident to him as levi remained silent the entire way back to the walls. y/n was still unconscious, so one of the open carts was her escort. guilt continued to wash over levi as he wasn’t able to ride in the cart with her to monitor her closely because he had to ride his horse back. regardless, he stayed as close to the cart as possible and stole as many glances her way as he could.

if he had it his way, he would’ve waited outside the infirmary for y/n when they arrived back home, but hanji and erwin practically dragged him to the mess hall to replenish his energy. this may or may not be skipping the part where levi was questioned about what happened, followed by him being chastised for his actions (or lack there of). levi could bare focus even though it was such a serious conversation. his mind was still a hazy mess. as much as hanji and erwin wanted to talk to levi more about the situtation, they knew it was best for the conversation to end there for the day. levi looked so shaken up that he could barely keep himself standing so the last thing he needed was to be yelled at more. the entire corps also made sure to steer clear of the man. he usually had all his emotions hidden but they were on full display now. it still scared the hell out of them.

but the fear alone wasn’t enough to stop them from whispering to themselves. word carried fast about how captain levi froze up and watched one of his squad mates almost die. the ones who only heard about the story instead of witnessing it couldn’t believe what they were hearing. the captain levi did nothing while one of his own almost became titan food ? 

hearing the whispers in passing, levi didn’t care that they were talking about him, but he was still affected. their words just made reality sink deeper into him. they weren’t the only ones who were unable to believe what happened. he really just watched helplessly as someone almost died. and it wasn’t just someone, it was his other half.

“hey levi ?” hanji voiced, pulling him out of his head. levi didn’t bother looking up from his food that he had been staring at for the past few minutes to face her. the best he could to was give her a side glance as he peered at her from the corner of his eyes and waited for her to finish.

the glare he was sending her way made her blood run cold, but she took the hint and continued. “are you alright ?” she asked in a small voice.

“does it look like i’m alright ?” he growled back, then went back to eating.

“just wanted to ask,” she added with an awkward laugh then turned to erwin who was on the other side of her. for once in her life she knew not to press any harder, but making levi upset wasn’t her intention. she was genuinely worried about him. hanji gave erwin a what do i do now ? look, hoping for some help, but erwin could only shake his head. he cared about levi just as much as she did, but he knew there was nothing either of them could do or say to make levi feel better. the only thing he needed was to see y/n.

at last, levi finished his dinner and excused himself to go find his partner. as his feet carried him at a quick pace across the stone floors of the many hallways in HQ, fear came back to his already grim mind. there was no word on y/n’s condition so he assumed no progress had been made and she was still unconscious. 

needless to say, when he rounded the corner and saw her sitting on the bench right outside the infirmary swiveling her heels and tapping her toes together as if she was bored, shock overcame him once again, this time on a much lower scale. similar to just a few hours ago, he was frozen instantly upon seeing her. it was a much prettier sight this time, but it was still painful to see. the bandage that wrapped around her head peaked out from being any strands of hair that fell in front of her face, other wraps and patches plastered themselves across her arms and legs, and some purple and blue splotches peaked out from behind them. this was only the skin that was exposed. for once in his life levi didn’t want to think about what she looked like when she weren’t wearing any clothes. he made a quick mental note to later place tender kisses on all her bumps and bruises, and took of running towards her.

y/n had been discharged from the infirmary during dinner hours, so the halls has been quite empty as she sat outside alone, falling into boredom. when the first sounds of shoes hitting the ground entered her ears, she got a bit excited, but calmed herself down reminding herself it probably wasn’t him. but when the steps got quicker and louder, she finally let yourself look up to see up to see her partner was the source. there was no point in holding back anyone; her face visibly lit up and a wide smile placed itself on her lips. just like levi, y/n wanted nothing more in the entire world than to see him. 

he run turned to a jog then a complete stop as he halted in front of her. despite being so anxious to see one another, neither were really prepared. they just kinda...stared at each other, neither sure of the right words to say. levi decided to take the initiative. he opened his mouth, hoping something, anything, would come out, but his attempt fell flat. words just weren’t enough. instead, he lifted his arms and placed both hands gently on y/n’s shoulders. she caught on quickly, standing up at the same time as he was pulling her into his arms for a tight embrace.

the pair remained silent in each other’s arms until y/n decided to take initiative this time and finally spoke. “is it true ?” she mumbled against his neck, barely loud enough for him to hear.

as much as he had hoped the gossip would stay in the mess hall, levi knew that inevitably word would spread to her. someone must have told her everything that happened, leaving in every little detail about how levi made no moves to save her life, ending up having to be saved by hanji in the end.

based off his silence, y/n knew levi had a lot on his mind so she continued “did you really freeze up?” 

he didn’t realize it, but he had tensed up at her words. it absolutely pained him to answer, but he couldn’t imagine the pain she were feeling. 

summing up his courage, he began to confirm the worst, but she pulled away before he could get more than a “yes,” out. levi braced himself for the hurt expression that he would be faced with, knowing his heart would break instantly as she realized he truly did failed to protect her, but instead he was met with kind eyes and soft face.

the look on his face had utter disbelief written all over it as her hands went up to cup his face that was now reddening. “are you okay?” y/n asked softly. “im so sorry.”

levi was beyond bewildered. he wanted her to be furious at him. yell at him. pull her soft hands back and strike him as much as she pleased. tell him he failed and that she couldn’t stand the sight of him. he knew he deserved it all and more, but he should’ve known she would never do that. that wasn’t y/n.

he melted into her touch and placing one of his hand over one of hers that remained on his cheek. “i was terrified, y/n.”

y/n finally gave him one of her beautiful smiles and giggled softly. “why were you scared ? i was the one who almost got eaten,” she teased.

y/n’s laughs had quickly subsided after seeing the serious look that had etched itself onto levi’s face. “because you were in danger,” he started.

“i don’t know what id do with myself if i lost you, i...”

“i love you, y/n.”

it was finally y/n’s turn to get a taste of the shock that levi had been experiencing all day. she could’ve sworn her heart skipped a beat at his words, followed by butterfly wings tickling the inside of her tummy, her eyes widening and jaw falling slack. her hands slowly slipped from his face to instead place one of her palms on her chest to make sure her heart was indeed pumping at a regular pace.

levi, on the other hand, was not having a magical experience. y/n’s reaction made him feel as though his feelings weren’t reciprocated despite having been together for so long. he started to get deeper into his head, negative thoughts starting to eat away at him once again, when she finally spoke.

“i love you too, levi,” she breathed out, still too stunned to breathe properly.

levi had had enough of being unable to move for one day. one of his hands grabbed y/n’s waist while the other found its way to the back of her head, as he kissed her roughly, which she eagerly returned. the way he felt her grin against his lips was enough to make all the pain and fear he had experienced that day worth it.

he couldn’t have asked for a better outcome to such a shitty day.

levi had finally learned how to say i love you and he thanked the stars every night following that day that y/n was the one who taught him how.

[cloudykaii]

Care

pairing: bts x eighth member!reader [platonic]

summary:  omg i just real some of your eight member scenarios and eveerything was so good!! i wasnt into eight member things before but now.. im super in! 😭 can you do a scenario about compilation of the members little caring act on stage, backstage, when theres camera or not, something like that to the eight members?? if you make it then i would be so delighted. than you !!

warnings: none, it’s just really fluff :( some of it might not make sense, but i really love this

A lot of things could be said about your brothers. Each and every one of them had their moments and mistakes, just like you did. Some people would call them rude, or selfish amongst other things, but the one thing they could never say, is that they didn’t care about you. ARMY pointed it out all the time; they even had compilations of moments the eight of you cared for each other, but your favorite were the ones titled things like: “six minutes of proof that bts’ world revolves around y/n.”

Jin jumped as your head fell against his bicep. You were at an afterparty for an awards show the eight of you had been asked to present at. The music wasn’t too loud- you used to joke that it was because everyone knew rich people liked to brag. You had no idea where the rest of your brothers were but you and Jin had been perched on the oddly comfortable sofa as he socialized. He could feel your hairpins digging into his shoulder. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” You didn’t answer and he moved slightly so that he could reach across and tap your arm, but you moved with him. He felt your even breathing and sighed. You still had around two hours left before they could leave. 

One of the girls he had been talking to chuckled as you gave a tiny shiver in your sleep. “She must be tired.”

He smiled at her before slipping off his blazer to cover you with it. “She works hard, sometimes I think she works harder than the rest of us,” he chuckled, pulling you closer so that he could make sure she was comfortable. 

No one knows how a fan account had that video trending on twitter under the hashtag #BabyY/N three days later. 

✦✧✦✧

One bad thing about being the only girl in an idol group, is that sometimes you get the least amount of consideration. Not because they didn’t respect you or anything like that, it’s just that after styling for seven boys, you think sometimes the staff tends to forget you are not a guy, or maybe they had never seen a girl in real life.

Or at least that’s what the short dress you were wearing had you feeling like. It’s not like it wasn’t pretty, a black skirt and connected by a thin, white lacy strip that wrapped around your abdomen. It was gorgeous, and the silky ribbon of a choker around your neck made it look even better, but it was just.. so short. 

You powered through like a trooper, despite the fear in the back of your mind that you were flashing the entire audience while you danced. The minute the song stopped and everyone moved to get a drink of water, Yoongi was taking his jacket off and tying it around your waist. 

Not speaking into the mic, you let him do as he wanted but asked, “Are you even allowed to do that? Won’t the stylist say something about how you ruined her outfit?”

Tightening the knot of material, he rolled his eyes. “Honestly, I don’t give a fuck what the stylist has to say right now. Not only is your outfit not okay, but it’s obviously making you uncomfortable. You can wear this until the next outfit change.”

“Thank you,” you hugged him briefly, glad he had your back. 

✦✧✦✧

There was a time where you guys were recording a live during a long break while at practice. Fans talked about it for ages afterwards. Taehyung sat against one of the mirrors, holding his phone, while Jimin was in the picture beside him. 

“Basically, that’s it. We haven’t really-”

“Y/N, stop running around, you’re going to hurt yourself!” Jimin’s voice cut in, making the other man look over. 

“What is she doing?”

Jimin huffed, “I have no idea, but she’s going to- Y/N, at least t- no actually come here, I’ll do it for you.”

And when you bounced into the view of the camera, only for all the fans to see Jimin pulling your foot to him so he could tie your shoe. “Be careful this time, even if you’re playing tag.”

✦✧✦✧ 

Jeongguk laughed at the camera, the comments being ridiculous. He was doing a live, answering questions about the embarrassing moments he chose to talk about. “No, it was funny! He fell, but then he tried to play it off by doing pushups, but he feel while trying to do that, so-”

He heard the door open in the background, and the camera saw him turn to the side just before he let out an “oomf.” The side profile of your face was visible to the viewers as you moved to curl against him on the bed. You rubbed your eyes sleepily, and he frowned. “It’s really late, you’re supposed to be asleep.”

You mumbled, “I was, but then I got scared and woke up. I didn’t want to be alone.” He pouted at that. You tended to have nightmares whenever you were stressed, and since he was the one who found out about them first, he was usually the person you ran to. 

“Do you wanna sleep in here?” He asked softly. Everyone tuned in could hear everything, but your brother barely remembered that he was even recording as he fussed over you. You nodded, already drifting off on his shoulder. He smiled down at you before turning back to the camera. He read the many comments of everyone cooing over you. “Yeah, she’s alright. I’ll tell her to tell you guys herself tomorrow. Anyways..” 

✦✧✦✧

Of course, there were incidents that were more serious. 

The sun was setting, which made the perfect picture for the shoot you guys were about to do. The rooftop everyone was on was beautiful and stone, the kind of background you saw in movies. The sun seemed to glitter, and the wind made everything sway until the lake’s seemingly glittering waves caught your eye. “Whoa,” you gasped, moving closer to get a look.

“Y/N-”

You waved off Taehyung’s warning. “I’ll be careful! I just want to get a closer look!” You walked back over to the edge, admiring the way the sun sparkled on the water. You subconsciously leaned closer, moving your body a little too far against the thin railing, but before you could topple over, a hand grabbed the back of your jacket with a tight grip, yanking you back until you were a good distance away from the railing. 

Your back hit someone else’s and you recognized Taehyung as you turned to see him. He stared down at you. “I said be careful!” 

“I’m sorry,” you said a little shakily. Taehyung sighed before pulling you back into a hug. “Having a little sister is so hard, you’re not leaving my sight for the rest of the day.”

✦✧✦✧

Another moment fans loved to talk about actually happened at a fansign. You smiled brightly as the next fan came up to you, following the line. “Hello!” you greeted happily. 

Something about this girl threw you off though, and the look in her eyes had you unintentionally leaning away from her. You couldn’t decipher it, but when nothing happened, you told yourself you were just overthinking it. She was probably just excited to meet what could have been her favorite artist group, right? 

You stood by Hoseok as the fansign ended, moving to follow him out of then venue. He chuckled as he looked at you. “You have that look.”

You wrinkled your nose. “What look?” 

“The one that says you’re hungry,” he teased, poking you in the stomach, making you whine. “Well, maybe-”

“Y/N!” You turned around, cutting yourself off mid sentence, to see the fan from earlier. “I found you.” Her smile was a little too bright as she reached for you, only for Hoseok to push you behind him as you stuttered out, “I’m sorry, we really have to go.” 

You moved to attempt to leave after that, but her demeanor quickly changed. Her face changed from too happy and delighted, to dark and angry. Her eyes narrowed, and she reached for you more aggressively this time. “Don’t be son ungrateful,” she squeezed your wrist painfully and you cried out as security finally made their way over. 

Hoseok immediately pulled you to him, looking at the rapidly forming bruise on your wrist. Even though at the moment, it was just a large red mark, his face still tightened. “This never should have happened,” he cursed when he noticed tears in your eyes. 

He pulled you into a hug as he waited for the rest of your brothers to show up. “It won’t happen again,” he promised you. 

✦✧✦✧

The moment that was probably the most talked about, was when a talk show host felt the need to ask you how it felt. Namjoon shared a glance with you. 

“Excuse me?” you asked timidly, straightening up. 

The interviewer turned to you. “Oh, you speak English! I was just asking how it felt to be so similar to a child all the time.” The man’s tone of voice didn’t even change, but the idea that he had expected Namjoon to translate this to you, and now casually asked you as if there was nothing wrong with the question. “You know, they’re always taking care of you, it makes it seem like you can’t do anything by yourself. Does it ever irritate you?”

You tried laughing it off, the chuckle leaving your lips as you ticked a strand of hair behind your ear awkwardly. “Not really. They’re not doing anything to be condescending, and I know that.”

“Do you feel like that is because you need their help?”

“That’s enough,” Namjoon cut in, his jaw clenched as he slid forward a little in his seat as if to help get his point across. “Y/N is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. We pitch in to check on her because we love and care about her, and she does the same for us. She is not a child but a grown woman who we love and care about enough to make sure she’s okay and gets the nice treatment she deserves. With all due respect, if you insult our sister again, we will be forced to cut this short.”

You looked over to him, offering a silent thank you as the interviewer coughed, trying to recover. The bad news was that this interview was live, so he really couldn’t do anything but sit there and realized he had just embarrassed himself. 

Honestly, what else is there to say? You loved and cared about your brothers, and they loved and cherished you. 

[freddiesaysalright]

Part of Your World - Chapter 2

Ben!Prince Eric x Mermaid!Reader

Summary: Prince Ben is trying to escape an arranged marriage. A young mermaid wants to escape the sea. Their paths cross and they may just be what the other is looking for. 

Word Count: 4.6k

Tag List: @psychosupernatural​, @someone-get-a-medic​, @bensrhapsody​, @deakyclicks​, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @the-moving-finger-writes​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @rose-writes-prose​, @queenlover05​, @26-7-49​, @drowsebaby​, @im-an-adult-ish​, @queen-paladin​, @rogerina-owns-me​, @mirkwoodshewolf​, @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​, @radiob-l-a-hblah​ If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: Y’all I’m sorry this chapter took so long. See this post for everything that’s been going on in my life 

Warning(s): Mild descriptions of violence

Moodboard

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 here we go!!!

“What was that?” Ben wondered, sitting up a little straighter. 

“Not sure,” Ari replied, releasing Kay and getting to her feet. 

Ben followed suit and they walked over to the ledge together. Neither of them noticed the mermaid pressing herself up against the side of the ship, holding her breath and praying they didn’t look down.

Behati emerged from her quarters and walked out to join the crew. She had one hand behind her back.

“Eric,” she said. 

Ben turned to face her.

“If that really is your name,” she said.

The color drained from his face. “What are you talking about?”

“I found this among your things,” she replied, and brought her hand forward. She held up his ring. “The crest of the royal family is on it.”

While Ben had not worn any jewelry during his escape, he had packed his ring just in case he needed it. It was an heirloom worn by every prince in his father’s line. It was silver, with mermaids on the side, holding up the crest in the middle. There were diamond chips on the four corners of the crest, and the mermaids had tiny emeralds for eyes.

“You had no right to go through my things!” he argued. 

“You are a guest on my ship!” she shot back. “I had every right. Who are you? The prince? A lord? Who?”

“There are other things to worry -”

“Whoever is on that ship can wait until morning when we can see,” she snapped. “Tell. Me. Who. You. Are. Now!”

Ben shrunk away, his back hitting the ledge. 

“Okay,” he conceded. “You guessed right. I’m the prince.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “So. Benjamin is your name.”

From below, your heart gave a flutter. Prince Benjamin. What a handsome name!

“Ben’s fine,” he said nervously. 

“Well, Ben, we’re taking you home,” she said firmly. “I won’t be followed and charged with kidnapping the prince.”

“No, please!” Ben cried. “I can’t go home yet!”

“Why?” she demanded.

He hesitated, looking away for a moment. He locked eyes with Ari, who placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“She can’t understand if you don’t explain,” she said. “And she can’t trust you unless you trust her.”

He looked back at Behati.

“My father is forcing me to get married,” he admitted. 

You stiffened at that word. Married?! That wasn’t good news for you.

“He keeps bringing all these princesses and high born ladies to visit, hoping I’ll fall for one of them,” he went on. “But they’re all...dreadful. And he’s sort of run out of options now.”

Behati softened. She approached him slowly, took his hand, and pressed the ring into his palm. Then she curled his fingers around it.

“Was being honest really so hard?” she teased. Then she became serious. “Ben, I understand wanting to escape. Probably better than most people. I hope you’re not under the impression that I lack empathy or compassion.”

“It’s just...I don’t know you very well yet,” he chuckled.

“Know this,” she said. “I don’t turn my back on people in need. Being forced into a marriage...that’s terrible. Even princes have their share of trouble, eh?”

It was such a dramatic shift in her, it was throwing Ben off balance. Behati had become suddenly very soft. Even stranger, he liked knowing that she had it in her.

“They do,” he agreed. 

“You may remain on my ship for as long as you need,” she said. “Or as long as you’re useful.” 

She winked and released his hand. She stood in the center of the deck and looked up at the starry sky. Ben looked as well as he slipped his ring back on. He had never seen so many stars.

“It’s a beautiful night,” the captain said. “There should be music.”

The crew cheered. Ari went to grab her fiddle. Ben shrugged and decided to join the merriment. You pulled yourself forward again to watch. 

You watched them all night, fearful that leaving now meant your last chance to see humans up close would pass. Behati, Ben, and the others played music, danced, drank, told stories, and laughed. It seemed that with honesty, came the beginnings of friendship. It almost made you sick with envy. And yet, you could not pull yourself away.

They carried on all night. The golden hush of the morning came over the water, and the sun began to peek over the horizon. Ben had fallen asleep against the mast, and much of the crew was now lazily plucking at instruments or dozing softly. Behati was still awake. She retrieved a spyglass from a strap on her hip and she looked over at the ship that was approaching from the night. It was time to find out who they were.

She knew almost all the other pirate captains. They had an agreement. Since Behati’s interest was not in riches, they left her alone. In return, she left them alone, but with one condition - they could not trade people. Any pirates she caught dealing in the slave trade would be challenged. And she had never lost a battle.

Ben stirred awake. He looked up and saw Behati checking things out. Relief came over him. He had enjoyed himself during the night, but the concern about the other ship was still eating at him. He scrambled to his feet and walked over to stand beside her.

“Who are they?” he asked. “Do you know?”

Her mouth was turned into a deep frown. She lowered the spyglass, looking ready to spit a bullet. Ben had never seen such anger.

“Slavers,” she said slowly. 

“How do you know?” he wondered.

“The insignia,” she told him. 

She held out her arm and pulled up her sleeve. He stepped back, horrified. The skin was deformed by a deep scar - a brand. 

“Are they other pirates?” he asked.

“No,” she said. “These are the professionals.”

“That’s not right,” he said. “My father outlawed slavery years ago.”

“If you think slavery ended because your father signed a piece of parchment, you are a fool, little prince,” she retorted. “He may have signed the law, but he hasn’t enforced it. The navy is too busy fetching princesses to patrol the waters apparently.”

Ben swallowed as he watched the ship coming closer.

“You know how to use that sword you carry?” Behati asked.

“I’ve been trained,” he told her. “But I’ve never had to use it...y’know...in earnest.”

“Well, brace yourself,” she warned. “We’re commandeering their ship.”

She turned to face the crew. She put her index finger and pinky in her mouth and whistled. Ben flinched at the sharp, high pitched ring, but the rest of the crew perked up.

“Wake up, ladies!” she shouted. “It’s liberation time!”

Everyone immediately got to work. The anchor was hoisted and the sails were opened. You clung to the rope you’d used to climb the ship in the first place and held on as the ship began to move. You were scared, for sure, but mostly you were excited. You just hoped it wasn’t too dangerous.

After what felt like years, the ships were stopped astride each other. You were still firmly on Behati’s, but within a few yards of being sandwiched between them.

Ben looked between Behati’s hard expression and the smirk of the captain on the opposite ship. He was an older man - probably around the king’s age - but with a leathery complexion and an ugly sneer. His hair was gray and frayed at the ends. He had a look in his eye that struck Ben as evil.

“Captain Behati, I gather,” the man said. “I’d say your reputation precedes you, but you’re much more beautiful in person.”

“Shove it,” Behati returned harshly. “Surrender your ship, and I won’t hurt you.”

“‘Fraid I can’t do that, love,” the man replied. “I’ve got cargo to deliver.”

“People aren’t cargo, slaver,” she snapped. 

“Now, we can be respectful, can’t we?” he said. “My name is Captain Reginald, and I -”

Behati interrupted him with a swift drawing of her sword. “I don’t care what your name is. Release your prisoners or I will feed you to the sharks.”

“Not before I introduce you to a friend of mine,” he replied. “Say hello to Davy Jones for me!”

Reginald went for the pistol on his hip. Ben saw that the old captain’s finger went right to the trigger. He whipped it out with surprising speed for his age and immediately squeezed it. Ben dove in front of Behati, and felt the flesh on his right shoulder explode before tumbling over the side of the ship and into the darkness of the sea.

“BEEEEEEEEEN!”

Behati’s cry was the last thing he heard before everything went black.

The sounds of a battle erupted above you. You watched in horror as Ben’s body fell right past you and hit the water with a sickening splash. Without hesitation, you dove in after him. As soon as you hit the water, you saw a small, shiny object glint above him. It was the ring.

You snatched it from out in front of you and slipped it on your finger. Then you swam hard after Ben’s sinking form. With the help of your fins, you reached him quickly, wrapping your arms around his chest, and pulling with all your might. Your muscles ached from the weight of him and the resistance of the water, but you pushed vigorously back toward the surface. You just hoped it wasn’t too late.

When you broke through, Ben began to cough, to your great relief. At least he was alive. Water sprayed from his mouth and he struggled to inhale, but he was alive. His eyes barely opened and he looked at you.

“Thank you,” he said blearily. 

“Come on,” you replied. “We have to get you back on board.”

He mumbled something more that you didn’t understand. The sounds of what was going on up on the ships unnerved you. Swords clanged as they clashed. Explosions rang out - just like the ones that had sent Ben overboard. It was not a sound you were familiar with and it made your stomach flip. People cried out with anger and pain. Others hit the deck with a wound. Would putting Ben back on the ship be safe?

You looked up and saw that the commotion was coming from the other ship, not Behati’s. But if you climbed straight up, you would be seen. So, resituating Ben in your arms, you swam toward the bow to go around Behati’s hip and get him up from the other side.

You started out and Ben let out a soft groan with the movement. 

“I’m sorry, Ben,” you told him desperately. “Hold on just a little longer!”

He muttered some more under his breath. His eyes fluttered as he glanced over to look at you, but he couldn’t keep them open.

Your body was screaming with the effort of pulling him along. Ben was larger than you, and muscular, not to mention all the clothes he had on were weighing him down even more. You were only halfway there and already exhausted. You pressed on. You couldn’t let him die. 

Panting, you reached the other side. Thankfully, there was a net ladder hanging down. You kicked toward it and grabbed a lower rung. 

The wake from the rocking of the ships made emerging from the water more difficult. Especially since your primary concern was keeping water out of Ben’s mouth. The last thing he needed was to swallow a bunch of sea water - or worse, get it trapped in his lungs. 

There was another rope hanging down beside the net ladder. You used that to strap Ben securely to your body. Then you began to climb. It was the most difficult climb of your life. Your arms were on fire with how hard they were working, and it felt like there were miles between you and the top. Grunting, panting, and sweating - which you had never experienced before - you fought your way up. 

After hauling him up you dragged yourself - Ben attached - over the railing. You flopped onto the deck on your side and caught your breath. You gulped in the air and released it heavily, before swiftly getting to work to untie the rope. Your skin was red from it rubbed you raw, but you couldn’t focus on the sting. Ben was lying alarmingly still.

You tossed the rope back over the side and then rolled the prince onto his back. You put your ear beside his mouth. Low, rattling breaths were just barely escaping. 

“Ben,” you said gently, placing a hand on his chest. “Ben, are you in there?”

His eyes slowly opened once more. They were a beautiful shade of green. You held his gaze in that moment, and everything around you seemed to stop. It was just you and Ben, connecting, meeting for the first time.

Then he squeezed his eyes shut, turned onto his left side, and coughed up more water. When he was done, he winced and grabbed his wounded shoulder before falling onto his back once more.

“Wh...who are you?” he wondered groggily.

“Shhh, don’t talk now,” you replied. “Help is coming.”

Ben’s vision was blurry. Your face moved in and out of focus, but he was certain he had never seen you before. He had never seen anyone that beautiful in his life.

You looked around for anyone who could help, but Behati and her crew were all on the other ship. Although, things had quieted down significantly. A majestic form came flying through the air, and you recognized it as Behati. She landed with a loud thud and she looked up, meeting your eyes.

You gasped and threw yourself overboard, hoping she would chalk up what she saw to her imagination. You sailed through the air and twisted yourself into a diving position so you hit the water smoothly. It felt soothing on your hot, aching body. Before you returned to the depths, you poked your head out and listened. You heard Behati rousing Ben. Satisfied, you swam down.

Ben was waking up gradually. He hurt all over. He distinctly heard Behati above him, fretting like a mother hen, but still managing to insult him.

“You idiot, Benjamin!” she scolded. “Getting yourself shot to protect me?! For what? Some chivalrous glory?! I could -”

“Behati, please,” he groaned. “I did it because you’re my friend.”

He looked at her and saw watery eyes and almost smirked, but he was in too much pain.

“It hurts,” he winced.

“Take him to my quarters,” she said.

Ari put his injured arm around her shoulders and eased him to his feet. He looked at the captain.

“What about the captives?” he asked her.

She smiled. “All free. I never lose.”

“Where will they go?” he wondered.

“Home, I suppose,” she said. “I gave them the ship.”

“Did you let any of the slavers live?” 

“All but the captain,” she replied.

“Tell the ones you freed to take the ship to the capital - to my father,” he said. “There the slavers can answer for their crimes, and we can get the people back to their homeland by royal escort.”

Behati’s smile widened and her eyes shone. 

“You really are a prince,” she said. 

��As proof of their authority, let them take this,” he began again, reaching for his right hand.

He blinked when he saw there was nothing on it.

“Oh no!” he cried. “My ring is gone!”

Behati frowned. “It must have come off in the water. I’m so sorry, Ben.”

“S’alright,” he returned. “I have a seal in my bag. Will you write up a document, and I can sign it for you?”

“Kay, write the necessary letters,” Behati said. “Ari, you and I will tend to that wound.”

She put his free arm over her shoulders and together, the women carried him into the captain’s quarters. They lay him upon her desk. Then Behati retrieved some rum from the shelf on the wall. She handed it to Ben.

“You might want this while we stitch you up,” she said.

He sat up and took a swig, making a sour face as it burned its way down his throat. She laughed.

“What’s the matter?” she teased. “Nothing that strong in the palace?”

“No,” he wheezed. “We usually just have wine.”

She and Ari exchanged a look and laughed.

“Keep drinking, little prince,” Behati instructed. “We’ll have you patched up in no time.”

“Bottom’s up,” he replied, and drank again.

***

You rocketed away from the scene as fast as you could swim. When you were safe within the depths, you stopped to catch your breath again. You needed to take in everything that just happened. You snuck to the surface, watched humans for an entire night, just barely saved the prince's life, and now you were on your way home after being gone for hours. Oh, no. You were definitely in trouble again.

Well, you had to face the music. You weren’t going to put it off this time. Plus, the sooner your father finished yelling at you, the sooner you could get some sleep. Your eyelids already felt heavy.

As you made your way home, you kept thinking about Ben and that moment you had locked eyes on the ship. Something electric had sparked between you. There was something there that you could barely explain, and yet you felt it. It wasn’t just that he was handsome, there was more to him than that. You wanted nothing more than to see him again, and know all there was to him.

You slowly swam to the throne room, once again peeking inside to see the kind of mood your father was in. He was swimming back and forth in front of his throne, hand on his chin, eyes on the floor. He was worried.

“Father?” 

He whipped around, took in the sight of you, and flew over to gather you up in his arms.

“Y/N!” he cried. “Where in the seven seas have you been, child?! We’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

He pulled away and looked you up and down. His mouth turned down into a frown when he spotted the angry red marks on your skin from the rope of the ship. They had calmed a lot, but not enough.

“Y/N, what’s this?” he asked. “What have you gotten yourself into?”

“Before I explain, promise me you won’t get mad,” you began.

“I will make no such promise!”

You sighed. It was worth a shot.

“Father, I…” you trailed off. Now was the time to be honest or lie your fins off. “I was exploring another shipwreck.”

Better to lie for now. If he found out what you had done in its entirety, he might kill you.

“Y/N!” he shouted. “We’ve discussed this! You’ve got to let go of your silly dreams of humanity! It’s childish, it’s dangerous, and deliberate disobedience of the law! I think you’re trying to give me a heart attack at this point!”

“I just have an interest!” you shot back, throwing your hands up. “What’s so wrong with that?!”

Your father snatched your wrist out of the water and drew it closer to him. You gulped. You’d forgotten Ben’s ring was on your finger.

“What...is this?” you father demanded.

“Something I found in the shipwreck,” you told him. “Just a trinket.”

He examined your form once again. “You’re lying to me. This ring has no signs of age on it. Those rope burns were not from loose rope. Where have you been?!”

You wrenched your arm free and cradled the ring to your chest. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“I was at the surface,” you said defensively. “And I’m glad I was there. I saved a young man who might have drowned if I -”

“DON’T!” Triton bellowed. “THIS TIME YOU’VE GONE TOO FAR!”

You shrank back, frightened. 

“Father, h-he might have died!” you argued.

“And GOOD RIDDANCE!” he shouted. “What need do we have for one more lousy human, huh?! Do you really think yourself a hero for saving that animal’s life?!”

“He’s not an animal, he’s a prince!” you returned. 

“I’ve tried to be understanding, I’ve tried to be patient with you, Y/N, but nothing works!” he cried, exasperated. “But so help me, I am going to get through to you!” 

“What are you going to do, ground me?” you challenged. “Well, I’m a grown woman!”

“Fine, if you want to be grown and independent of me, then so be it,” he snapped. “Guards!”

Two young mermen swam in from the corridor.

“Arrest the princess,” Triton said. “Take her to the outpost.”

You gasped. “Father, no!”

The outpost was an open area far away from the palace. Prisoners were chained by the fin to a solitary post hammered into the ocean floor. It was isolating and terrifying. 

“You broke the law, Y/N,” your father said. “And you will face the consequences. Anyone who makes contact with humans gets twenty four hours at the outpost.” 

The guards each took one of your wrists and clapped irons around them. You could see the conflict in their eyes as they did so. To arrest a member of the royal family was something unheard of. But your father’s point was to make an impression. And he did.

You shot him one last pleading look, but he turned away. The guards led you out of the throne room, out of the palace, and through the town. The other merpeople watched in shock as the princess was escorted out of her own kingdom. You saw Lorelai as you passed her place and looked away, hot tears forming in your eyes.

You didn’t fight when the guards put a chain on the end of your tail, where it met your fins, and then attached it to the post. One looked on with sympathy.

“We’re sorry about this, princess,” he said. “But if you’d just obey your father, this wouldn’t happen. He’s only trying to keep you safe.”

“Just go,” you said moodily. You had no desire to comfort him about what he was doing, or validate your father in any way.

With a sigh, they left you there. You allowed yourself to break down after that. You were tired, emotional, and just wanted to relax. And now, you were being punished for what you considered as doing the right thing. You gazed at the ring and recalled again Ben’s eyes. As you looked at the chain around your tail, you decided this was worth it. You still did not regret saving his life, and you were more resolved than ever to see him again. As soon as you could. 

But for now, you had to close your eyes. Your weariness was catching up with you. So you laid down and slept off everything. 

***

“Who saved me?” Ben asked as Behati finished the last stitch on his shoulder. Ari had already left to continue her regular duties. 

“What do you mean?” she returned. 

“Someone saved me,” he said. “A woman. I didn’t recognize her but she had to be one of yours, right?”

“Ben, every member of my crew was on Reginald’s ship,” she explained. “No one was on board or in the water.”

“That’s impossible,” he insisted. “I remember someone carrying me...sort of dragging me around...and then when we got back on deck, I saw her.”

“What did she look like?” Behati asked. 

“I’m not sure, it’s all sort of fuzzy,” he said. “But I know I saw her. She spoke to me and everything.” 

Behati took a moment. She saw the mermaid on the ship, caring for Ben and gazing longingly at him. She always knew that mermaids existed, but this was the first one she had ever seen up close. Behati did not want to reveal her in case it meant trouble for the rest of the merpeople. 

“I don’t know what happened, Ben, but when we got back, you were already there and safe,” she said. “No one was around.” 

Ben frowned. He knew what he remembered. Though he could not recall the full picture of the woman, she had to be real. He could not have survived without her. 

“Why is it so important to you?” Behati asked.

“Because something...happened,” he said. “We locked eyes and for a moment, I felt like...never mind, it’s stupid.”

“Ben,” she said assuredly, taking his hand. “It’s not. Tell me.”

“I felt like I’d found the woman of my dreams,” he said. 

She almost smiled, but faltered. “I hope she’s out there, then. I really do.”

***

You woke almost an hour later. As you stretched, you felt...watched. Which seemed impossible since there was nowhere for anyone to hide out here. Even so, you couldn’t shake the eeriness. 

“Hello?” you called out, feeling stupidly cautious. 

“Triton’s daughter,” said a raspy, spine chilling voice. “All chained up on the outpost? How cruel.”

“Who are you?” you demanded. 

You sounded braver than you felt. You did not recognize this voice. 

“I represent someone who can help you, princess,” the voice continued. “Someone who’s been keeping an eye on your situation.”

“Who?” you pressed. 

“Sycoria,” the voice said. 

From the foggy depths, it approached and came into view. It was an eel. The large, yellow eyes blinked at you as it came closer. 

“The sea witch?” you questioned, though you knew the answer. 

“Yes, child,” the eel replied. “She can get you what you want.”

“Why does she care what I want?” you wondered.

“Sycoria has sympathy for all creatures in need,” he explained with an over-kindness that made your skin crawl. “Come with me and see what she can do for you?”

“I can’t go anywhere,” you said. “I’m chained here.”

You pointed to the irons. 

“I’ll make quick work of that,” the eel said.

He flicked his tail and the chains evaporated. The bubbles floated away and you watched them go, amazed. 

“Now, are you coming?” he asked with a toothy grin.

You looked up, remembering the surface. Then you looked at the ring. 

“This may be your only chance to see him again,” the eel said. “Are you willing to let that go out of a little thing like fear?”

You narrowed your eyes. 

“I’ll see Sycoria.” 

“That’s a girl,” the eel said. “Come with me.” 

He swam off. You had to hurry to follow him. A jolt of nerves almost made you stop. But this was your shot at being human, at earning Ben’s love. You would never get another. You forced yourself onward. 

You swam behind the eel for nearly an hour. Finally, you reached a cave. It was glowing an ominous violet color. You came to a halt at the mouth. 

“Don’t be shy,” the eel said. “Go on in.”

You gulped. If your father knew about this, he would lose his head. But, he didn’t understand you. He would never understand that what you felt with Ben in that split second meant the world to you. You entered the cave. 

It was dark at first, but you maintained your pace toward the spooky glow. When you reached the end of the entrance tunnel, it almost took your breath away. It was similar to your collection cove, only much bigger, and filled with more oddities than you could even imagine. Bits and bobs of things you had never seen before. 

“Um, hello?” you said nervously. 

“Ah, the princess,” said another mysterious voice. It was smokey and alluring. 

From around the corner, she entered. The half woman, half octopus sea witch. She was thin and tall, with wild, white hair and vivid purple eyes. Her lips were drawn into a wide smile. 

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Would you be willing to write a scenario about Kai's s/o going in to labor and the delivery? Maybe just Kaito?

Lets give plague doctor more heart attacks :D

Honestly? You deserved at minimun a pat on your back, because carrying a child is not easy... and aparently carrying a Chisaki inside you was equal to hell.

Deadly cramps, torturous nauseas and dear lord even comenting the word 'peas' left you wanting to pull all of your stomach out.... all of this for exactly seven months and a half already.

The baby was surely a fighter. His kicks were dead ass strong and ever time it was a bad one, you would wince in pain while supporting yourself on somewhere.

This baby was going to knock you out at some point...

Ever time Kai notice that this was happening he would place his entire gloved and scold his unborn child.

'Not even in here and are already causing trouble brat? Be good to your mother or we might have trouble.'

It was always in that same no emotions present tone of voice of his but you could see the genuine adoration in those usual cold golden eyes.

Although today you were feeling quite... normal.

No deadly kicks, neither the urge to puke ans surprisingly your feets weren't sore!

What a great day!

You got up from your chair to grab something to eat as you carresed slightly your belly on the way.

Although when you were already half the hall you started to feel dizzy and had to support yourself omwith one hand on the wall.

"Woah not looking great there miss. You good?" You heard Mimic's voice but when you looked down you just saw a black blur.

"Y-Yeah..." you took a shaky step "I guess."

"You guess?" Mimic spoke in sarcasm while Chrono coincidentally entered. Irinaka pointed to you for Kurono to see as he also made a slightly concerned face.

Before the man could ask what was going on, you felt as if a hammer had hit you in the gut while you howled in pain, no longer holding back the discomfort or the recent, unbearable pain.

Chrono and Mimic were immediately on your side when you almost fell to the ground. In your mind passes a thought that scared you to no ends and just to confirm you lowered your hand lower to push it back to see that your terrors were true.

Blood and other fluid... your water bag broke... The baby was coming earlier.

You let out a bloody scream at seing this and another joilt of pain came into you.

"ShIT ShE'S DyInG?!"

"Of course fucking not Irinaka! Shut up!" Chrono went to lend you a shoulder but you stopped him.

"K-Kurono... P-Please... K-Kai.. H-Here." You said between breaths, trying to stal calm since you knew this was going to stress the fuck out of everyone... especially Chisaki.

Hari didn't even objected and ran looking for Chisaki as Irinaka came back into his human form to at least see if it helps.

"Breath chick, you're a fucking fighter to carry that little shit."

"MIMIC!" you shouted and the man apologized at seing the anger in your eyes.

~

Chisaki was currently looking at the medicals exams of his unborn son along with the first ultrasound picture. The boy was going to be here soon and after a very long time he felt anxious.

He flinched at the way the door of his office hitted the wall as Chrono shouted his name.

"What the hell Chrono? Lost your manners?" He said darkly while placing the documents inside of his drawer.

"(Y/N)." He said while pointing at your direction "She's bleeding."

In one blink of Kurono's eyes Chisaki was already running through the house while placing his mask up.

Shit. What had happened?! Were you okay?!

"Angel." He called, ignoring his horror at seing the state you were in, and kneeled on the floor.

"Baby... coming." You breath out while jolting in pain again.

Damn those contractions

He cringed at your whines but ignored his own discomfort and scooped you up in his arms in bridal style as he shouted for a precept to clean ths mess as long for Chrono to get the fuck in the car.

Mimic swore he saw the walls trembling.

~

"Count to ten angel." He said monoustly but the way his hands tremble slightly and the hint of desperation in his eyes told everthing.

You screamed as the car suddenly roughly spun aside, the last drop of patience on your husband completely gone.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT CHRONO?!"

"IM SORRY BUT A GUY ALMOST HITTED THE FUCKING CAR AND COULD HAVE KILLED US YOU KNOW?!" Poor Hari was consumed by both you and Overhaul's desperation.

"Oh my god both oF YOU SHUT UP!" You shouted causing both of them to be completly silent all the ride to the hospital.

He was going to talk to you about that later, but maybe it was a understatement since you were giving birth at this point.

~

Kurono had to hold back Chisaki when a bunch of nurses just pulled you out of Kai's arms and a doctor told him to wait outside.

His wife was giving birth to his soon son and he was supposed to wait OUTSIDE YOU FILFH UNPROFESSIONAL BASTARD?!

When a nurse came to Chrono, asking for him to get out of the room since only it was allowed the father, he arched one eyebrow at her and pointed with his palm at a very furious Chisaki, silently saying 'Im the one keeping the beast calm, you sure about that?'.

The nurse just gave him a apologetic look before, with the nerves on their skin of talking to a dangerous man of the yakusa, calling Overhaul.

The way Chisaki looked at them could be described as murderous and if he had a laser vision quirk the poor nurse would be already dead on the spot.

"I-I'm sorry! But you can enter now." She bowed apologetically while indicating the door for Chisaki.

He didn't even acknowledge her as he entered the room abruptly, ignoring many looks of the doctors and just making a bee line at you.

Despite your eyebags and squirming in pain figurine, you still manage to look angelic... just incredible.

"Angel, it's almost over." He said monoustly, a mix of pain and relief at seing the way you opened your eyes.

"Kai..." you whispered while crying... your hand desperately hilding the bed sheets as you cried out...

"Dad hold her hand!" A male nurse suggested and you almost laughed if it wasn't for the torturous pain you were in.

Someone was trying to give others to Chisaki? Your Chisaki Kai? Great joke.

Chisaki narrowed his eyes at the man befofe cringing at seing you crying again... you were in so much pain but yet refused to just grab his hand because you knew him.

He suddenly left to a quick bathroom and picked a hand sanitizer and a handkerchief.... the scene was almost comic to the doctors and nurses. A soon to be father wipping his wife's hand before holding it onto his gloved one.

"You don't change do you?" You whispered while smilling at him, pure appreciation and love on your eyes as you looked into those beautiful golden ones that you had fallen with.

"Why should I?" He said monotonously but you could see the hints of a smile behind that black face mask of his.

His hand suddenly cracked at your strenght as you turned your head away from him to muffle your screams.

...ouch.

The doctors were surprised because they LISTENED to his hand cracking and he was just... there. He suddenly glared at them with pire hate as his words spilled from his kouth like venom.

"Bunch of incompetents, my wife is having a kid and you just stand there without doing nothing? Move and help her before I lose my pacience bunch of filfh." They flinched before returning to their activities whiel Kai scoffed 'sicks' under his breath.

Your screams had stopped and your grip on his hand released, putting the pieces together he looked up and saw a tiny creature on the arms of one nurse.

"You did it." He amused out loud while you only let out a sleep deprived 'yay' before closing your eyes as you tried to catch your breath.

He picked the handkerchief and wiped your forehead gently before looking down at you.

"You're sweaty..."

"No shit sherlock I just gave birth." You said between breaths and giggles receiving a pinch on your arm along with a scoff of his.

"W-Why isn't he crying?" You suddenly breath out.

Shit. Is true. He haven't heard his son cries. He looked uo already with anger before he saw the doctor bringing a white blanket and handing rubbing the face of your new born to you.

"See mommy? Your baby is fine." He felt butterflies forming inside his stomach at seing the little boy face in contact with yours... you smilling tiredly but still manage to open your eyes to look at your son.

"Kaito... is so nice to meet you.." you teared up at seing your baby for the first time... he had his father looks.

He punched his chest to prevent any hints of despicable tears fron falling from his eyes but it was really damn difficult... Luckily he managed to stay with his stoic face at least.

The moment though he saw you closing your eyes he internally panicked.

"Angel." He grabbed your face and shook slightly, checking your pulse with his other hand and sighing in relief at feeling your heartbeat on his fingers.

"She is just tired, will come back as soon as she recuperates... would you like to hold your son mister?"

He eyed the doctor in suspicion before choosing to only look at his son, eyes secretly telling how much he was willing to do for this little one already.

"Place him on the crib for now. I want my wife to see the scene, she wouldn't leave me alone after knowing that I holded my son without her seing it." He spoke crudely amd coldly at the doctor bit they didn't seemed to mind at first.

The doctor nodded in understatement before placing the kid carefilly down on the crib, right besides Kai as he sitted on the edge of the bed... holding your hand in his gloved ones.

He took a glance at his sleeping son and decided to just carres the tip of his thumb on the chubby cheek.

He swore the kid just smiled at the contact... a simple contact... but it was rather a nice feeling.

"I made this brat..." he mused out loud for himself before smirking down at his son and bringing your freahly washed head to rest on him instead of the pillows of the hospital.

"Welcome to this world... Chisaki Kaito."

[watchmegetobsessed]

Enchanted - Adam Sackler (pt. 3)

OMG it feels like it took me forever to write this part and im so sorry for that but i’ve been so busy with school and just life in general, i barely get time at the end of the day to even start my computer and do anything. but i finally finished this part and im so excited for the story to continue!! as always, feedback is welcomed!

ps: im so exhausted, i didn’t have time to revise it so it probably has a bunch of mistakes, pls forgive me!

series summary: You are casted as Giselle in the Broadway adaptation of Enchanted with Adam as Robert.

word count: 3.9k

Part 1 - Part 2

masterlist

Chapter title: Princess

First rehearsal on the stage is thrilling for you, because even without an audience, the place has a special energy that hits you right at the moment you walk out. There’s no real set just yet, only a few props to signal where things will be placed once the designers are done.

Today’s walkover is about the date scene with Clyde aka prince Edward and you are excited to put your dancing shoes aside for just a little while, even though you know once this rehearsal is over you’ll have one with Matt and Adam for the ball scene, your absolute favorite. Trevor explains how he envisioned the scene to go, with the moving and changing set to make the audience feel like the two of you are walking through the city.

Working with Clyde has been the easiest so far. He is a genuinely nice and caring person, who obviously tries to put one hundred percent into everything he does, making it a real pleasure to work together with him. He definitely has the looks to play a prince, tall, tanned with a charming smile and luscious curls that bounce with every movement he makes with his head. You keep thinking about how he is basically what you would say to be your type, inside and out and you are actually surprised you haven’t fallen for him the moment his hand touched your waist. You like to think you’ve grown enough to contain your emotions.

“Have you had any costume fitting?” he asks as the two of you stand on the stage, scripts in hands while Trevor is discussing something with his assistant.

“No, but Misha has sent me a few previews. Have you?”

“Yeah, I had one yesterday. Can’t wait to step on stage in tights,” he grins making you chuckle.

“There’s no prince without tights.”

“Definitely,” he nods. “Anyway, your vocals are extremely on point.”

“How do you know?” you ask narrowing your eyes at him. You haven’t had any vocal lessons together, just solo ones.

“Cynthia showed me a recording last time, I was trying to learn the harmonizing and it helped to hear you too.”

“Oh,” you nod. “Well thank you, I’m sure you sing just as well too.”

“I’m trying, but no doubt you’ll be the star,” he smirks and you feel a blush warming your cheeks.

Rehearsing with Clyde feels like when you and Lora used to hang out in high school, just goofing around while trying to get your homework done. It’s productive, because you do what you are supposed to do, but you also keep making each other laugh with the constant joking and messing around.

After rehearsals you decide to check out the canteen for a late lunch together and it’s a suitable choice since your dance rehearsal with Adam starts in an hour so you have to stay around to be there in time.

“You can’t be serious,” you gasp, watching him dip his pickle into mayo.

“It’s a delicacy,” he chuckles before taking a bite and you actually feel yourself shiver.

“Oh my God, you are a psychopath!” you laugh shaking your head at him.

“Nah, I just have a sister who ate some really weird shit when she was pregnant, and I tried some out. This one turned out to be pretty good.”

“My statement still stands. Psycho,” you joke.

When a familiar tall figure appears you spot him right away even from just the corner of your eyes. It doesn’t take long for Adam to spot the two of you since the canteen is not big enough to make it hard for anyone to see who’s really there.

“What a coincidence!” Adam cheerfully greets you standing at the table. Clyde hops to his feet as their palms meet and they do that typical half-hug thing men always do. Then his eyes wander over to you and you let a smile take over your lips.

“Hi Adam, ready to dance?” you ask as he snatches a chair from the table next to yours and he sits down.

“I was born ready! Hope your feet don’t break easily,” he jokes and you just shake your head chuckling.

“It’s not fair you two get the pretty dance while I’ll be in the background in tights,” Clyde sighs, but you know he is just furthering the joke.

“Clyde is not too excited about wearing tights, as you can see,” you explain to Adam who understandingly nods.

“I’m just saying, that out of the three of us,” he says gesturing around the table, “I’m definitely not the right one to wear tights on stage.”

“You’re right, I have nice thighs,” Adam nods and you can’t help but start laughing loudly. Somehow the image of him wearing tights is just so absurd you’d really love to see it.

Clyde sticks around for a little longer, the three of you having a nice conversation, a normal one which is surprising given the fact that Adam is present, but maybe this is the proof that he can be normal sometimes too. Then Clyde needs to leave and once he is out of the canteen Adam turns to you.

“Clyde wants to fuck you,” he simply says and you almost choke on your apple juice.

“Excuse me?” you manage to get out between coughs.

“What? Did you not notice how hard he was trying?”

“He wasn’t trying, he was just being a nice, normal person. You could try it,” you grimace at him. So much for being normal for once.

“Oh come on! I bet he’ll nut tonight thinking about you.”

“Would you stop unloading your dirty fantasies on me? Not everyone is as kinky as you. Most people don’t make a whole film about their relationship filled with all the sexual details.”

“Holy fuck, you watched the whole film!” he gasps happily and you immediately regret opening your mouth. You really should have thought about what you say. “How did you like it?”

“Honestly, I have no idea how you got away with making it, if I was your ex I wouldn’t have let you make it.”

“She saw it.”

“I bet she loved it.”

“She loved it when it happened in real life and I didn’t lie in the film,” he shrugs and the blush is back on your cheeks as you think about everything you saw in that film. The most intimate moments of a quite passionate relationship were revealed right in front of you and if you are being honest, you felt like part of it by the end, no matter how disturbing it was to see Adam in such scenes.

“I’m actually surprised you watched it.”

“Why? You were nonstop bugging me to watch it.”

“Yeah, but I thought you wouldn’t.”

“Well, I did and the trauma can’t be undone now,” you give him a look and checking the time you see that if you don’t leave now you’ll be late and Matt will be furious at the both of you.

You manage to dodge any further questions about the film as the two of you head for rehearsal, though you can tell he is curious about what you really think. It was definitely not a good idea to bring it up right before rehearsal, because now you have to get through 90 minutes pressed up against him, dancing to an incredibly romantic song, staring dreamily into each other’s eyes. Not ideal.

The song is critical. Not because it’s that bad, but because you are a real sucker for the kind of music in movies that could make you cry because they are so perfect for the scene. You’ve seen the movie way too many times and dreamed about dancing with that one person, but you never thought you’d actually dance to this song with someone and that person is now Adam.

It’s all fun and games when you are just learning the basics, not even touching, just standing in a line with Matt in front of the mirror and dancing like you have an imaginary partner. You keep peeking at Adam in the mirror and he is not that bad, in fact, he is doing great so far, you don’t know why he said he is not a good dancer.

“Okay, ready to combine?” Matt claps his hands, wiggling his eyebrows as he takes a step back, giving the two of you space to get close.

You hesitantly turn to Adam who closes the distance with one long step, standing right in front of you. Looking up at him you remember Lora’s comment on his height when it will be like to kiss him and you quickly furrow your eyebrows trying to get rid of the thought.

“What’s the look for?” Adam smirks down at you, tilting his head to the side gently.

“Nothing,” you purse your lips.

Matt helps you find the right position, Adam’s palm feels warm on your back and you suddenly wish your shirt was a bit thicker, covering you better. You feel his defined muscles under your palm on his shoulder and your eyes linger a little longer at the way your hand gets lost in his hold.

You first try it without the music, mostly both of you staring down at your feet to make sure you are doing the steps right and Matt gives you time to adjust, but you can’t keep your head down forever.

“Alright, let’s make a try and this time try to look into each other’s eyes at least half the time,” Matt requests and you bite into your bottom lip, trying to control your nerves. This is just dancing with Adam, the weird guy who made a kinky film about his past relationship, remember? He is weird!

But he is so tall and his eyes are so dreamy and his hands are…

“Okay, five, six, seven, eight!” Matt’s clapping interrupts your thoughts as you start the choreography again.

You have to watch your feet at first so you know you’re heading in the right direction, but a few steps later you force yourself to bring your gaze up and your eyes meet his.

It just hits different. Being so close to him, feeling his touch on your back and palm, you suddenly feel a strong urge to run your fingers through his hair and you almost do it before you tell yourself to behave. There is just something in him that makes your whole mind stop working properly even though you have a pretty strong opinion about him and the kind of man that he is.

For a spare second you even forget to breathe as you are staring into his eyes and there’s a feeling in your guts that you just can’t identify and before you could get further in this sensation Matt’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

“Amazing, this will look fantastic!”

You force a small smile to your face as you look at the choreographer and he brought you back to reality just in time.

You try to lock this feeling up in the remaining time so you don’t embarrass yourself with something. The last thing you need is to say something that gives away the conflict you are having in you.

“You’re always so fast to leave!”

Adam’s voice stops you when you are already out in the hallways, ready to leave and stay unnoticed, but that last part apparently did not work. Wrapping your hands around the strap of your bag you turn around and see him heading in your way with long steps, his hair flowing with him.

“Why should I be here without getting paid for my time?” you tilt your head with a half-smile and your comment makes him laugh.

“Good point. Do you have to be somewhere?” he asks catching up with you and now you are walking towards the exit side by side.

“Apart from my bed? Not really.”

“Great, then let’s get a beer or something.”

“It’s not a suggestion or an invitation, he states it like you’ve agreed on it weeks ago and you find yourself being quite okay with it.

Settling in a nearby place you order yourself the beer that’s been talked about, but Adam just sticks with iced tea and you give him a puzzled look for his choice.

“You said we are getting a beer.”

“Yeah, for you. I don’t drink.”

“What?”

“I’m a recovered alcoholic, I don’t drink,” he explains and now you have another piece of information about him that you put into your little Adam Sackler file in your head.

“So you are trying to get me drunk?”

“I’m not saying I don’t hope to have you spill something juicy about yourself, but I’m not forcing you to drink either.”

There’s a boyish smile playing on his lips and you roll your eyes at him as the drinks soon land on your table.

You find it amusing how fast he can make you forget about everything you’ve been thinking about when you thought about him, and make you see him just as this funny, carefree person who is sitting right across you at the table. He really is funny and it’s not just the beer that’s telling you this, he has a great sense of humor, he is especially talented in saying the funniest things with the straightest face, just staring at you like he is meaning every single word that leaves his mouth when you both know it’s all just bullshit.

“I’m honestly having a hard time figuring you out,” you sigh leaning back in your chair, fingers fidgeting with your second beer on the table. You’re definitely not drunk, just loose in the best kind of way.

“What’s so hard about it?” he tilts his head, genuinely interested in your answer.

“I don’t know, you are just… It’s like you have these different personalities and I can never know which is the real one.”

“What personalities?” he chuckles at your theory.

“One is this funny, normal guy,” you start gesturing towards him. “Then there is the kinky bastard who spanks girls and then there is this mysterious, serious side that I always see in rehearsals.”

“Kinky bastard?” he chuckles, clearly enjoying the discussion. “You’ll never let go of the spanking, right?”

“It just doesn’t fit into the picture,” you explain.

“That’s because we never had sex and we haven’t spent that much time together outside of rehearsals. I’m working there, of course I’m being serious! That’s just how adults act in serious scenarios. But the rest is just simply me, a mixture of the things you just said.

“So you are just a funny, normal guy with a hint of kinky?”

“Probably more than a hint, but yeah,” he nods smirking.

Spending time outside of rehearsal really helps you see Adam as a whole, the mixture of the sides you’ve experienced from him and you feel like it has brought him closer to you as a person, a colleague and maybe as a friend. You find him an amazing company actually, a great partner to discuss different kind of things. He has a somehow different view of the world than you, but you also agree on many things and this creates the perfect base for an actually interesting and enjoyable conversation.

“Stop!” You gasp laughing as you try to get Adam off a pole on your way home after he decided he is strong enough to hold himself up horizontally on it, but he is just probably getting close to knocking it straight out of the ground.

“They should make these more massive!” he grunts jumping back to the ground.

“You are massive,” you snort as the two of you leave the poor pole and continue walking towards your building.

“I am. In all means,” he smirks at you and you imitate gagging. His dirty comments stopped bothering you, he kept sneaking in something inappropriate into the conversation throughout the night and you just kind of got used to it. This is how he is, a kinky bastard, but at least a funny one.

“You know, we should hang out more often,” he suggests galloping ahead of you and turning to face you he does a funny dance move that makes you laugh.

“Oh yeah? So I should spend my little free time outside of rehearsals with the same person I’m with all day?”

“We are not together all day,” he protest and you just chuckle, knowing well he is right, you just felt like exaggerating. “You didn’t have fun tonight?” he asks as he returns next to you, walking side by side.

“I did.”

“Great. Then we will spend more time together,” he nods and it’s not a suggestion anymore, he is stating it like the most certain fact ever.

You don’t protest.

 Sometimes rehearsals are like one big chaos, especially when everyone is present on the stage, all dancers and actors with the production staff, but there’s no other way to rehears the big dancing scenes.

Today it’s the park scene again, you are wearing another flowy dress Misha gave you, that resembles to the one you’ll be actually wearing, Adam is dressed in dark jeans and a black shirt, nothing extra, and he seems to be enjoying that everyone around him is doing their absolute best while he has to do that one lifting and nothing else, just follow you around the stage.

Clyde is at the back, he has only a little stage time as the prince is looking for Giselle in the park, so beside Adam he is the other person who doesn’t have much to do.

“How do you know he loves you?” you sing with a bright smile and big gestures, grabbing Adam’s wrist as you pull from one place to another, dancers following around, the scene constantly changing around you to make it look like you are on the move. “How do you know he’s yours?”

You catch Adam smirking and you already know he is thinking about something dirty, as per usual. You do the lifting and you feel his hand smacking your ass when he puts you down, no one notices, but you shoot him a glare to which he just smirks again.

“Okay, amazing. Take ten, we’ll see the final part a few more times!” Trevor instructs when the music stops and people starts flowing off the stage.

“Stop touching my butt,” you tell Adam, the two of you walking towards the edge of the stage.

“I can’t, it’s just always in the way,” he holds up two hands innocently and you just roll your eyes at him.

“Hey, do you guys have any plans for tonight?” Clyde walks up with a bright smile as he joins the two of you, fingers fidgeting with the water bottle in his hands.

“I’m babysitting my niece,” Adam answers running a hand through his hair.

“You have a niece?” you turn to him surprised.

“I do,” he simply nods and it doesn’t seem like he is about to share any more details so you turn back to Clyde.

“I’m free.” “Wanna go for a drink maybe or something? I’m so done sitting at home when I’m not here.”

“Sure,” you nod and watch Clyde walk away smiling back at you.

“He is still trying hard to get into your pants,” Adam scoffs and you turn to him with a grimace.

“He is not.”

“Oh he surely is. I’m pretty sure he thinks this is a date or something like that.”

“It’s not a date.”

“Tell that to him, because the dude is keen on fucking you, princess.”

You eventually give up trying to convince Adam about your truth, and you also realize you don’t owe him a word. You know what this really is and that’s all that matters. Adam can think whatever he wants, that still doesn’t make it real.

“So you’re really going out with him, huh?” Adam comes up to you once rehearsal is over. You glance up at him nodding while you’re packing your stuff up.

“Yeah, why?”

“I’m telling you, he thinks this is more than just casual drinking.”

“So then what?” you sigh, confused about why he is so worked up by the thought of you and Clyde having a few drinks. “I’m single, he is a nice guy, maybe I also think of it as more. Is that not an option?”

He genuinely seems surprised by your answer and it tells you he clearly didn’t think of this version. Frowning a bit he tilts his head.

“So that’s your type?”

“Stop using that tone, please,” you sigh zipping your bag and heading to the door, Adam following you right behind.

“Okay, I’m sorry, but still, that’s not how I imagined your type to be.”

“You often think about what my type is?”

“I did a few times, yes.”

“Then stop,” you sigh stopping and looking at him. “It’s not like you have a word in it or something. If you hate the idea of me and Clyde going out so much, just come. He invited you as well.”

“I told you, I’m babysitting my niece. My sister would lose her shit if I cancelled.”

“Then there’s nothing I can do for you. Just stop thinking about it,” you shrug, clearly over it, but Adam is not on the same page.

“Cancel on him.”

“Why would I do that?” you ask with a puzzled chuckle.

“Because…” he is searching eagerly for the right words, his hands anxiously tapping on his thighs. This is a waste of time, you think to yourself.

“See you at the next rehearsal, Adam,” you sigh walking away.

 Clyde is awesome. Clyde is exactly the person you imagined for yourself a little while ago, he is nice, funny and just overall a good person. You enjoy spending time with Clyde and you find him attractive, but…

But something is just off and you can’t tell what it is.

Sitting in a bar with him that evening you can’t stop thinking about that one thing that’s making you not fall for him even though you know you should be. Adam’s words keep repeating in your mind about how he is not what he thought your type would be.

Of course he is my type! You basically tell yourself defiantly, cursing Adam out for planting such thoughts into your mind. Stupid Adam!

By the time you and Clyde part your ways you are pretty sure this wasn’t a date which is a relief, but it still got you thinking why you are so against dating Clyde. On your way home you catch yourself pulling your phone out of your bag to text Adam and tell him you were right when you stop in your way in the middle of the street.

“Are you stupid?” some random guy growls at you who almost bumps into you. Looking up you mumble a short sorry before looking back down at your phone.

Adam was all you thought about all evening, you saw him in everything Clyde said and now he is your first thought and the person you want to talk to. He sneaked his way into all of your thoughts and this is starting to feel concerning.

Adam is not your type. He just can’t be.

Clyde should be.

Not Adam.

Right?

Right?!

-

general/forever taglist for Adam Driver

i do separate taglists for different people, but not for different works of mine! if you ask to be on my Adam taglist, you’ll be tagged in all of my Adam fics!

@superdriver​ @siren-queen03​ @holacherrycola90​ @spencer-is-amazing​ @unusual-kindred-spirits @hailthemightywoecloud @holy-kylo-stars​ @kowalskibro-adamdriverblog​ @hurricanesunset​ @writerandee​ @luxury-0pps​ @prncess91​ @malefoygal​ @zaahidahhh​ @filternotincluded @fire-in-her-veinz​ @emily-strange @ktellmeastory​ @grouchosgirl​ @tapismyforte​ @unusual-driver-paterson​ @beeblisss​ @septicvic97​ @cackleifyou​ @gotiashley​

if you’d like to be taken off or added to the list, please let me know!

[fandom-collective-writers]

Reader x Jihyun Kim {MysMes} - Letters to Heal a Broken Heart

Title: Letters to Heal a Broken Heart Fandom: Mystic Messenger Character: Jihyun Kim Genre: bittersweet? romance Warnings: spoilers for his good ending!  Intended Gender Audience: Neutral Audience  Word Count: 2040 words POV: second person Other comments: no smut but im proud of this! please note that everything with the push back is a letter! i think its pretty clear, but i wanted to make sure it’s understood <3 Written by: @mythiica​ Req: 

Dear –

I’ll admit, it feels a bit strange writing a letter for you, but my therapist recommended it. He told me to explain my emotions with words, saying it would help me become more confident. 

See, the reasoning behind it, at least from what I remember, is that there is no pressure to think quickly. Writing allows a flow, a sense of movement between the words before you pick which one you wish to use. Talking is different because it follows a completely contrasting rhythm. To keep a conversation going, you have to speak rather quickly so the person stays engaged in the topic. 

It’s all really interesting, and my therapist has given me a book over the fundamentals of other practices like this. I read half of it on the plane to Japan. 

To clarify, I’m writing this from my hotel room in Tokyo. I landed a few hours ago and the jet lag has yet to hit me, so I decided to take advantage of this time to write. 

I think you’d like it here – the sakura are in full bloom and I have three days dedicated to photographing the sea of pinks as they ripple in the wind. Until now, I’ve only seen pictures of the famous parks, and I never thought that I would be able to witness them in person. 

I didn’t think I’d

I never conside

Ah, I should mention, I’m not allowed to erase or cross out sentences I start. Another confidence booster? It’s a bit sillier, but it’s meant to force me to say what is on my mind, rather than letting it fester. I’ll try again: 

During my years under Mint Eye, my vision was narrowed, and I had only one duty. However, I am learning to broaden my horizons and expand my mind to encompass everything. The urge to explore bubbles in my chest, waiting for the moment to come out. There are so many chances to do anything, and I’ve got all the time to do all of it. 

I’ve also realized that I went over my word limit. I have to stick to 300 words or under. Confidence booster #3! Express yourself with less words. Take a guess of how many times I’ve opened the thesaurus, looking for better synonyms for words? At least seven times in the past five minutes. It’s crazy! 

For now, I’ll sign this off and try better next time. 

                                                 よりご多幸を祈って

                                                           Jihyun Kim

PS, I’m practicing my Japanese! That says best wishes… I think. 

नमस्कार

Hello and greetings from India! I took a long nap on the plane, and forgot to write. Although I’m only passing through, I ate some delicious food (that I should really try to replicate for you). India is absolutely beautiful – from the sunrises to the bustling markets to the colorful fabrics hung at every corner. I’ll inhale the air and smell six things at once, albeit, not all of them are the best, but I embrace it nonetheless. 

More about what I’ve been doing: funnily enough, my phone died on the bus ride, but I made a new friend named Sunmi, and she was kind enough to lend me her charging cable. Instead of ending the interaction there, we spoke for a few hours at least. I learned she was traveling with her friends on a photography excursion. She gave me all the information, and I’d like to look into it when I have wifi again. 

You wouldn’t believe what they’ve seen! Last year they went to Antarctica through South America. She got to pet a penguin! Apparently the company also takes people to Greenland and New Zealand – some places I’ve been dreaming of visiting since I was a young boy. 

I’ll use my last 100 words to mention that… I’ve gotten a bit homesick. I miss the RFA – well, the people from the RFA minus… 

Don’t tell Jumin about the company though, he’ll insist on flying me around with his private jet. I want to experience for myself. Saeyoung is somehow messaging me when I don’t have service? I don’t… understand. Anyways, I also saw Zen landed a huge international role (someone had a magazine on the plane). Otherwise, I hope Jaehee and Yoosung are well. And Elizabeth the 3rd of course. Send them my wishes. 

I didn’t forget about you though! The keychain you gave me reminds me of home every day. It might have lost an eye, but I found a button and stitched it on. And I also wanted to ask you–

Ah, I’m over again. 

Next time. 

                                                           Jihyun Kim

Iyi günler! I am in Turkey now and actually writing this on a boat. The sun is setting over the horizon, making the sky change colors with every passing minute. It’s breathtaking, but I wish you were here with me. The other passengers and I take turns standing at the front of the boat, and I sometimes linger, trying to take pictures. 

Good news! My vision is getting better. I’ve been taking some Greek herbal remedies, and the seem to be helping. Either that, or they have a wonderful placebo effect. Has that ever happened to you? To think something is working, but you’re just imagining things? 

I apologize, maybe that stirred bad memories for you. 

Back to Turkey: I stepped out of my comfort zone and spent a night camping. Honestly? I was terrified of doing so, but now I want to do it every night. It is the perfect temperature for hiking, even though I am a bit sunburned. 

So many people have been commenting on my hair. Good things mostly, and I started styling it with a bit of gel to keep it out of my eyes. It feels good to look people directly rather than through a curtain. 

What are you up to? Hosting anymore parties? I imagine that you are keeping busy, as always of course. My therapist said it would be best to wait messaging you until I return home. I nearly called you a week ago, but I didn’t want to break my vow. It’s like lying to myself, and I know better than that now. 

Still, it doesn’t stop me from dreaming. 

                                                           Sending love, 

                                                                     J

I’m genuinely angry, but writing to you always calms me. Someone stole my bag – I luckily didn’t have much in it, but your keychain… can you make me a new one please? Now that I don’t have it, it’s almost like I’ve lost a part of you. It hurts a lot, but then I wonder if I am being silly. It’s just a keychain. 

Otherwise, France is nice. I didn’t want to go to Paris, so instead I traveled through the countryside to visit a few wineries. 

Yes, I did… drink a bit, but I wasn’t impaired when my bag was stolen! 

You would laugh at me if I told you what happened, so I will save the story for another time. Before coming to France, I went through Germany and visited some of the most beautiful castles I’ve ever seen. They all looked like they could be straight from a fantasy movie set, and I was convinced one – Neuschwanstein Castle – actually was. 

I’ve barely written anything despite so much happening. 

I got a haircut (finally), because it was becoming a hassle to tie it back at night. 

One evening, I fed some stray cats and they followed me home. 

And a drunk (?) tried to play cards with me. But he didn’t have cards. He was dealing an imaginary deck. 

Other stories will have to wait until I see you again, and I feel better now. It’s okay to be upset, but it won’t hinder my trip any more. 

                                                           Je t'aime, 

                                                                     Jihyun

Alaska doesn’t have a night. 

That’s not exactly true, but it’s basically true. The hotel has special curtains that block the light, and it is only dark for a few hours. 

It has been many miles since I last wrote, but I was caught up in visiting show after event after party after exhibit through America. Their art has given me a new perspective on point of view and emotions, so I hope that the ten camera chips I’ve filled with photographs will be able to convey the same sense of awe. 

I’ve also been mistaken for an idol? Like – multiple times. Interesting to say the least, maybe I’ll say yes to the next person that asks. What should my stage name be? I’ll spare you the embarrassment and not share my ideas. They are all very silly and no one would believe me if I told them my name was Cam Ra. Do you get it? It’s bad, I know. 

I’ll be returning home soon, unless I get distracted or impulsive and go down to California and Hawaii before coming back. I want to – it doesn’t feel right to return just yet. But that doesn’t mean anything about you! 

Really, I think about you and everyone else each day. 

Have you met new people? We’ll exchange so many stories… 

                                                           See you soon, 

                                                                     J K 

You pace around, waiting for the last guest on the list to appear. The party started an hour ago, but he still has not arrived. Then again, it has been three months since anyone heard a whisper from V, and you start to lose hope. Swallowing hard, you remind yourself that V is having a wonderful time exploring the world and finding himself. 

          Taking a handful of your dress, you turn and head through the doors to the main room. Jumin tries to pull Saeyoung away from Longcat, Yoosung explains his most recent surgeries to a group of nurses from his work place, and Jaehee receives many compliments for her majestic cake. 

         Everyone is happy and has moved on. 

         You hope V has too. 

         Maybe all the wishing and praying finally paid off, because you hear his familiar voice calling out behind you. It’s a long shot, but you turn around nonetheless, thinking it is a different guest. 

         Instead, you see Jihyun, wearing the most dazzling smile you’ve ever seen, running towards you. He’s carrying a folder filled with papers, but that doesn’t stop him from embracing you. He smells rugged, like his voyage has transformed him, but you rather like it. 

         “Jihyun!” You melt against his hug. “You’re.. Here… you’re here!” 

         Your squealing draws everyone’s attention, but he focuses on you and only you. “Of course I’m here. I missed you more than I can verbalize.” 

         His stance is open, welcoming, and confident, much different from two years ago. He is a different person now, brave and proud. Jihyun offers you the folder. It is strange to gift something in the middle of a party, but you accept it anyways, happy he has returned. 

         Jihyun’s heart races as he explains. “I wrote you letters every time I went somewhere new. These are just a few of them, really I have so many. But each shows something I’ve learned.” He takes a breath and laces his fingers with yours. “This is sudden, and I’m sure you will need time to think about it, but I’m trying something new: asking without being afraid. Over the past two years, I’ve… longed for you. Art has shown me the power of friendship, joy, perseverance, and most importantly, dedication. I want to dedicate my art to you, if you’ll stand by my side.” 

         You can’t find the words to express yourself because you are so awestruck. He truly has changed, but he has embraced himself and his life. Tears start to roll down your cheeks from the overwhelming surge of emotions. Jihyun brushes them away and presses his forehead to yours. 

         “I still have much to learn, but I want to do it all with you.” 

         “I’d like that a lot, Jihyun,” you whisper, captivated by his intense gaze. 

         “And I can finally say this without fear–” 

         You tip your head up, and Jihyun kisses you the next moment. His lips are chapped and the warmth radiating from his skin envelops you. He doesn’t need words to communicate it, because you understand perfectly what he is trying to say. 

[a-forgotten-spirit]

Azriel x Reader

Credit to Artists. 

Author Note: I’m sorry I'm slow at writing. I’m thinking of doing an Amren x Wendigo reader, anyone interested? You can find all chapters tagged under ‘lovers of shadow’. Also if any single one of you need something feel free to send me a message!

Tags: @alphaomegahybrid @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks @livlaughlove20 @klashmafia @tiasbandom​ @shane-knight @ourbooksuniverse @warning-fangirl-at-work @xxpapasfritasxx @shadowsingersxks @-im-fantastic- @kenzie-cold-greenkale @great-goddess-of-sin @judig92 @pugzzzz @mariamuses @salma-mohammad54

________________________________________________________________

Chapter 8

Y/N P.O.V Walking to the area where there was space I stretched my arms over my head and gazed over to see Cassian watching my movements. A couple of the other warriors came to watch the fight after all Cassian is the Commander and needs seven siphons making him the top dog weather the other Illyrians like it or not. I can't stand how the others act it’s disgusting. 

Twirling the knife in my hand the metal feeling cool against my skin, my nails made a clicking sound while I drummed them against the metal. Watching his muscles flex with each movement my eyes tracking them. 

Fighting did something to the brain, making it more alert and focused. Some couldn't leave that state once submerged, I was one of them. I never stopped fighting whether it be a physical fight or a mental one, I never stopped. I did try, I honestly did but growing up to be a ruler it felt as though it was woven into my genetics. My first war was brutal and I lost many friends, I was never quite the same after that and even I noticed. I changed little by little every day on the battlefield. I would maim and kill with no remorse or guilt, I don't think those closest to me ever got over that. The way war changed me. I tried to stay out of fighting and war after that but I couldn't, taking a toll on my mind and body I worry one day I won't be able to come back. 

"Are we fighting or what" Cassian smirked and my eyes narrowed in on him, it was an addiction. One I lusted after, feeling skin beneath my fingers of a foe. I craved this. 

My body moved with no hesitation getting to his form and sending a closed fist directly into this sternum. Hearing the gasp of breath come from his mouth but originating from his lungs. Recovering quickly a fist came at me sending my body into a backward flip ending only a few meters away. Circling each other slowly small piece of dirt crunched beneath my shoe. Swinging the knife between my fingers I watched him. The way his wings fluttered and muscles flexed. I monitored each millimetre of movement. His body came hurtling for my own a closed fist wanting to hit my face. My hand raised to catch his fist and with a few gasps from the crowd and a wide eyes shocked expression from Cassian. I flipped him on his back hitting the ground with a thud. 

I looked down at him but I only then noticed it was hazy. My vision was not clear or that I could see, no it was hazy and uneven. I could make out the figures but not the details. Slowly they cleared and I was dizzy for only a second, shaking my head and looking to Cassian who was looking at me in worry and concern. He got up from the ground and I could hear muffled words, one of the warriors watching and him. 

"Y/N look at me, what happened. What's wrong" I could only just make out Cassian's words, it was as though I was underwater. I watched him walk closer and seem to give me a once over to look for visual injuries. 

I stood for a moment hearing the whispers of my people "They are coming" I whispered and I threw myself over Cassian as I felt the ground shake, I felt something fly past me and called out “Get the others. Now” within a few seconds, I could feel the shadows around me. 

The ground shook again and I fell Cassian catching me as I did. It was forceful and shook the camp, Illyrians were running around collecting weapons and other devices. Flying into the air and calling out that they were firing things at us. No one was hurt so far and I rushed down the bond seeing Azriel was all right. Grabbing Cassian’s hand I dragged him to where the others were my men guiding me through the least destructive path. Getting to the others I let go of Cassian’s hand and yelled “What are they firing” 

“They are using the Cauldron to boost the power of large boulders” Rhysand called out “The fight begins now” with that his wings spread and he flew into the air Cassian and Azriel the following suit. I saw Mor and turned to her. 

“Watch Feyre I’ll watch the boys” with a nod from her and I grabbed Amren’s hand “You’re with me” she nodded as we ran hand and hand through the forest. Once out the fight was loud and destructive, a sword came from the ground and I handed it to Amren getting my own. “I’ll watch your back you watch mine” she nodded and we began to fight. She wasn’t in the best fighting clothes but we will make do with what we have. I trusted her with my life and she did I.

Going straight forward I sliced hunters and watched as some got dragged into the depths of the Earth shadows draping the field if an inkpot had fallen over. Shadows grabbing Illyrians and pulling them to the sides to not get hit, it was indeed an eventful fight. We were winning losing some of the Illyrians but still winning nonetheless, a few casualties were to be expected. Shadows jumped from the ground but what I saw was not what I was expecting as I see one get cut and fall his skin returning to one of a flesh body and my falling my eyes wide at the scene.  

“Amren they knew my people would be here” I whispered my voice shaking as I stood still soldiers moving around me. She saw it too as did a few others so with a growl and my body sprinting I began to run through the hunters as though they were merely butter, how dare they hurt my people. It wasn’t long until the Hunters and Hybern began to flee I was watching them my breathing heavy, eyes narrowed and my sword drenched in the crimson liquid of their fallen. 

I stood in front of everyone my body shaking as the bodies of my people were brought to me, thirteen in total, my family, my children. I dropped to my knees in front of them and covered my mouth. My people gone, thirteen taken from this world because I thought they would be fine because I didn’t predict the consequences. Their blood is on my hands, I could hear the chatter behind me and then someone dropped beside me. 

“We will get revenge little shadow” Amren whispered and hugged my side, I saw my people bodies laid out in front of me some eyes were still open, blood dripping from their gashes. I stood Amren letting go and I walked forward as my people rose from the ground turning into their human forms, no one spoke as I kneeled and sighed out trying not to let my sadness fall down my face. 

“How” one whispered as I kneeled to a young woman inspecting her gash, I ran my hand over the wound and hissed pulling my hand back. 

“Jutyius Flower” I whispered and looked to my bodyguards in shock, “I thought it died out over a thousand years ago” I looked to these thirteen people their lives taken from something of a myth, no longer folklore. 

“It is” I heard I didn’t know who, my mind was running a hundred miles an hour and I turned to Amren who was older than anyone here looking to her for an answer. 

“He has the Cauldron but no one should know you exist unless there is a spy of sorts” her eyes narrowed the smoke seeming to move faster in swirls like ocean waves crashing against the rocks of a cliff. “He must have made some, you only need one, coat your weapons and your army fall” she whispered and I turned to my people. 

“We will send them” I breathe my eyes beginning to water. “Send them off as they wished. We all loved them and now we will see them off. Let them float in the depths” I whispered and stood. I looked back seeing the boys and their looks of fear as I looked to my people. “Boys can I please have the way” I whispered but I knew they heard me. Within a second they were in the air a shadow cast over and I breathed out. 

I never thought I would have to do this to one of my own but if the time came I would do this to the boys they had asked me too after I showed them the place. I raised my hands the bodies floating into the air as my people circled and then we fell into the ground. We carried them flying through the abyss of darkness. I heard cries and whimpers as we did, we flew until everyone had stopped crying it was hours and then we reached the depths. Looking back we pushed them off as they sunk their bodies being engulfed by the abyss. We stood everyone swirling around the depths and then with a sigh and a wave of my hand we left going back to the Illyrian camp. I rose from the ground my eyes close to crying. I walked into the tent pushing the flaps open and I walked in seeing Amren sitting with Varian on his lap, Amren jumped up running to me and throwing her arms around my neck and bringing my body as close to hers as she could, I broke down all my feeling becoming too much for me to handle. 

I couldn’t breathe I lost my people, it may have only been a few but it was enough to fracture my whole life. My body was shaking as I cried my crying turns into sobbing, Amren kept me in her arms as I stood there all my emotions falling into the Earth. I don’t think I hadn’t cried like this since Azriel since he left. This was all too much for my heart to take. Thirteen people I let die, thirteen people, I could’ve saved if I wasn’t reckless, thirteen people I let fall. Thirteen of my people, of my family.

“Shhh love it’s ok” she whispered and hugged me tighter. “They are safe. I can feel it” I knew what she is, her true self. I knew everything about her and she had seen my worst self. Amren came to visit me and I loved her with all my soul her visits stopped because she couldn't bear seeing me the way I was when Azriel had left. 

“How. I thought it was extinct” I whispered and hugged her tighter. Her small frame hugging my chest as I sat my head on her own. 

“There is someone here giving information, who I do not know. The boys are going to find them” she moved to grab my face in her hands “Y/N” she paused her eyes swirling with locked power “I can feel they are safe and happy” I nodded and let her go as she did I.

I looked up and shook my head “I apologise, Varian, this isn’t my best look” I tried to smile but it came up short. 

“No need to apologise. Amren was worried for you so we waited” His smile reached his eyes. I was glad Amren had found Varian she deserved happiness, she was amazing. 

“What are the plans” I looked back to Amren her eyes falling once I met her own. “I'm not too sure. It was a shock and we lost quite a few we will need to re-think our strategies and then attack or plan for another assault” her voice was always so mystical, as though magic swirled in her words dripping in power and hidden feeling of revenge. “We will make them fall. I promise” her eyes narrowed and I nodded in agreement. 

“Are the boys hurt I didn’t even think to check” letting the air from my lungs I breathed out my hand raising and running through my hair, they were alive and they were standing so nothing serious if anything at all. 

“A few scratches and a little slice to a wing bone but nothing dramatic” I nodded and breathed out. “They will be fine. Will you” she asked leaning forward and grabbing my hands in her own. 

“No” I whispered honestly. Shaking my head as I felt the tears well up again I pushed my emotions back and breathed my eyes moving to the floor “No I will not. I didn’t plan for this and I should have” 

“You could not have known” she sighed and gripped my hands “It is good to see you again Y/N. Your people are now safe and the thirteen that passed are safe and happy they died protecting you and the people you care about” she smiled and I nodded knowing she knew more about death then I. 

I nodded once more. We sat down and spoke for a while until the boys came back and told me the news they couldn’t find who it was, all I could do was a nod as I sat on the bed next to Amren and across from the boys. I loved them all so dear. I couldn’t live with myself if any of them were to get hurt. 

I didn’t eat that night, I couldn’t bring myself too and with a smile to them, I made my way back into my home, looking around I got undressed and had a shower. I needed to wash the grime and disgust for myself off of me, I had scrubbed my skin until it was red. You couldn’t tell if you cried while having a shower. Once done I sighed, dried and got dressed going to bed with Azriel behind me cuddling into my back. I didn’t sleep, I couldn’t his breathing was slow and even he had fallen asleep as I laid in place looking to the window across from me and flashes of the deads faces rang in my head though Amren’s words did comfort me to no end. I was glad for her and I loved her more than anything for allowing me to know they were safe and happy. 

The morning came and I left the bed dressing and walking out with a smile to a still sleeping Azriel, I didn’t make it far. I looked to see Cassian who looked to me, I shook my head knowing his questions and made my way to the food area. Grabbing a slice of bread I picked at it as I walked around and in the end threw the leftover bread into a nearby bush for the animals to have. While I was walking my mind wandered and I started to panic. I couldn’t breathe, so I ran.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 9

[crowkingwrites]

Something Awful

Pairing: Ramsay Bolton x Reader // Words: 4697 // Ao3 Link // Masterlist

Author’s Notes: SO THIS HAS TO BE THE LONGEST ONE SHOT I EVER WROTE and it really got away from me lol. 

I actually have an entire series that is based on this request? For those of you who know Vicious, it’s similar to this request. (You can start reading it here.) However! This one-shot is going to take a very different turn. Enjoy!

You felt your heart breaking when you met Talisa. The muscles in your chest pulled apart string by string which made it all feel so much better to see her pregnant body on the ground bleeding. The last thing you saw inside the Twins was Robb crawling to the girl he loved more. Robb deserved his fate, you thought.

Roose Bolton took you away from the whole thing. You were never meant to be at the Red Wedding, so when Roose saw your face he secretly told his men t not touch you. You were grateful to him while you both rode towards Winterfell.

“I am sorry to have put you through that. You were supposed to be with—

“I know,” you told Roose. You looked down and away from Roose. He bluntly gave you a reminder.

“You would never have been happy with the Young Wolf. He loved someone else much more than you. He already had his family planned with her. You deserve someone with much more loyalty and respect. Don’t cry over a dead man who would have been happy to see you gone.”

Lord Roose Bolton was right. As much as you wanted to follow his advice, it was difficult to harden your heart. Your brown eyes and black hair gave away that you were truly your father’s daughter. Robert told you stories of Lyanna Stark, and it reminded you of how you spoke of Robb Stark.

You desired Robb more than anything. You remembered Sansa’s smile and how her eyes were filled with delight in wanting your brother. You supposed both of you felt differently now. You knew your mother to be a hateful woman towards everyone else except for you and your siblings. You never thought she would go as far as to destroy houses and families to not have you marry a Stark.

Winterfell was in ruins when you arrived. The direwolves were all smashed in. The Stark banners shared a similar fate as Robb; in the ground, covered in shame and almost forgotten. Roose had shared news of your safety with your mother, but you decided to stay north. You weren’t ready to go back home yet.

You didn’t want to face your hateful mother who took Robb away from you. You couldn’t possibly face Sansa who was to be your sister. You figured that what you had with her was now gone. You wouldn’t be surprised if she wished you dead.

You mostly kept to yourself at Winterfell for the first week. Most servants cursed you, and other Northerners had plans to hurt you. Roose had noted that and called you to a meeting to discuss your security here at Winterfell. With power and money and a new lordship in his pocket, Roose had set his sights on a new goal: the Iron Throne.

Keeping you, the Princess of the Seven Kingdoms, safe and sound and happy in his home was in his best interest.

“I’m sure you are aware of the several people who have made threats to you,” Roose explained in front of his other men and you. You sat with your hands folded at a table of men who have betrayed House Stark. A fire crackled behind you.

“I’m aware. I believe my last chambermaid tried to poison me,” you confessed. “It may be time for to return home.”

“I would advise you against that,” Roose said. A map of Westeros sat in front of you. Roose pointed towards the Twins. “The knights of the Vale have boldly positioned themselves near the Twins. It wouldn’t be safe for you to return now with the Riverlands and the North this tense. If I can guarantee your safety here, would you like to stay longer?”

“Guarantee my safety? How?” you laughed at the Lord. It was impossible. You were a lion alone with direwolves and those loyal to them. Even if you attempted to go outside the walls of Winterfell, you were scared of any man or woman who saw your birthmark. Well, at least that’s what Cersei told you.

A large burn mark on your face reminded you how awful your father was. King Robert, the one who liberated the Seven Kingdoms, put your face near a fire as a babe because you were a girl. Cersei couldn’t face him much after that. How could a King hurt his daughter like that? What kind of man was that? Still, no one could know that the King hurt his daughter. Not after he took the throne from the Mad King.

The burn mark went from the corner of your mouth and stretched itself across your left cheek. Joffery always teased you about it. He claimed you and the Hound would make a lovely couple together. He also claimed you would never find any real love unless it was inside a brothel. Of course, you never really searched for any kind of love. You always thought Robb Stark would be your husband.

That is, until you saw Talisa.

Until you saw the way Robb looked at her.

Until you saw Robb crawling on the floor towards her, reaching her. Even in death, he still did not want you.

You could mourn over dead men and their dead lovers or you study at the young man in front of you. He had dark curls, hungry eyes, and a mouth that smiled at you like you were made of gold. His hands were folded in front of him. His emblem was the Bolton cross. Not one thing about him looked off to you.

“This is my bastard son,” Roose introduced you. “Ramsay took Winterfell from the Greyjoys and saw that their rebellion was paid their own blood. I trust him to protect you at all costs.” Ramsay took your hand and kissed the top of it. His hand pulled you up to his level.

“I never thought I would ever protect a future queen, much less meet one,” Ramsay told you. You felt color rush to your cheeks and you couldn’t meet his eyes much longer. Not many men gave you affectionate attention. Cersei would never leave you with a man alone for long, so you didn’t have much experience.

Now, you were going to spend a lot of time with a bastard named Ramsay.

--- 

“Who is your mother?” you asked the bastard one day. He sat next to you eating another apple. He used his flaying knife to cut off bit by bit.

“She was a miller’s wife.”

“Did your father—

“No,” Ramsay cut you off. “He didn’t love her. He had his way with her while her new husband hung above them. Did you parents love each other?”

“No, they did not. I hoped things were different up here,” you confessed to him. “According to you, things are more of the same. Maybe worse.”

“Worse? I am to be Lord and Warden of the North one day. You are to be the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. I don’t see much drawback from this.” A guard came into the room before you could go further in the conversation.

“We found another one,” he said. “Caught ‘im trying to send a letter out.”

“Well, what does the letter say?” Ramsay narrowed his eyes.

“Says where she sleeps. How to get past the guards.” Ramsay stopped the guard with his hand. He heard enough. He left his spot next to you by the fire.

“Milady, I expect this threat will take some time to take care of. I’m afraid I won’t see you until tomorrow.” You cocked and eyebrow. “Why does it matter if I won’t see you until tomorrow?”

Ramsay started to close the door behind him. “I was starting to like you. Don’t ruin it with silly questions.”

---

Ramsay had slain anyone who plotted to hurt you. He had displayed their skins and corpses and parts in the courtyard of Winterfell to remind everyone who House Bolton should be loyal to. Ramsay stood next to you spinning a yarn about the unfortunate soul in front of you. You felt something turning in your stomach.

It could the gruesome sight in front of you. The young woman’s toes were caked in her own blood. Her mouth was agape, and you could see bugs enter and exit her mouth. As if the small critters used her body for warmth and food.

Or it could be Ramsay. As handsome as he was, he was also terribly something awful. His smile when describing how she held strong until the end. He loved what he did to people. He was good at it. Still, something turned your stomach.

“Milady!” The maester came rushing to you. “There’s something you need to see.” His frown and worry concerned you. You followed the maester with Ramsay right behind you. Ramsay followed you wherever you went not because he felt obligated to, but he enjoyed your companionship.

Every morning, you helped take the hounds out for walks. Ramsay and you would share meals together. More recently, your new favorite hobby was mending Ramsay’s clothes. He liked the flaying man you embroidered for him.

The maester handed you the letter from King’s Landing. It was written in your mother’s hand. You read the words, but you couldn’t register them. It wasn’t real. You felt too much all at once. You did the improper thing and started to cry and curse out loud.

“Fuck! Fuck! No, this isn’t—I—No! Fuck this!”

“What? What is it?” Ramsay grabbed the letter from you. He read the words. “Your brother was poisoned by his enemies. The King is dead. Come home.”

---

You sat in your room alone. It had been a week since your King Brother was laid to rest in the Sept. Myrcella was in Dorne. You were in the North. Your youngest brother held the crown now. You knew gentle, loving Tommen. His grave was already dug. You needed to go home.

You spun a yarn in between your fingers, trying to focus on something, anything. The world around you became a blur of noise and shapes. You didn’t understand how this happened. All you knew was you wanted to destroy who did this to your family. Who put Myrcella in Dorne? Who married Sansa? Who wanted your brother dead? “You need to eat,” you heard behind you.

“I’m not hungry,” you answered back watching Ramsay roll his eyes. He pulled up a chair next to you.

“You mourn them too much,” Ramsay picked at the bread on your tray. “You want to cry and cry and cry. Go on. The world won’t stop for you.”

“That’s mean. My brother just died.”

“And you’re going to sit here and cry about it?”

“What else can I do?” you cried out in frustration. Ramsay laughed at you.

“You are the Princess of the Seven Kingdoms and you believe there’s nothing you can do?” Ramsay shook his head at you. “Do I what I would do.”

“I don’t torture people.”

“No, but you can end them. You could end them all,” Ramsay put the idea in your head. “You told me your uncle did it. So, let’s kill him.”

“He’s being put to trial first. We have processes. It’s only fair.”

“Fair? You want to be fair with a man who has hurt your family more than once? Tyrion has been a stain in your family line since the day he crawled out of your grandmother’s stomach. You know that.”

“With what resources then? I don’t have spies to do this work for me. I know no assassins. My family is a month’s ride away from me. Do you expect me to kill my uncle myself?”

Ramsay shook his head and left the comfort of his seat. He offered you his hand and guided you to a window.

“Look outside. What do you see?”

You did not like this game. You sighed and played along for him. “Snow. Land. Peasants.”

“The North,” Ramsay corrected you. “Five hundred miles that way, you’re still in the North. Another four hundred miles another way and you’re still in the North.”

“Your point?”

“This all belongs to me, but mostly it belongs to you, would you agree?” Ramsay placed his hands on your arms. They slid up to your shoulders.

“I agree. I still don’t see your point.”

“My father has proved his loyalty to your grandfather with what he accomplished at the Red Wedding. Tywin and Joffery made him a lord. Because of your grandfather, I have power, money, and land. I wonder, if I kill your enemies and hurt those who have hurt you, what will you make me?” Ramsay whispered the words into your ear.

You didn’t need spies. You didn’t need the same resources they had in King’s Landing. You had Ramsay Bolton, the flaying bastard.

---

Ramsay and you arrived in King’s Landing in complete secret. Ramsay didn’t bring an army with him, only twenty good men. You roamed the empty, abandoned brothels that Petyr Baelish left behind. You heard Ramsay exchange words with one of your mother’s spies. He left in haste, leaving you and Ramsay alone.

“Your mother knows you’re here. Along with someone named the Spider?” Ramsay asked, pulling at his shirt. You studied the young man. You noted the sweat on his brow.

“You don’t seem to be enjoying the warmer weather,” you smiled.

“I hate it. Why is it so hot? Isn’t it supposed to be nearing winter? This is ridiculous.” He looked around in disgust. His face made you giggle. Ramsay shot a look at you. “What?”

“You’re so miserable about the weather. It’s funny.” You smiled at him. You watched color rush to his face.

“I’m not funny.” He responded, turning away from you. You grabbed his arm and rested your head on his shoulder. Ramsay often let you do this, but you were never sure why. You’ve known Ramsay to have his girls. He slept with some on the way here, yet all of them had dark, long hair like yours. No, you were being silly. You were awful to look at. Your burn mark made sure of that.

Still, the tension between you was noted whenever a man looked at you wrong or when your fingers touched his sleeve. You wanted to say something was there. You wanted to ask, but your brother’s cruel words echoed in your mind.

“No one could ever stomach to look at that face every morning. The only love you’ll ever find will be in a dark brothel.”

“I’m sorry if I offended you. It wasn’t my intent. I was only teasing,” you said quietly between both of you. Ramsay placed a soft kiss on your head.

“I know, sweetling. We have to leave here. I don’t think your mother would want to find her daughter in a brothel with a bastard.”

---

Tywin welcomed you back to King’s Landing with open arms. He was more than delighted to see one of his granddaughters. You would claim your grandfather to dote on you, but he was a disciplined, conservative man. He noted how close Ramsay Bolton and you became.

“What happened in the North?” Tywin asked you.

“What do you mean?” you sat drinking wine with your grandfather. You finally wore your favorite summer dresses. It was a purple dress embellished with gold details. Golden flowers, golden stags, golden lions all delicately decorated your new gown. It felt light and pretty, nothing like the heavy layers you had to wear in the North.

“You experienced what happened at the Twins and you chose to stay in the North, why?” Tywin always questioned you like was trying to teach you another lesson.

“I was promised over and over to a young wolf. In one night, he was taken away from me by my family. The same family who told me I would be marrying him. Don’t you think a little distrust would form after that?”

“You don’t trust your family?”

“I needed time. The Boltons have been incredible hosts to me, and they reminded me why the Starks are traitors.”

“Roose Bolton reminded you? Or did his son remind you?”

“If you’re implying something, I suggest you get to the point,” you said in a cross manner. Tywin blinked and smiled.

“If you were a boy, you would have made a better king than your brother.”

“And I can’t be a queen? I’m in line for throne. Remember?” you said to Tywin. Tywin cleared his throat. His eyes followed a figure that entered the room. The first thing you saw were the rich red sleeves and collar. You suspected they hid armor underneath. The next thing you saw was a black tunic with the flaying man sewn into the fabric. A black belt held it together along with his sword and two daggers.

“Am I interrupting?” Ramsay spoke to Tywin. Tywin shook his head.

“Not at all. Is the South treating you better?”

Ramsay narrowed his eyes. “Why do all of you waste time with your small talk?” You quickly stood up from your seat and walked over to Ramsay.

“Forgive him, grandfather,” you smiled. “He wasn’t raised in castles like you and me. He doesn’t know how to be a lord.”

“Because he’s a legitimized bastard. There seems to be a lot of you in the North.” Ramsay’s hand went to his dagger, but you held onto his hand. You guided him away from murdering Tywin and towards the gardens.

“Do not anger my grandfather unless you wish to die,” you warned him.

“Tywin is as weak as his age. I doubt he could hurt me. Tyrion is in the dungeons. I plan to kill him tonight,” Ramsay said.

“Tonight? So soon? Don’t you think we need to wait and pla—

“There’s already a plan. I told you, I only need twenty good men. Do you want your uncle Tyrion to face justice or do you want him to escape?”

“Escape? What are yo—

“Your mother told me her whispers. The Spider has plans to help Tyrion escape justice tonight.”

“No, Tyrion will be put to the sword. There was a trial by combat. He dies tomorrow.” You assured him.

“No, he dies tonight. If you don’t let me do things my way, that throne will never belong to you.” Ramsay pulled you away from the public eye of the gardens. Behind tall bushes, Ramsay grabbed your hand again. “Must I remind you why I followed you here?”

“For the throne? You want power.” You said.

“As true as that sounds, I’m not an idiot. I was never raised in a castle. You were.”

‘Is this another game?” you asked. Ramsay pulled you closer to him.

“No, this is a reminder,” Ramsay brushed away the hair in front of your burn mark. He place his lips on yours and sent you into a trance. You didn’t realize your first kiss would be so wonderful. Ramsay wrapped his arms around you and deepened the kiss. You broke it apart when you felt dizzy in his arms.

“Ram—

“I never thought I would care for a southern girl, yet here I am. Our place is here. I’ll kill every single one of your family that betrays us to get you on that throne.” Ramsay kissed you once more. Leaving you almost breathless and filled with silly thoughts again.

Late in the night, you heard the bells go off. Those were alarm bells. You rushed to your door and locked it. It wasn’t much, but you had hoped you would be safe there. You waited and waited until you heard three sharp knocks.

Ramsay.

You opened the door slightly to see the roughed up young lord with a monstrous smile on his face. Five of his men were behind him now. Each of them were a bit bloodied up, but Ramsay had a lovely sword cut on his face. The blood dripped down his cheek.

“My lady, I have some wonderful news to share.”

---

Ramsay and his men had slaughtered Tyrion who attempted to escape his fate. Tyrion’s mistake was murdering his own whore lover and Tywin. Ramsay was revered as a hero by your younger brother, King Tommen. Ramsay stood before his king, smiling as Tommen stroked his ego.

“You have done Westeros a favor. You and your family have served the realm well. Whatever you ask that is in my power, it is yours,” Tommen smiled to Ramsay. Nearly everyone inside the court that day wore black. Ramsay’s black outfit was outfitted with gold and red details. Your family’s colors and his.

“You honor me, my King. I come to you as a young lord. I come to you humble and grateful, but if I were to ask for one thing,” Ramsay glanced at you for a moment and then met the King’s eyes. “I would ask you for your sister’s hand. I’ve grown quite fond of her. I’d like to make her mine.”

You smiled from ear to ear. You guessed your late brother was right. You did find love in a brothel.

---

While Tommen tried to be a pure king, you had already consummated with Ramsay several times before your own wedding night. Ramsay’s favorite part of you was your neck and your chest. He left his own marks all over you, so that your mother would know that you belonged to him now.

“You’re covering them up, aren’t you?” Cersei said. “His little love marks.”

“How did you kn—

“Have you forgotten that I know everything?” Cersei smiled at you. You’ve always felt your mother’s warmth. That never changed. She pushed your hair back to see both your burn mark and the marks Ramsay left on you. “I was once your age too. I hid mine better. Try wearing your hair down more.”

“You’re not angry with me?” you asked her.

“No,” Cersei took your hand and lead you with it. The day had begun to cool. You kept your mother close to you. She continued. “I’m not angry with you. I want you to be happy. Are you happy with him?”

“Yes,” you confessed. “I am. He makes me happy.”

“Good,” Cersei held you close. “But the minute he doesn’t make you happy anymore, tell me. And he will be ashes before you could shed a tear. Do you understand?” As you nodded towards your mother, a guard burst into your private moment. The Mountain glared at him with his bright red eyes.

“My queen, my lady,” the guard greeted. “The Sparrows have invaded the Red Keep. We need to get you to safety now.” Locked away in Cersei’s room, both you and she were protected by the Mountain. You heard yelling and fighting on the other side of Cersei’s door. You sucked in all of your breath and held onto her before you heard a familiar voice enter the room.

“Those religious fuckers,” Ramsay laughed. You eyed his armored body and cut arms. “Does your son take criticism? Or do I need to convince him how bad this is?”

---

You did not need to convince Tommen. He stood there raging, fuming mad at the poor figure of his mother. How little she was. How hurt she was. Tommen no longer hid, he roared.

You see, you only knew Joffery and yourself to have a temper. Myrcella and Tommen both were entirely too gentle to hurt anyone or anything. When Tommen saw the condition of Cersei when she returned from her walk of shame, he looked at your betrothed, Ramsay Bolton, and spoke to him.

“How many men do you need? How many to take down the Sparrows?”

You wished your king’s rage continued. You hoped Tommen would see how terrible the Sparrows were. Once you saw both Queen Margaery and King Tommen join hands with the High Sparrow, you knew it was over.

---

You clearly remembered that morning. You wore all black just like your mother and your betrothed. Chains hung from Ramsay’s chest and arms. A brand new, obsidian sword was his to touch. You wore your hair down, not to hide Ramsay’s love marks, but to hide the bruise on your neck. Something you earned last night when you challenged your lover to hurt you.

Ramsay’s fingers brushed against yours. You both quietly held hands and watched the sept. Everything had been so quiet. You didn’t realize how quiet King’s Landing could be until you heard the explosion. A bright green colored your vision as smoke filled the air. It was astonishing and awful. Your mother had managed to defeat both threats at once. The Sparrows and Tyrell House were gone.

Ramsay wore the biggest smile on his face. He looked on the spectacle in awe. If your mother could do that, what kind of damage could you do? He started to get ideas in his head. How could he get away with killing the king? How far would he go to put you on the throne? How far could he go to put himself there?

Being a king meant that you had access to power like this. You could do whatever you wanted. Ramsay found himself daydreaming of both of you on the throne. He sat on the iron throne while you stood by, holding a small bundle. Now, he wanted it. He was so close.

Ramsay didn’t realize how easy it was.

You were frozen to the spot when Qyburn came to tell you the news. Cersei had followed Qyburn to his lab while you stood there trying to digest what you had heard.

“Tommen killed himself.” You said quietly. “After everything my family has been through. Joffery was murdered at his wedding. Myrcella was cold before she touched land again, and now Tommen kills himself?” You felt the anger warp you into something awful.

“Y/N. Sweetling,” Ramsay called out to you. He snapped his fingers in front of your face. “Focus.”

“My family is dying around me,” the words came out cold. They cut Ramsay’s face and he delivered the same cold truth to you.

“I told you. You spend too much time mourning the dead. Do you realize who you are now? Who we are? What power we have together?” Ramsay kissed you and you felt the world melt away again. Before you could deepen the kiss, he broke apart from you.

“What’s wrong?” you asked. Ramsay held your face in his hands.

“Nothing,” he shook his head. For the first time, you saw his genuine happiness. His face softened and gazed down at you with something more than what your mother gave you. His fingers combed through your hair. He saw nothing else in the world but you. “This world is ours. Yours and mine.”

---

Your coronation was held only hours after the incident. Ramsay watched you walk in complete awe. You had never looked more beautiful in your life. A crown of stag antlers was placed on your head. The Seven Kingdoms was now yours to have and control. You looked sad for the occasion, but when you were alone with the man who helped put you there you smiled.

“My king,” you teased him. Ramsay kissed you deeply once more.

“My queen,” he tenderly said back. The pair of you walked together to a small council meeting to discuss immediate issues. The Sept needed to be handled. Your brother’s funeral was to be planned. The people of the city needed to be addressed.

When Ramsay’s lips touched yours in front of the people of Westeros, he became King Ramsay Bolton, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms. Both of you had everything you ever wanted now. A crown adorned his head like a halo. Ramsay felt like a god among his new subjects.

While you rested inside taking in the new feeling of being so very much loved, Ramsay pulled Varys and Littlefinger aside. The small council chambers were empty with the exception of the three men. Everyone enjoyed the wedding estivates outside. Ramsay twirled his flaying knife between his fingers.

“Varys, Littlefinger,” King Ramsay began. “Tell me about this girl and her dragons across the sea.”

Ultimate Tag List (People who wished to be tagged in EVERY work I post.)

@angelicshinigami @sugarwastaken @carilov09 @i-theredqueen@sleepylunarwolf@loki-0fasgard  @parkerplexed

Game of Thrones Tag List (People who wish to be tagged in everything GoT related)

@boltonblade @why-so-red @sj-thefan @sunshinesydney-blog@drunkenpoets@antiscocialfanwarrior  @fnnexua@fraueninflammen@wanna-plan-world-domination @bravado07@k-macncheese@theladyofrice  @lokimysunandstars@tyri-yawn@kcd15 @theocatkov @cassandrabelleaime @oberyners

[albapuella]

How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter Two)

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.

Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday. Didn’t bother with the formatting this time: You want the fancy formatting, go to AO3 :D

Day 1:

Despite his slacker appearance (and life-style, to be honest), Dave was always punctual. He'd even made an effort to look the part of a guy going on a date with another guy: jeans with only a few holes at the knees, his favorite record shirt, and a red hoodie—all freshly cleaned. So freshly cleaned that the sweater was still very slightly damp. Well, whatever, it'd be fine. They were having dinner first, and that meant he'd have plenty of time for the thing to dry out before they went to the movies where the main thrust of Dave's doki-doki plan would commence.

Karkat arrived a few minutes later. He wasn't dressed to the nines, but it was at least to the sevens. It occurred to Dave, as he watched him approach, that he hadn't known how tall Karkat was. The answer was slightly shorter than Dave but with a more solid build. Stocky. Or maybe that was just the black sweater he was wearing. Then again, his legs looked pretty solid in the black pants he was wearing, too. Either way, he looked good.

Dave gave him an appreciative whistle which made Karkat's eyes narrow. Not the reaction he'd wanted. “Looking good, Karkat,” he said quickly, hoping to smooth over any feathers he might have inadvertently ruffled. “I'm digging the whole sexy college professor thing you've got going.”

“Uh, thanks,” Karkat said with evident disbelief. “You, uh, you look good, too.” He straightened up. “You said we were doing dinner first.”

“Yep.” Dave held out his arm. “I’m taking you to my favorite place. A lot of people think it’s wack, but I’m buying, so if you really don’t like it, at least it didn’t cost you anything.” When his date didn't immediately take his offered arm, he shook it invitingly. “It's not too far from here.”

Karkat looked from Dave's arm to Dave, suspicious. Then he sighed and laid his hand on Dave's arm, his hold tighter than Dave had expected it to be considering his earlier hesitation. “Okay. Fine. Sounds great. Let's go.”

---

The first thing Karkat noticed when he took Dave's arm was that his sleeve was damp. Then he noticed the feeling of the arm beneath his fingers. Despite looking thin enough to break, there was some muscle here. As they walked to what was apparently Dave’s favorite restaurant, Dave just kept talking. If Karkat had been offered a thousand dollars, he doubted he could have remembered any specific details of the inanity he'd been subjected to. A nervous talker. He'd have to put that down in his notes.

Dinner went much the same. Dave talked at him while Karkat sat there trying to eat his food (overpriced, faux Italian—of all the places Dave could have chosen, he'd picked a fucking Olive Garden? That was going in his notes, too.). In all honesty, Karkat tried not to pay too much attention to what was being said. First, he'd already determined that most of what came out of this man's mouth was completely meaningless nonsense, and second, if he actually listened to any of it, he'd be hard pressed not to respond to the idiocy. While Dave had no evident compunction about swearing, Karkat wanted to get through at least this first date without screaming.

All right, so that was an exaggeration. Some of what Dave said was actually pretty funny. In a hopelessly awkward sort of way. Karkat hated that Dave's clumsy compliments were making him blush. Clearly, the man had brain damage... which also explained the rapping that Dave kept doing (completely unprovoked!). By the time dinner was over, Karkat was only too grateful that their next destination meant that Dave would have to stop talking.

---

Since Dave had picked the restaurant, Karkat had picked the movie. Some romantic comedy chick flick Dave couldn't be bothered to remember the title of. Still, it gave him an opportunity to sit right tight next to Karkat and eat his weight in popped, buttery goodness, so he really couldn't complain.

“What’s the deal with that dude?” Dave whispered. “I thought he was already tight with that other chick. What gives? Is he cheating on her?”

Karkat made a noise like a cat being stepped on but softer. “Dave,” he whispered back, his tone full of the same sing-songy patient impatience that Rose would use when she thought Dave was being particularly dim, “if you were paying attention, you'd already know that that 'dude' is that 'other chick's' cousin. They are probably not romantically involved. I know you're from Texas, but that's not how it works above the Mason Dixon line.” Then he ducked his head and took a long drink from his soda. “Sorry. Just-just watch the movie and be quiet.”

Dave blinked. He'd been starting to think Karkat wasn't going to open up at all. At least, he'd had fuck all to say during dinner. Even if it had been an incest joke at his expense, it still was nice to hear Karkat say something. Something that wasn't just non-committal noises or unenthusiastic agreements. He leaned against Karkat's shoulder to whisper, “It's not true, you know. About Texas. We don't fuck our cousins; I mean, we do, but not first cousins. We're strictly second cousins only. It's a rule. Of course, none of my second cousins are as hot as you, so I'd be willing to make an exception. Just this once.”

This earned him a light elbowing to the gut and a low growl, but Karkat didn't push him off.

By the end of the movie, Dave had gotten five more elbows to the gut, three startled bursts of laughter, two creative insults (quickly joined by muttered apologies), and one “Will you please just let me watch this movie?” Over all, Dave felt like he'd succeeded in charming the hell out of this motherfucker, thank you very much.

They'd walked out into the open air, a nice breeze whisking away the smell of popcorn and sweat from the movie theater. “I had a lot of fun, Karkat. Thanks for coming on this date with me. Do you think we could do this again sometime?”

Karkat blinked at him, a clear look of surprise on his face. “Oh, uh, sure.” He shook his head. “I mean, yes, I'd love to go on another date with you.”

Dave's heart leapt. “Awesome. You can hit me up on Pesterchum. Or I can hit you up. How about I hit you up?”

“Fine, that's... that's fine.” Karkat's smile seemed uneven. “I'll be looking forward to it.”

Although Dave was tempted to try for a kiss, he didn't think he ought to press his luck so far on the first date. Karkat had loosened up some while they'd been in the theater, but out here under the streetlight, he looked nervous again. The last thing Dave wanted to do was chase him away. “Okay then. I guess I'll see you later?”

A slow nod. “Yeah, later.” Karkat was stilted and contained again. Restricted, like a hermit crab stuck in a shell that was too tight. It wouldn't do. It wouldn't do at all. Dave had caught a few glimpses of the real Karkat tonight, and the sight made him hungry to see more.

Dave watched him walk away, admiring the view with a new goal in mind: he was going to get Karkat Vantas out of his shell if it was the last thing he did. Getting to rub him in Rose’s face at her wedding was only going to be a bonus.

---

* Never shuts up. Not even during movies. Especially during movies. Attention span of a gnat. From Texas. Doesn't know how to use a dryer. Finds me attractive. Probable brain damage. Funny. Charming. Obnoxious. Never takes off sunglasses. Olive Garden.

Karkat sighed and set down his pen. He'd tried his best to be as cordial as he knew how to be, and he still hadn't managed to last for the entire four hours without insulting his date. Multiple times. Oh well. At least Dave was apparently brain damaged enough to find rudeness terribly amusing (if the way he'd kept bugging Karkat during the movie had been any indication).

He'd been surprised when Dave had actually asked if they could go on another date. Karkat knew he hadn't made the best impression, and yet Dave wanted to spend more time with him? He looked over his notes, trying to ignore the surge of happiness that filled him at the thought. It didn't mean anything: Dave was clearly an idiot, and after a few more days, Karkat was going to start on the offensive. Whatever meager promise there would have been in this fledgling romance, it was still doomed from the start: like all of Karkat's relationships.

Day 2:

It was all Dave could do to wait until the next day to pester Karkat. He didn't want to come off as too eager, after all. Didn't want to put Karkat off. But Dave was only so strong.

TG: so i was thinking TG: if youre not busy TG: we could go to the park this afternoon TG: watch the grifters and maybe get robbed TG: or you could come to my place and hang TG: is it too soon to do that? TG: asking for a friend TG: this is dave by the way TG: i dont know how many people youre talking to TG: not that its any of my business TG: i wouldnt want you up in my grill asking me who im talking to CG: IT IS SIX O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING ON SUNDAY. TG: yea and youre up anyway CG: BECAUSE YOU WOKE ME UP. WITH YOUR TEXTS. THAT YOU SENT JUST NOW. TG: oh shit sorry CG: IT'S FINE. I NEEDED TO GET UP ANYWAY. CG: YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME? WHY?

Dave frowned down at his phone. Was Karkat fishing for compliments or was he being serious?

TG: because its fun to hang out with you TG: thats how this works right? TG: i thought we could watch another movie TG: at my place TG: or your place i guess if that works better for you TG: ive got popcorn if that sweetens the deal at all CG: YES. BECAUSE THE WAY TO MY HEART IS MICROWAVED POPCORN. TG: fucking called it CG: … CG: FINE. I'LL MEET YOU AT THE PARK AT 2:30PM. IS THAT ACCEPTABLE? TG: perfect ill meet you by the giant yo CG: YOU MEAN THE OY/YO. TG: tomatoes tomotoes karkat

Dave watched the little “CG is typing” message run for almost a minute, feeling his nervousness grow. What had he said that required a novel length response? He managed to reign in the impulse to apologize preemptively, but it was a struggle.

CG: OKAY. WHATEVER. I'LL MEET YOU THERE.

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Fine, good then. Nothing was wrong.

TG: im looking forward to it TG: its not hard to intuit TG: when we come out to debut TG: sit by the yo then well go round TG: downtown get the lowdown TG: before we get busy in the hissie TG: partake of the fizzie cause we got a duty TG: to watch the fuck out of this movie CG: RIGHT. SEE YOU THEN. BYE.

Dave shrugged. He couldn't expect Karkat to really appreciate his off the cuff rhymes so soon after waking up, he supposed. Maybe they'd land better later. Flat reception or not, the important thing was he'd gotten Karkat to agree to come to his apartment. He looked around, frowning. Maybe he should clean up a little.

---

Jesus Fucking Christ. Karkat tossed his phone on the bedside table with a groan. It had been all that he could do not to curse out Dave like there would never be a tomorrow. Considering the fact that he was currently planning to go to the apartment of a practical stranger, that much might just be true for him. He lay in bed a little longer, out of spite mostly—he could never get back to sleep after being woken up—, before getting out from under the covers. First things first: notes.

* Inconsiderate asshole. Horrible rapper. Calls the OY/YO “the YO”. Doesn't know the right way to express “tomatoes, tomahtos”. Wants to spend time with me. Insane. We have that much in common.

Thanks to Dave's wake-up call, Karkat had plenty of time to eat a hearty breakfast and start his article.

“How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure” BY KARKAT VANTAS

Since you have decided to read this article, I will assume that you are looking to learn the art of ruining your relationships without the mess of all that trial and error. Maybe you enjoy breaking hearts. Maybe you are the kind of masochist who enjoys getting their heart broken but is at a loss as to how to properly sabotage your relationship yourself. If you can manage to follow these simple steps, you will be well on your way to the same bitter loneliness that usually only the most unlucky in love get the privilege to experience. 

The first step is the victim. For the purposes of this article, I picked one that is particularly obnoxious and brain dead. You may have different qualities you are looking for in a potential short-term partner. Ultimately, the most important thing to consider when you plan to lose a guy (or gal or enby) is that you make certain they are one you do not mind losing. That way you can start the process without any regrets.

The second step is the hook. Laugh at their dumb jokes; accept their stupid compliments; ignore their mangling of the English language (in my case, his horrible rapping); and generally be as agreeable as you can manage. A severe lack of intelligence in your short-term partner can be a boon here, though you will find most people are not immune to flattery. You need to make certain that you have your short-term partner well and truly interested in you before you attempt to lose them. If you try to lose them too soon, you will miss out on the full relationship ruining experience.

A little too informal, maybe, but a fine start. Depending on how well this afternoon went (assuming he wasn't murdered and stuffed in a closet), maybe Karkat would be able to start on step three. He was able to stomp down his nascent guilt with ease. After all, Dave wouldn't have been interested in him after the novelty wore off anyway.

---

The afternoon was a little warmer than the evening had been, but Dave still wore his hoodie. It felt lucky, and it was still clean. More the latter than the former, but the point stood! He sat down on the bench next to the giant yellow YO installation and waited. While it was tempting to shoot a message to Karkat, he decided against it. He’d be seeing him in less than ten minutes, and he didn’t want him to think he was clingy. Which he wasn’t. Totally not. Dave Strider had never clung his whole life. Ask anyone. Except Jade. Don’t ask her. 

He noticed his leg was bouncing and put a stop to that noise. He was a cool operator. He had this thing on lock. The date yesterday had gone good, right? Karkat wouldn’t have agreed to see him again if he’d had a terrible time. He pushed back his hood and ran a hand through his hair. Nothing to worry about. He’d have a date for Rose’s wedding and continue sorting out the mystery that was Karkat Vantas.

Dave heard the crunch of gravel and looked over to see Karkat approaching. Another sweater combo, but gray this time. The guy had a style he preferred, clearly. It was fine: he looked great. He stood and closed the distance between them. “Hey, Karkat.”

“Hey,” Karkat returned, frowning. Of course, that seemed to be his default expression. “I brought a movie to watch,” he said gruffly. 

Although Dave had been hoping he’d be able to pick the movie this time, he wasn’t too cut up about it. It might be a little early in the relationship to bring out The Room anyway. He wouldn’t know. “Sounds great. My place isn’t too far from here.” He held his arm out. “Shall we?”

Again, Karkat regarded his arm with suspicion. “Why do you do this?”

“Do what?”

Karkat opened his mouth before seeming to think better of whatever he’d planned to say. “Never mind.” He took Dave’s arm. “Let’s get going.”

As they walked to his apartment, Dave tried to keep the conversation flowing, but Karkat’s subdued responses quickly killed his enthusiasm. “I feel like I’m talking too much,” he said finally. 

Karkat mumbled something which sounded suspiciously like “You think?” before he shook his head. “No, of course not. I’m just a little too tired to, uh, participate, that’s all.”

Dave winced at the reminder of his first faux pas of the day. “No problem, dude. I got us covered. I got words for days.”

“Months even,” Karkat added before ducking his head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have--”

Nudging Karkat’s side, Dave laughed. “Nah, man it’s true. I’ve got words for fucking years.”

Karkat smiled slightly. “Decades.”

“Centuries.”

“Eons”

“Until the next motherfucking epoch, I’ve got words, Karkat. So many words. All the words even.”

Karkat snorted, covering his face with his free hand. “Damn it, Dave. Stop making yourself likeable.”

“I think that’s the point of this whole thing,” Dave pointed out reasonably. “Dating, I mean. It’s not like the old days where your dad and my dad decide if you’re worth enough chickens to trade me for, you know. These days I get to decide for myself how many chickens I want to be traded for.” He gave Karkat a mock critical eye. “How about it, Karkat? How many chickens could I get for you?”

“I don’t know,” Karkat said, his mock serious tone almost too close to a serious tone for Dave’s comfort. “Let me look in my pocket.” He made a show of staring down at the pocket containing his free hand before sliding the hand out and flipping Dave the bird. “Is this enough for you?”

Dave laughed. “I’m sorry, Karkat. You must have at least five chickens to ride this ride.” He felt his face flush but pushed onward. “I guess you’ll have to settle for a movie, and maybe some pizza.”

Karkat was grinning, and Dave decided right then and there that he wanted to keep seeing it. “Maybe next time.” As though to intentionally spite him, Karkat frowned again. “Are we almost there?”

“Yeah, man, just a little further.” As they continued their journey to his apartment, Dave felt himself frown. What was Karkat’s deal? He was a lot more fun when he let himself be himself. Dave didn’t like meanness for meanness sake, but he enjoyed a good joke. For some reason, Karkat seemed to think he shouldn’t joke around? Why? His frown deepened. Karkat also apologized a lot. And he was so often deferential even when it was obvious he had OPINIONS he wasn’t sharing. The pieces were adding up to a disturbing picture. 

Maybe after he was done hanging out with Karkat today, he should hit up Rose. She’d know what to do.

---

Karkat’s expectations for Dave’s apartment had been fairly low, and he’d been pleasantly surprised. While not as meticulous as his own apartment, there at least weren’t empty food containers on every surface or dirty clothes everywhere. There was an overall shabbiness though: the feeling that the occupant didn’t care overly much about the apartment’s upkeep. The futon in front of the television was ancient and threadbare as were the carpets. The posters hung on the walls were dusty and faded, and there was a sort of mildewy smell. Still, as previously mentioned it was clean (more or less), and there were no obvious signs of a hidden murder dungeon (not that there would be if there were one, naturally). 

“Nice place,” he said for politeness’ sake. 

Dave beamed like a little boy who’d gotten just what he’d wanted for Christmas. “Thanks. It’s not much, but it keeps the rain off.” He gestured towards the futon. “Make yourself at home. Do you want anything to drink? I’ve got apple juice. And water from the tap, I guess. I could go pick up some beer if you want to go that route, or--”

Karkat held up his hand, hoping to stem the tide of suggestions. “Water’s fine, thank you.”

“You’ve got it,” Dave said before tilting his head and making twin awkward gestures with both hands involving his pointer fingers. “I’ll be back in a flash.”

It wasn’t until after he’d disappeared into, presumably, the kitchen that Karkat realized he’d been making finger guns. What a dork. Not that Karkat was any more suave, but he liked to think he was at least less childish. He tried to supplant the rush of fondness he felt by recalling just how pissed he’d been with this manchild this morning. It was not one hundred percent successful.

Dave returned with two glasses: water for Karkat, and apple juice for himself. “Take a seat,” he insisted as he set the glasses on the coffee table (sans coasters). “It won’t bite.”

Gingerly, Karkat took a seat on the ancient futon. The padding was so thin, he could feel the bars beneath. It was going to take a while to become unbearable, and he hoped this hang out? date? didn’t last long enough for that to happen. Just as he’d been about to reach for the water, suddenly uncertain whether he actually ought to drink anything Dave gave him, Dave flopped down onto the futon beside him like a sack of gangly flour. “Dave!”

“S’up?” Dave asked, grinning. 

“Don’t ‘s’up’ me--,” Karkat managed to stop himself from calling Dave an asshole, but only just. “Just don’t ‘s’up’ me. Speak like a normal person.” He realized he was making a mistake as soon as the words were out of his mouth. “Sorry, I--”

“Dude,” Dave said, his grin dropping away, “Karkat, you don’t have to apologise for every kind of mean thing you say. I’m a big boy: I can take it.” 

Karkat supposed he shouldn’t be surprised: he’d never been good at pretending to be a good person. If he could have managed that feat for any length of time, he wouldn’t be in this position. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said as dryly as he could. 

“I’m serious.” Dave sat up and turned to face Karkat head on, and Karkat saw his own annoyed expression mirrored in the black lenses. “I haven’t known you very long, and maybe I shouldn’t say anything, but--”

“You’re right,” Karkat interrupted, feeling his tenuous hold on his temper slipping. “You shouldn’t say anything.” After taking a moment to make sure he wasn’t going to say anything he didn’t mean to, he spoke again. “Let’s just watch the movie and eat some microwaved popcorn. Does that sound like something we could do? Or would you like to keep pretending you have some deep insights into my character as though we’ve known each other longer than three days?”

Dave raised his hands, and Karkat realized he’d sounded far more aggressive than the situation warranted. At this rate, he wouldn’t even get a chance to lose this asshole! Nice job, Vantas: stellar work. “No, you’re right. I’ll step off.” Dave said softly. He got off of the futon with far more grace than he’d flopped onto it with. “You just put the movie in, and I’ll, uh, I’ll make the popcorn.”

Karkat watched him go before putting his head in his hands. Well, fuck. As though this whole situation hadn’t been awkward before. He should just leave. Just leave, forget about his stupid article, and stop dragging this stupidly likeable idiot down with him. He should. 

He stayed where he was. 

---

Dave took maybe longer than he absolutely needed to to prepare the popcorn. As much as he liked to consider himself a smooth operator, he could tell when he’d made a mistake, and he wanted to give the guy in the other room a chance to cool down. What made it made it worse was that Karkat had been right to get mad at him: Dave barely knew him. In his place, Dave would probably be pissed, too. 

Even so, Dave didn’t think he was wrong about the conclusions he’d come to. It was obvious that Karkat was, for whatever reason, putting on a show for Dave’s sake. Honestly, it was kind of creepy. If he understood why Karkat felt the need to do that, he’d feel better about it.

But it wasn’t his business. Not yet. Maybe you had to reach a certain level on the boyfriend echeladder before that kind of thing was something you talked about. It would probably help if they were actually boyfriends and not just newly dating, too. There seemed to be at least one obvious solution to that problem.

Dave could be patient. After all, he still had eleven days or so to get Karkat to at least like him enough to be his plus one at Rose’s wedding. It wasn’t all he wanted anymore, but it'd be enough to start with. As Rose had so often told him, start with small goals. 

He poured an obscene amount of butter over the popcorn in the bowl and headed out to the living room. Karkat was bent over, fiddling with the DVD player, and when he looked up at Dave, his mouth was curved somewhat upwards. “What movie do you have for us?”

Karkat stood. “Coming to America.” He made his way back to the futon and sat down as though worried he might fall through if he sat down too quickly. “It’s more comedy than romantic, so I thought you might enjoy it more.”

That sounded vaguely familiar. “Okay.” Dave joined him on the futon, taking care not to startle him this time. “Let’s get this party started.”

---

Karkat had hoped bringing a comedy would hold Dave’s attention enough to keep him from talking through the whole thing. He’d been mistaken. Yes, a lot of what Dave said was funny, but it just never fucking stopped. Finally, Karkat couldn’t take it anymore.

He grabbed the remote and paused the movie. Then he very deliberately set the remote back down. “I want you to listen to me, Dave. Are you listening?”

Dave looked confused, but he nodded. “Yeah, I’m listening. Do you have something you want to tell me? I’m all ears. Lay it on me.”

God, he couldn’t even listen without rambling! “Would it kill you to shut up?” He saw Dave’s eyebrows peek over the tops of his glasses. A part of him told him to reconsider his current course of action, but naturally, Karkat could never abide by a piece of good advice. “Would it literally cause you to drop dead if you couldn’t expel your idiocy out of your mouth like a goddamned septic pipe full of half-formed metaphors and bullshit? Would your head explode? Can we try that experiment and see what happens?” Karkat felt his fingernails biting into his palms and realized he’d clenched his fists. “What do you say, Dave? Wait, I’ve changed my mind: don’t say anything. Let me bask in the gentle ethereal glow of silence for a moment. Can you do that for me, Dave? Can you let me bask? Will the endless flow of words finally cease?”

‘No’ was clearly the answer to that question since Dave was already opening his mouth. Then, to Karkat’s utter shock, he shut it again. His expression wasn’t ever easy to read with those douche shades he insisted on wearing all the time, but now it was completely closed off. Even the eyebrows had lowered back to their original position.

Silence stretched between them. 

Karkat felt sick to his stomach. Shit. Shit. He really just couldn’t do it, could he? Couldn’t pretend even for a few hours that he was a normal person. Well, so much for this experiment. Time to write off this little adventure. Was it worth even trying to apologise? Before he could decide, Dave made the decision for him. 

He was clapping. “Damn, just got owned,” he said, a wide grin splitting his face. “You owned me, Karkat. You should feel proud. Not everyone gets own this,” he gestured to himself. “I just hope you know what you’re getting into: I’m barely house trained.”

For an embarrassingly high number of seconds, all Karkat could do was blink. “You’re not mad?”

“Fuck no,” Dave said, still grinning. “I’m a big kid now. I’ve graduated from diapers all the way to pull ups. It takes more than a finely crafted, well-deserved take down to take me down.” The grin softened. “This is what I was trying to say before: I want to date you, not some weird super agreeable version of you. If you want to tell me off for talking too much, fucking go for it. You’ve got a way with insults--it’s a gift. Frankly, I’m insulted you’ve been keeping it to yourself.”

“There’s more where that comes from, asshole,” Karkat said before he could stop himself. To his amazement, Dave still seemed more amused than anything. A strange mixture of anger and fondness welled up inside him. “Stop grinning at me, and watch the fucking movie.” He picked up the remote and hesitated. “You don’t have to be silent,” he said, still feeling a little guilty over his earlier outburst, “just maybe less talking?”

Dave made a big show of running a zipper over his lips. Then he immediately ruined it by saying, “Scouts honor, Karkat. My word is bond. You can cash that shit at the bank.”

Karkat tried to picture Dave as a boy scout and failed. “Right.” He pressed play and the movie resumed. Of course, Dave still talked during the movie, but the sheer volume of words had slowed to a moderate stream rather than the full-bore blasting Karkat had been subjected to earlier. As he sat there on the futon, occasionally answering Dave’s stupid comments with barbs of his own, he felt warm in a way that was only nominally connected to the temperature of the arm he was leaning against. He felt… content.

---

Overall, Operation Hang Out had been a big success. It had been rocky in places, but again, overall, Dave felt like he’d hit his major mission objectives. A movie was watched, pizza was consumed, and Karkat finally, finally, did something other than apologise every time a hint of the person he’d met at the cafe had come through. He didn’t necessarily want to keep pissing Karkat off, but that bitch fit he’d thrown had been epic. 

Karkat wasn’t the kind of guy Dave had expected to find himself interested in. At least, he’d never thought he’d have a grumpy asshole kink. Not that he hadn’t enjoyed the more quiet parts of Karkat’s visit, too. It had felt nice to sit on the futon with someone leaning against his shoulder. Dave wasn’t a sap, no, not a suave guy like him, but he couldn’t deny he’d like to do it again some time. 

He considered texting Rose as he’d planned to earlier before deciding not to. After all, he’d managed the first crisis all on his own, and she might consider it cheating if he got her help. No, for now at least, this bird was flying solo.

---

* Clean apartment. Finger guns. Puts too much butter on popcorn. Also talks during movies outside theater setting. Likes getting insulted. Kink?  Wants to date the “real” me. Delusional. Comfortable arm. Had a nice time. Had acceptable time. Clothes in his shower??? 

[kpurereactions]

Im Yours | Part One

A/N Alrighty, here it is. Part one of the Im Jaebum Mafia series. Im so excited about this and I can't wait to write more. I hope you all love it as much as I do

Pairing: Jaebum x Reader

Rating: Drama, Angst, Smut, Fluff

WARNINGS: Language, Eventual Violence, Lots of Smut Later on

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4 Pt 5 Pt 6 Pt 7 Pt 8 Pt 9 FINALE

He laid atop his blankets, clutching to his sides. The pain ripping through his abdomen was enough to make him feel like he was shot. He'd much rather be shot. Anger was heavy in his chest as he thought about the events from earlier in the day:

He stood at the head of his table, narrowed eyed and heavy handed like he always was as he screamed at the men who sat lazily around him. He had almost finished informing his men of the large shipment of weapons that they were going to have to some how discreetly remove from the now police swarmed dock when the pain in his side started.

He blinked, not wanting to give any sign of weakness in front of the men who itched for the position his father had left for him.

'That will be all. Get out of my house.' He spit as a chorus of 'yes sir's' rang through the room.

He turned quickly when the last one had left to pour him self something, anything to take the pain away but before he could even reach out for a bottle, the glass in his hand fell out as he clutched to his side.

"Fuck!' He yelled. Soon, two of his right hand men were by his side and lifting him up. Jackson supported him, his knees now shaking with the pain while Jinyoung ran his hands over his body, checking just incase someone somehow did something.

'Mr. Im, all your symptoms will disintegrate if you please just listen to me.' Chulsoo, the groups personal and trusted doctor said with pleading eyes.

''He's not saying you have to become a grass eating hippie, for fucks sake.'  Jinyoung barked from the corner of the room where he sat with his arms crossed.

"Shut up." he said, clutching to his still aching side.

"Look, Mr. Im. Theres a family, the head is a close friend of mine and they do personal catering. Here,' He started while reaching into his pocket for his wallet. He pulled a small grey embossed card out and started to hand it to him before deciding against it and handing the card over to Jinyoung. 'Their quiet, they'll come, cook and leave. You need to start taking care of yourself before others or you won't be with us much longer.'

That was all he said before collecting his things and standing to make his way out of the room, Jinyoung following him.

He laid there, eyes still bore as the pain kicked up again, though now it was muted by the pain killers Chulsoo had given him. He scoffed at himself. '22 fucking years old and I'm bed ridden for my eating habits.' he thought to himself, getting even more angry.

'Jaebum, I called them. There will be someone here tomorrow morning.'

"Y/n! We have a house call tomorrow morning. One of Chulsoo's patients who needs a controlled diet. I figured since you finished with the Parks you would like to take on this family." Your dad said, walking into the kitchen to see you already prepping for the family dinner you were about to have in your childhood home.

"Sure, why not." You mumbled, dusting your hands from the chopped onion that had made its way from your knife to your hand.

"Only if you want to though. We can always give it to the company." He said sitting down in front of you, the same time you mom walked into the kitchen.

"No I can do it, I need the money anyways." You said smiling before turning your back to him to dump the onion in the already hot pan.

Dressed and ready the next morning you threw your favorite apron over your shoulder and tucked the knives your dad had gotten you for your last birthday under your arm before locking the door to your apartment and heading down to the first floor of your apartment building. The man you had communicated with after dinner told you they would send a car. You figured it'd be a taxi- Uber at best, but when a large black SUV rolled up your eyebrows rose.

A lanky, but very well dressed man stepped out of the vehicle, his flaming red hair slightly blowing out of place by the sudden wind.

"You must be y/n." He said, his plump lips curving to form a child like grin. You nodded and stepped forward, accepting his help as he took your things from your hands.

"You can call me BamBam." He said holding a hand out for you to enter the car.

"BamBam?" You smirked. "Thats an interesting name, why do they call you that?" You asked, not being able to put a lid on your loud mouth was something you had a problem with.

"You don't want to know." He winked before hooking his seatbelt.

The drive was pretty much quiet. You signed deeply and twiddled your thumbs wishing that you could have a better view of the scenery that was passing by quickly, but due to the dark tint of the windows there was no point in straining your eyes. Every once in a while you'd turn your head to look at BamBam who's goofy smile that greeted you had faded into a stern smolder. You sighed again.

"Were here." BamBam said clicking his seatbelt  before picking up your knives and sliding out of the car. You hadn't even realized you had turned down a long straight driveway that was lined with thick trees. That would have been so pretty to drive through. You thought to yourself, still a little sour about the whole tinted windows thing.

You turned from looking at the driveway to looking at the house. It was very impressive, rich red brick that had a thin blanket of ivy running up one corner. There must have been at least fourteen windows across the top floor which, if every room had two windows, would mean in the front of the house alone there were seven rooms.

"How many am I cooking for anyways?" You said. You clearly heard your father say ONE of Chulsoo's patients.

"There are seven of us in the house. Were all big boys though we can make our own food. You're only responsible for cooking for one of us." BamBam said as he led you through the front doors that the driver had opened for you.

The house was bright and homey inside with a modern twist. It was almost like walking into a museum the way art hugged every wall and statues were nestled in every corner. You couldn't help but admire the open floor of the foyer. On either side of the large room was a stair case that met in the middle, and standing at the very top was a man.

His gaze on you made a chill run up your spine, but you couldn't look away. His head was tilted slightly to the side as he watched you, his hair that had a slight wave to it parted in the middle to create a heart shape around his sharp features. His plump red lips were where your eyes stopped though, the way they twitched slightly in attempt to smile made you shift your weight. He bowed slightly after the few seconds that felt like hours passed, just as BamBam called your name.

"This way, lets go." He said pulling his head to one side, indicating you to follow him through the hallway that formed under the staircase.

You're eyes widened at the kitchen. Having cooked your entire life and with the few years of being able to call yourself a professional chef under your belt you had been in a lot of kitchens, a lot of really nice kitchens. But this one... This one was different. You hardly had time to take in the large granite island that formed in the center of the kitchen before BamBam was demanding your attention again.

"So, what were you thinking for breakfast?" He said just as another man walked in.

"He requested an omelette." He said sternly causing BamBam to press his lips together, trying to stifle a laugh. The new man seemed less than impressed with BamBams efforts. You watched him as he took a deep long breath.

"Everything you need is in the fridge and or cupboards. BamBam will stay here with you for most of the day until you have a hang of where everything is. One of the others will bring you meal orders as the time come and goes." He said before bowing slightly and turning to walk back out of the room.

"What's up his ass?" You said reaching for the fridge. BamBam snorted slightly causing you to smile while placing four eggs on the counter.

"So are you all brothers in here?" You asked after thanking him for pointing out the cabinet the pans were in

"Basically." He said resting his chin on his fists.

"Basically? So your not?" You stated turning back to the fridge where you unloaded spring onions, pancetta and a sharp cheddar for the omelette.

"Basically." He said again.

"So is this just like a fraternity house where you all walk around in suits all day?" You asks raising one eyebrow as you began to dice the onions.

"That's one way to put it." He said.

You sighed at the fact the conversation wasn't going anywhere and quickly cracked the eggs into a bowl, scrambled them, added a touch of milk and poured it into the hot pan. It didn't take long for the kitchen to fill with the smell of melting cheese and hot pancetta, the combination of meat and cheese, as BamBam informed you, was already making his mouth water.

"I can make you one too, might as well since your stuck in here with me all day." You smiled flipping the omelette once more before plating it.

"Um yes?" BamBam asked sitting up straighter as he watched you garnish the plate with sliced oranges.

Picking up the plate you walked it around the large island but before you were able to reach BamBam two boys walked in, stepping in your way.

"What is that!" The shorter one said pointing to the plate.

"Bosses breakfast." BamBam said meeting you and taking the plate. "Outta here." He said moving his head to the door.

"I want an omelet!" The taller said holding a hand out to you. BamBam looked back to you and watched you shrug. He whispered something for just them to hear before saying he'd be right back. You watched the two take a seat behind the island where BamBam once was and you nodded turning back to the fridge to pull out 12 eggs this time. The feeling of the two unnamed boys watching you chop made you a little uncomfortable, but thankfully BamBam returned quickly.

"That one better be for me." BamBam said coming around to sit on the counter behind you, his long legs hanging off haphazardly. You nodded and smiled at him as you added the extras.

"No! I'm so hungry I haven't been able to eat anything since yesterday!" The shorter one raised his voice.

"Hyung! She offered it to me first so shut it!" BamBam said, the same goofy grin meeting his lips.

They spent so much energy fighting over who was going to get the first omelette they didn't even notice you plate the cooked egg, cut another orange up and place it I front of the quiet tall one.

"Ah! Thank you so much." He said giving you a toothy grin.

"Thank you for behaving in my kitchen." You smiled.

"Y/n, really!?" BamBam said pouting.

"Now I'm never gonna eat." The other said.

"Let me show you a secret." You said bending back over to the cabinet the pans were in. You pulled out another small pan and placed it on the burner.

"Problem solved!" The shorter one said with a smile.

"Just make sure to give me mine before Jackson’s." BamBam said causing Jackson to groan.

"So we have BamBam, Jackson, Mr. Stick up his ass... what's your name?" You asked the taller one as he piled another bite into his mouth. He looked wide eyed at Jackson before looking at BamBam.

"She met Jinyoung." He said laughing. Jackson joined him. But the taller one just raised his eyebrows and turned back to his omelet.

"I'm Yugyeom." He said with another sweet smile. "And this is incredible." He said pointing at the half gone omelette.

By the time you plated BamBam and Jacksons breakfast and made sure BamBam had his in his hands before Jackson two more boys had entered the kitchen. Introducing themselves as Mark and Youngjae they placed a dirty plate on the counter before eyeing everyone else eating as well.

"Boss wanted us to tell you that he enjoyed the breakfast." Mark said.

"Would you two also like an omelette?" You asked with a chuckle. With how quickly their eyes snapped towards you, you took that as a yes and went to work.

"How about stick up-" you paused when BamBam gave you a wide eyed look. "I mean Jinyoung? Would he like one?"

"If he's not in here probably not." Yugyeom said sitting back in his chair.

Lunch was just just the same, as soon as you plated the seasoned chicken over a strawberry spinach salad and BamBam left to deliver the food, everyone else flooded into the kitchen.

The only difference with dinner was this time Jinyoung joined them. You wouldn't be able to help yourself, every time he spoke you'd look at BamBam who'd give you a side eye and the two of you tried to fight off a laugh, usually by busying yourself with cleaning something up.

"Boss really liked your food. He wouldn't admit it cause he's proud but he was definitely looking forward to his next meal." BamBam said in the now empty kitchen, he had offered to help you wash things and now was sheething your knifes.

"Will I ever meet this Mr. Boss person?" You asked, thinking back to the man on the stairs and wondering if that was him.

"Hes a really privet person. It doesn't help that he'd nose deep in work 24/7" He said handing you your bundle of knives just as his name was called.

"Get her home. We have a.. a meeting." Mark said sternly before bowing at you slightly and smoothing his suit as he walked away.

The car ride home was a little bit more fun as you and BamBam spit balled ideas for meals the following day. It seemed like every other idea he sent your way either involved lots of sugar or lots of bloody meat.

"BamBam Im supposed to be keeping the boss man healthy." You said making him chuckle again.

"He seemed to already be feeling better by the end of the day." He said scratching his arm.

"Then Im doing my job," You started smiling. Just then the car pulled up to the curb infant of your apartment and you started to collect your things. "See you tomorrow?"

"Bright and early. Goodnight y/n."

[iheartgod175]

For Love and Glory - Part 1: Ordinary Morning

A/N: The first part of my Touché Turtle and Dum-Dum fic is here! 

....Well, I should say that this is more like “Act 1, Scene 1″ of the story. The chapter itself is over 8,000 words, so I’m trying to split it up into readable posts. I would also greatly appreciate it if you’d read it on FF.Net as well, and review it.

Like/reblog if you enjoy it!

Disclaimer:  This is pretty much standard by now. Except for several more OCs, I own none of the characters involved. Warner Bros. made that very clear -_-

Touché Turtle's castle, somewhere in the French countryside...

Dum-Dum opened the windows and was treated to the sight of the sky decorated with various hues of blues and golds, and the sun casting a purplish light on the fog banks in the hills.

He sighed at the marvelous sight before him. "Boy, one advantage of livin' in a castle is bein' able to see sunrises like this," he murmured. "Bet Touché enjoyed these sorts of things when he got this castle."

The lavishly decorated stone keep, with its imposing height, was just one of many symbols to show off Touché's status as a renowned, respected hero. Large camouflage banners displaying the turtle's coat of arms hung in the hallway, the many rooms were set with expensive, antique furniture, and in one room, there was a wall decorated with nearly one hundred medals from Touché's previous exploits, a few of which were military honors.

Dum-Dum remembered the time Touché had unveiled his castle to the public. Everyone in the village below had come. It had only lasted a week, though, as one person had made off with a weapon that had been a prize in battle from one of his opponents.

And then, there was the time when Dum-Dum had knocked down the medal collection…

Time…

The word running through his head, Dum-Dum quickly turned to face the grandfather clock in the hallway, which showed that it was seven in the morning. His eyes widened in shock. "Seven?! Aw, no, Touché's gonna oversleep at this rate!" he remarked. "I'd better wake 'im up!" He quickly made his way up the stairs, picking up his bugle that sat by the wall. Touché was more energetic than most turtles, but he was a heavy sleeper; Dum-Dum had learned the hard way that if left alone he'd sleep all day. "Luckily, I've got a way to wake him up."

He opened the large oak door to Touché's room. Compared to the rest of the castle, it was sparsely decorated, with a small drawer, a nightstand, a large portrait of himself above the nightstand, and a few small pictures. It didn't take him long to find Touché curled up in his shell, right in the middle of the bed and on top of his pillow as always.

Dum-Dum looked at his horn and shrugged. "Eh, one long blast should do it." He put the horn to Touché's shell, took a deep breath and blew, long and loud.

The ensuing blast sent birds from the hills below squawking into the air-as well as Touché flying out of bed and hitting the wall. He quickly emerged from his shell, brown eyes the size of tacks. "Huh-wh-what?!" he stammered.

"Heh, g'mornin', Touché!" Dum-Dum greeted happily, smiling brightly. "Ya almost overslept again, so I had to wake you up."

Touché shook his head to regain his bearings and looked up at Dum-Dum. "Dum-Dum, how many times have I told you to never wake me up like that?" he started. "I have an alarm clock!"

"You slept right through it yesterday," Dum-Dum pointed out.

"Oh, never mind," Touché replied, shaking his head again. He got up from the floor and picked up his pillow. "Well, thanks for the wake-up call, Dum-Dum."

Dum-Dum nodded. "No prob, Touche!" he replied. A thought then came to his head and he slammed a fist into his paw. "Aw, shucks, I almost forgot! I was up this long an' didn't make any breakfast! I-I'll go ahead an' start it right away!"

Touché, who was putting on his hat, turned to look at him. "You don't have to do that, Dum-"

"I want to, Touché!" Dum-Dum interrupted, giving him a bright, eager smile. "After all, heroes gotta eat, an' since you're the greatest hero of all time, you've gotta eat a lot."

Touché didn't have an answer for that, namely because he felt elevated by Dum-Dum's words. "Why, thank you, Dum-Dum," he answered. "I don't say that myself…but I'm glad you did."

The sheepdog's smile widened, if it were possible. "I'll get right on breakfast, Boss!" he said, and before Touché could stop him, he was off and down the stairs—and quickly tumbled down to the bottom due to taking the stairs three at a time. There was a loud crash of metal on stone as he hit the floor.

"Are you alright, Dum-Dum?"

"Ugh…y-yeah…sorry 'bout that, Touche," came the sheepdog's reply.

Touché sighed to himself. Having a roommate like Dum-Dum around was hazardous sometimes, but in all honesty, he didn't regret having him around in the slightest.

"…I think I knocked down one of your suits of armor, Touché…"

"Which one, Dum-Dum?" Touché answered, making his way down.

"Uh…this gold an' brown one. I-It's already dented anyway but-"

That got Touché's attention. He took off running down the stairs, running as fast as he could, and saw Dum-Dum standing there, holding the helmet from one of the suits he'd had.

"Watch what you're doing, Dum-Dum!" He snatched the helmet from Dum-Dum and turned to examine the rest of the armor. Thankfully, it was just a few pieces, but…He groaned as he put the pieces back together. "This suit is one of my most important treasures! You have to be careful around these things!"

Dum-Dum scratched his head sheepishly. "Sorry, Touché. I didn't mean to," he said. "I-I was tryin' to make sure I didn't hit my face against the floor again so I turned over an'-" He sighed. "Sorry, Boss."

Touché sighed as he put the last piece of armor on. It wasn't Dum-Dum's fault entirely, but even after living in the castle this long, he should at least be careful. "All's forgiven, Dum-Dum," he said. He turned to face the sheepdog. "Sorry I yelled at you like that. But this suit of armor is an important treasure of mine. I don't want it damaged any more than it already is."

Dum-Dum cocked his head to the side. "Say, uh…why do ya keep a damaged suit of armor anyway, Touche?" he asked. "I mean, it's all spiffy an' everything, but…didn't you want it fixed before displayin' it?"

Touché wanted to kick himself right then. He'd already said a little too much, and now his friend was curious. It wasn't that he didn't trust Dum-Dum—but the past behind this suit of armor was rather sensitive, especially for him.

He was spared from having to say anything when his shell started ringing. "Hmm, early for a job. Excuse me, Dum-Dum," he said, his tone easier, and ducked into his shell to answer his phone. "Touché Turtle speaking. Have shell, will travel."

"Touché! Thank God you answered! We need you to come down here right away!" a man shouted on the other end.

"Why, what seems to be the trouble?"

"Oh, it's just awful, Touché. Just awful! The village below…several people's homes were burglarized, and some of their homes have been burned to the ground!" the man continued. "Even worse, nobody was able to get a good look at the person responsible!"

"That's terrible! I'll get on it right away!" Reappearing out of his shell, Touché turned to his sidekick. "Dum-Dum!"

"Er, yeah, Touché?" Dum-Dum said, jumping to attention.

"You'll have to put breakfast on the backburner. We've got a job!" Touché replied, walking down the hall to pick up his famous weapon: an épée with a bent tip at the end.

"Eh, what seems to be the trouble, Touché?" Dum-Dum asked, following him.

"It's a lot of trouble, Dum-Dum. Some fiend not only robbed the villagers, but he's also burned their homes!" Touché reported.

"Who's responsible?"

"I don't know, but they're not going to get away with this," Touché said, his narrowed eyes filled with steely resolve. "The sooner we stop this fiend, the better. Now, let's get a move on!" Raising his épée into the air, he let out his famous war cry.

"TOUCHÉ, AND AWAY!" With that, he charged through the door, only to get stuck in it with his sword.

"Yeah, uh, Touché and away!" Dum-Dum shouted, doing the same-only to crash right into Touché with enough force to shake the castle and rattle both of their bones.

"…Uh, I think we shoulda opened the door..."

"Brilliant idea, Dum-Dum."

To be continued in part 2...

[soons-swimmingfool]

The Rose to my Romeo

In which you’re just trying to write a paper but it seems like destiny has other plans.

Libraries were one of your favourite places, they were quiet and soft; usually you’d love to be at the library, but not today. Today, you’re at the library to work on a paper you swore you’d start five days ago. The blank page in front of you has been staring at you for over an hour already and you’re at the point of snapping your entire laptop in half (and probably the chair you were sitting on too). It wasn’t like you didn’t know what you needed to write, you knew everything already, but finding the words to start the paper was always something you struggled with. You’d erased seven different introductory sentences because they just didn’t feel right. Your group chats kept saying that every sentence you sent to them was already really good, but that wasn’t exactly helpful. Slowly your mind begins to wander to less frustrating topics, but you quickly snap yourself back. You had suffered through three lectures today and it was already nearing six in the evening, all you wanted to do was get some words (that weren’t complete shit) on the paper and leave. You bob your head to smooth beats and type out the fourth sentence you had written. It wasn’t the greatest, but it was the best out of what you had come up with and you decide that you can always change it once the body of your paper had been completed. Somewhere along the line of bobbing and typing you start to slouch, pushing your laptop farther from you, you rest your head on the desk. A paragraph goes by like this before you drift off to sleep.

You blink twice and groan when you realize you fell asleep at the library. It’s 8:28pm and you only have three hundred words on the page. You sigh, but ultimately decide to work for at least an hour more so that you don’t feel like complete garbage for falling asleep. You go to start typing but feel a small tug on your pinky finger. Looking down, you see a red string tied around your finger and for a second you think you’re still sleeping. You look around and see a group of girls looking at you and the string while giggling. You figure you’re probably not dreaming, but then who the fuck thought it would be funny to tie you to a string that seemed to be going nowhere considering the twisty route it mapped out. You look around the rest of the library and see red string littered over what’s more or less the entire third floor. You shake your head, you’re about to get back to work, but you hear the girls disappointedly whisper about you not following after the string  so you save what little progress you’ve made and pack up all of your things (honestly the curiosity is killing you anyways). You wonder about just who in the heck did this and why. To be perfectly honest, you find this kind of fun, that is until you make your way over to the table of girls who were giggling earlier. You walk up to them without really paying attention to where you’re going so when a backpack and pair of sneakers enter the corner of your vision you look up at the three girls who are still giggling. Horrified, you follow the string with your eyes and confirm that the string runs under the table. Fuck that, you think, I’m taking this shit off. You go to remove the string from your pinky, but the person who tied this must have been a boy scout (or just kinky tbh) bc damn you and your double knot. The girls have given up on trying to be discreet and just out right laugh when you can’t get the string off. They all pick up their bags and move their chairs so you can crawl under their table. They wish you good luck after you get back up off the floor and you curse the person who did this to you in your head. Unfortunately for you (and fortunately for the girls) that wasn’t the only table you had to crawl under, seven tables later you start to pray that whoever is at the end of this string has life insurance bc bitch what the fuc k im gonna kick your ass hoe. You end up circling one bookshelf over 12 times and you’re  t i r e d  but you’ve already made such a fool of yourself that what else could go wrong.  The string is starting to get long so you take a break so that you can start winding it up around your arm (and totally not because you’re winded from walking around the library). Back into action, you follow the string all the way to a door. I’m almost done, you think. You’re about to kick down the door and storm in to find the bitch who did this to you, but before you can you look up and realize something utterly infuriating. THE. DOOR. SAYS. MENS. You hate them. You haven’t even met them. But you hate them. A lot. wHO THE FUCK DOES THIS AND THEN HIDES IN THE MENS BATHROOM BITCH???? You get so heated, even if I have to stay here the entire night im not moving until this bITCH comes out of there! You take a seat at the table nearest the door and it only takes 2 minutes for you to realize that you look like a whole fool. In those 2 minutes, one person has entered the bathroom and many have passed by your table. They all give you the same what the fu k are you doing??? look. You can’t really blame them though, you admittedly do look pretty crazy sitting down with a red string attaching you to something in the men’s lavatory. You sit there for another 40 seconds and it’s at that moment that you realize that the person who did this may not even be inside the bathroom! They may have just tied you to the sink (you really hope that it’s the sink) and left. Fuck this and them you think while you rummage through your bag for something to cut the damn string off your pinky. As you’re digging through however, you feel a tug on your pinky and whip around to see sHIT CUTE BOY HOLY SHIT HE’S CUTE (smh so much for killing him)!!!  You see that he’s also connected to the string by his own pinky.

“Are you the one who did all this?” You ask with narrow eyes.

Without answering your question, he looks between both of your pinky fingers and asks, “Have you ever heard of the red string of fate?”

That was so lame it was charming you think, but aloud you say, “No, why don’t you tell me about it?”

Without missing a beat he takes the seat in front of you and goes “Long story short: you and I are soulmates.”

It’s been a pretty long time since you’ve laughed that hard.

“I don’t even know your name and you’re calling me your soulmate?” You continue to laugh at him as he gives you the stink eye (which may or may not make your heart flutter a little bit).

“What’s the thing Romeo said? If Juliet was named Rose he’d still like her? Names don’t matter in the game of love.” He draws out the word love and accentuates it with a raised eyebrow.

You snort at him, “Romeo said that “a rose by any other name would smell as sweet”. I can’t believe you.” You start to laugh outright now, “Why would Romeo say he’d still like Juliet if she was named Rose?”

“Because he’s a romantic guy! Like me! They were soulmates and so are we!” the unknown boy is practically bouncing in glee right now.

You look at him , “Uhm, hello, tHEY DIED?!”

“Good point. Who else can we be then?” he starts pondering the options in his head and over his shoulder you see the three girls walking towards the stairs. You hear them squeal and they give you thumbs up before turning and all but tumbling down the stairs. You turn red in response. The boy in front of you shouts out in triumph “I know who we can be!”

You wait for him to tell you, but it seems like he’s waiting for you to ask so you do, “Who can we be?”

“Well for starters, you could be my girlfriend.” He snickers at the flush on your face and is obnoxious enough to wink at you as well.

“I’d ask who you think you are, but I know you’d either say “your boyfriend!” or “your soulmate” so I’ll just tell you this: if you weren’t so damn cute you’d be pretty fucking creepy.”

“You think I’m cute?” He smirks at you.

“I mean if we’re gonna be soulmates then you better hope so, buddy”

He grins at you and for a second your world kinda just falters and you catch yourself thinking woah wtf maybe we are soulmates. He gives you a soft look and before you know it he has your hand in his. “Here, I’ll take this off for you, my friends told me you were having a hard time.”

“Your friends?” You can feel your face heating up again, his hand is strong yet gentle and it makes you feel things.

“Those girls. They were giving me progress reports. I have a video if you’d like to watch!” He’s struggling with the knot and for a second you worry that he really got both of you stuck and you’re going to have to cut off your pinky, but then you see him try and stifle a laugh and you realize that he’s faking so he can hold your hand.

“You have a video?! Great, 15 minutes of me crawling under tables and looking like a complete idiot.”

“Actually, it’s 13:57 but—” He looks up and smiles at you (holy shit) he unties your pinky completely and gets to work on his.

“I can’t believe you.”

“Can’t believe that I went through all this trouble to ask you out or that I’m your boyfriend?”

“I still don’t even know your name—aND WHERE DID YOU GET ALL THIS STRING?!!”

He laughs softly, “I’m Woojin, and I may or may not have ran to the nearest dollar store after the idea popped into my head.”

It’s your turn to laugh as you respond “You’re more of an ‘act before you speak’ type of guy aren’t ya? I’m Ashley by the way, and please do not say you’ll still like me even if I was named Rose.”

“You see, now this is how I know we’re soulmates, I was actually going to say that.” You roll your eyes at him as he continues, “Your name is Ashley? I think there’s a name that suits you better than Ashley.”

“I swear if you say Rose…”

“Nope.”

“Your girlfriend?”

“No, but I like that too.” He smirks.

“Your soulmate?”

“Good guesses, but still wrong.”

“I give up, what is it?”

“Babe.”

“I hate you.” You get up to leave (honestly it’s to hide the flush) but Woojin grabs you by the arm first.

“No you don’t! We’re soulmates, Ashley!” He turns the two of you around and you feel the table behind you. “Tell me how you really feel, Ash.” He places both hands on the table behind you and leans on them. You look around because tHIS IS A PUBLIC SPACE PLEASE BACK UP!!! But you realize that there aren’t many people at the library at 9:30 on a friday night.

“Fine!” You take a breath and look him in the face “You’re stupid” He looks appalled and you laugh more from the mix of nerves and the face he’s making, “but I like you.”

“That was terribly cute, would it be okay if I kissed you, like,  right now?” He, quite frankly, looks enchanted.

You guffaw at him, but nod anyways. You wrap your arms around his neck and when he leans down and your lips meet you can almost taste the fate.

Part 1/? of the (Fake)Soulmates!au 

[lincoln-cannon]

A decade ago, Blake Ostler called me insane for believing in the Simulation Hypothesis. Today, a friend brought to my attention that Blake recently doubled-down on that characterization, in an episode of an Exploring Mormon Thought podcast, asserting that people like me "have serious problems in assessing reality." My response? Guilty as charged. I do have serious problems in assessing reality. Reality is, in so many ways, a mystery -- a sometimes wonderful, sometimes horrible, and sometimes tedious mystery. That's the brief version. But of course I have more to say. Blake is a Mormon philosopher who has written extensively about Mormon theology. He seems to have significant influence among a segment of scholarly members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. From what little interaction I've had with him, it seems to me that he has a tendency to speak with excessive confidence about matters in which he's not well educated. Maybe that over-confidence reflects a well-earned confidence in other areas. Others would be better judges of that. In any case, his familiarity with Transhumanism is poor. Maybe this post will help a little. In the podcast, Blake discusses epistemology. I haven't listened to the whole interview. My friend told me that the relevant part begins at the seven minute mark. So, trusting him, I began listening there. And, there, Blake says: "It's the matrix or brain in the vat problem. So you have these experiences, that your experience would be identical in all respects, even if you were just a brain in a vat, having the sense experiences fed into it, or if you're in the Matrix where your body and all the sense experience is just given to you through a computer simulation." Blake's characterization of the Simulation Hypothesis is a straw man fabricated from implicit appeals to negative emotions. The "brain in a vat" is a popular characterization that tends either to marginalize the Simulation Hypothesis as merely silly, or even to generate a sense of disgust. The "Matrix" characterization tends to associate the Simulation Hypothesis with a sense of oppression. Both characterizations anchor Blake's listeners, from the beginning, to negative emotions. And both are straw men, operating on the assumption that experience in a computed world must be ontologically inferior to experience in a non-computed world. As a philosopher, Blake should know better than to begin a criticism with a straw man. And I trust he does. So, as mentioned previously, I think this reflects a lack of familiarity with the Simulation Hypothesis. There are far better characterizations of the Simulation Hypothesis. To begin with, check out Oxford philosopher Nick Bostrom's paper, "Are You Living in a Computer Simulation?" from Philosophical Quarterly. I admire Nick's work. But, for our purposes here, it too has a shortcoming, revealed even in the title of his paper. "Simulation" tends to connote an inferior ontological status: most of us understand a simulation to be less real than that which it simulates. But, despite its name, there's nothing in the Simulation Hypothesis that requires such a position. Nothing requires us to assume that our world must be less real than a world after which our world may be modeled. For example, you probably consider me to be just as real as my parents, although I'm modeled after them. So, if you want to avoid a straw man criticism of the Simulation Hypothesis, you will need to discard the unnecessary assumption that it's proposing a world of inferior ontological status. To help with that, I developed the Creation Hypothesis as part of the Creation Argument in the New God Argument. As it turns out, the Simulation Argument does not depend on any particular creative mechanism. Historically, most articulations of the argument, such as Nick's paper, have referenced computation as the creative mechanism. But any other creative mechanism that we might deem feasible for emulating our evolutionary history, such as terraforming or cosmoforming, would work within the structure of the argument just as well. So the Creation Hypothesis generalizes across all feasible creative mechanisms, computation and otherwise. It doesn't change the logic of the argument, but it may, for people like Blake, change the emotions that they attach with the logic. I assume that Blake, like most Mormons, trusts that we live in a created world, whether or not he thinks computation would be a feasible mechanism for that creation. After Blake's straw man introduction to the Simulation Argument, the interviewer comments, "Okay, but as you pointed out elsewhere, no one probably really believes they're in the Matrix. And if they do, they're generally considered a little unstable psychologically." A little psychologically unstable, you say? What does that bring to mind? Blake responds, "Well, I since learned there actually is a Mormon by the name of Lincoln Cannon who is allied with the Transhumanist Mormons, who actually does believe in such a thing. It's called the Simulation Theory." There really are psychologically unstable people. See. Look at Lincoln Cannon! Ha. Well, as a teenager exploring my own epistemological limits, I actually confronted that possibility seriously decades ago. I was evaluating and re-evaluating what I knew, what I thought I knew, and how I thought I knew it. And it led me to the realization that I can't disprove to myself, let alone to others, that I'm insane. So I'll let you judge Blake's assessment for yourself. But beware. If you judge me insane, and if you prove capable of applying the reasons for your judgment consistently -- beyond me to others and, most dangerously, to yourself -- you may find yourself in a dark and cold place that's hard to escape. That was my experience, at least. It was hard, emotionally and socially, to lose the epistemic confidence of my childhood. The interviewer responds, "Oh. I've heard of that. Yeah." And Blake continues, "Yeah. And what he believes is that all of life is merely a simulation, and we're having these experiences fed to us." Blake is wrong. I don't believe that life is merely a simulation. I believe that our world is a computation. But there's not much "merely" involved. There's not much "mere" about my experience of the world, let alone the life I observe in it. To the contrary, it is sometimes sublime. It must be. It is, by definition, the sum total of my experience. And that's the only source I have for judging whether something is sublime or mundane. Surely parts of the experience are mundane, by the same reasoning. But it cannot be merely mundane on the whole. It cannot be merely anything. It is everything, both mundane and sublime. Even my imagination is constrained to some combination of projections and negations of my experience: some combination of projections and negations of the world. So, no, I don't believe that life is merely a simulation. Are we having experiences fed to us? Well, yes, I trust that's true to some extent. Otherwise, we'd have to embrace solipsism. And despite Blake's rhetoric, I doubt he would disagree with the assumption that the world is feeding experiences to us. That's implicit to the assumption that there's a world beyond my own mind. And, yes, external reality is an assumption. Like insanity, it's not something that we can refute logically. The best we can do, it seems, is something along the lines of induction, which science formalizes and engineering applies. We can test our experience in multiple ways, looking for patterns, and gaining trust that those patterns will hold out through time and space. We never prove that in any final way. But our confidence tends to increase. Blake explains, "The objection works both ways. How could you ever substantiate such a claim (laughter), because there's no possible empirical evidence that could possibly work or any kind of sense experience that could possibly work to disprove it. In my view, it's a meaningless hypothesis because there's no way you could come up with that either proves or disproves it. You're just asserting it." How could you substantiate the claim that we're living in a computed world? As it turns out, that may be easier than substantiating the claim that we're NOT living in a computed world. So, contrary to Blake, the objection may not work quite the same both ways, depending on how we define "computed." If we define "computed" in various narrow senses, we can formulate falsifiable hypotheses about physical observations within the world that must be true if we're living in that kind of computed world. Some scientists are actually trying to do that. And some have already persuasively demonstrated that our world cannot be a computation according to some narrow definitions of "computed." Other narrow definitions of "computed" remain open questions, and that's likely to be the case for a long time. If we define "computed" broadly, we cannot directly formulate falsifiable hypotheses. So we cannot directly falsify the general idea. This is where the imbalance of objection may present itself. If we end up finding just one definition of "computed" for which we can formulate falsifiable hypotheses that repeatedly resist falsification, we would relatively quickly increase confidence in the general idea. Whereas, much more work across much more time is likely to be required in the opposite direction. Blake continues, "But I think that if you actually believe that you're just a brain in a vat, or your mind's in the Matrix while your body lies somewhere generating heat, that you've got serious problems in assessing reality." As mentioned previously, although I reject Blake's straw man characterizations, I plead guilty to his charge, in the general sense, that I have serious problems assessing reality. It really is hard -- seriously hard. So hard, in fact, that I think Blake should plead guilty too. He may be even more guilty than I am. After all, he's claiming that there's no way to disprove the Simulation Hypothesis, while he charges me with insanity for believing it. Consider that. He says I'm crazy for believing something that he thinks cannot be disproved. That actually sounds crazy to me. But, again, you be the judge. Blake then tries to explain, saying, "That's my response because nobody really believes that, because we assess our knowledge, at least the knowledge delivered to us through our senses. You know the difference between conscious experience and like a dream state or unconscious experience. And that is: we use all of our background information to assess and we can distinguish between these kind of states and do it rather easily by the way. And so we're totally aware of the, I'm going to call it the [something], of conscious experience opposed to simulated experience and our own experience." I'm not sure that I fully understand his intent, but it seems like he's saying that we just intuitively know, based on accumulated experience, that we're not living in a computed world. If so, there are problems with such a position. My memories may be giving me a false sense of accumulated experience. Perhaps I've mis-remembered some experiences and wholly fabricated others (there's good scientific evidence that these both happen frequently). At the extreme, perhaps an evil demon conjured pervasively false memories into my brain just now. So I reach out to others, who I assume are not just figments of my imagination, seeking confirmation of my experiences. And thereby I may increase my confidence, at least for a time, in whatever may be the common sense of the day. But history, if it can be trusted, shows us that common sense changes over time and uncommon sense sometimes becomes common sense. The Earth no longer appears quite so flat, and the stars no longer appear quite so fixed. Don't misunderstand me. I value our shared sense of accumulated experience. That's science, and I'm a big fan. But it's not static or final. It's changing. And I don't suppose it will ever stop changing. Blake asserts, "Dreams are simulated. The experience that we have is not." The interviewer responds, "Well, when you're in a dream, you can't really. You don't really know you're in a dream, generally." And Blake responds, "Well, but when you wake up, you're aware that you were in a dream." The interviewer continues, "What if you die, and then you happen to wake up then? You're, like, 'Oh, it was all a dream.'" Exactly. That's exactly right. When we wake up, literally or metaphorically, we tend to change our ontological assessments. Our brains are constantly constructing models of the world. They add in biases, which is probably generally a good thing. And they subtract staggering amounts of information that never enters our conscious experience. And we're left with something around which to wrap our attention. Gradually or suddenly, the inputs change. Perhaps our eyes open. Our brains begin to give us a new model, with some echoes of the old, and we compare them. We might judge one to be ontologically superior to the other. But, here, I think is the truth: both are real. The dreaming experience is real. The waking experience is real. Both are real aspects of the real world of our real experience. And that is just as true whether or not computation proves to be a good explanation for the nature of the world in which we're now living, whether we're awake or dreaming. "But there's no way to talk sensibly about it because it's an empty meaningless hypothesis," says Blake. And the interviewer confirms, "It just isn't helpful, really, in any way." They're both wrong. The Simulation Hypothesis is meaningful and helpful to me and many other persons. How so? Well, it's so in the same way that anything is meaningful and helpful: in its practical value from day to day. What practical difference does it make, one way or another, to believe, disbelieve, or remain ambivalent? Depending on the person, answers will differ. For me, the Simulation Hypothesis changed the way I live from day to day. I had lost my faith in God. The Simulation Hypothesis led me to a pattern of thought that eventually restored my faith in God. And that restoration has substantially influenced important decisions in my life since that time. As just one example that I think Blake might appreciate, without the influence of the Simulation Hypothesis, I may not have remained a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Some would say that I make the world worse by remaining a member of the Church. At least members of the Church would generally say that I'm better for it. In either case, it seems like a rather large stretch to claim that it makes no practical difference. So, is the Simulation Hypothesis empty, meaningless, and not helpful in any way? Not for me, and I'm not alone. There are many religious Transhumanists who, like me, have found it and the generalized Creation Argument to be faith affirming. And we've found it to be faith affirming in a particularly useful way. It doesn't affirm the kind of faith that leads to escapism or nihilism. It doesn't affirm faith in anything supernatural that would negate or marginalize the relative value of the world and bodies that we actually experience. Rather, it's a faith that arises from an embrace of natural mechanisms and their extensions as potential means for explaining and enacting the wonders that religion has attributed to God for millennia. Not only does it inspire us with a sense of purpose, but it also provokes us to constructive action in this world. The God of the Creation Argument is a natural God who became God by natural means, suggesting how we might do the same. So I can, with the perfect confidence that arises from extensive personal experience and broad familiarity with others' accounts of similar experience, assert that Blake is wrong about the general value of the Simulation Hypothesis. If he cares about being right on this subject, he should spend more time talking to and learning from religious Transhumanists, and less time telling others that we're insane. Originally published at lincoln.metacannon.net on February 05, 2019 at 01:13PM.

[thevagabondlog]

Ive been staring at this blank page for an hour now. I haven’t written a shred of anything in close to a year, but I feel like the current set of circumstances right now dictate it. Hermes guides me. I haven’t even written a draft by hand like I normally do, Im just letting this come out and it feels great.

The last two, maybe even three years of my strange trip on this planet have been such a surreal high paced blur. Ive come to realize that I do too much in too short a time, too many places visited, people met, things done in the dead of night and the overwhelming heat of the day. A few strings busted, a few hearts broken. Nothing out of the ordinary except the fact that my address is still changing every month and I’m still getting lost daily, both in reality and in my mind. Not that I’d change it for the world. I don’t even know who exactly reads this garbage but if you still are, know this is going to be a long one. Ive got a lot on my mind, time is on my side and there’s nowhere I need to be.

Everyday in the Caribbean is incredibly hot and sticky. Every night is mysterious and romantic.

Writing this is simultaneously difficult and surprisingly easy. Its difficult to explain whats been shredding through my head the last few months or however bloody long. Since I last attempted to write, if you can call it that, Ive since been through a serious and drama filled breakup with my long term girlfriend back home, been to seven countries including South Africa ( more on that later ), morphed back into the older Joshua Palmer and basically been running a permanent anarchic riot around the world. As I write now, its once again a hot day in the Bahamas and my head is still swirling with Ricardo Black Rum from the previous night. Special Edition, of course.

Church of the Open Sky.

April 5 - April 26, three weeks back in the motherland after more than a year and a half overseas. A lot of expectations held, almost none of them met. Im not quite sure why, but looking back now in June I realize i didn’t enjoy my stay there at all. Highlights include seeing my parents again (they wept) and one or two close friends who I’m not even sure are still friends at this stage. I came to realize I hate most of the people that fill up my tiny coastal hometown, largely due to the fact that they’re all hypocritical judgmental small minded people who have never been anywhere farther than the gas station in the next town. Keep in mind that these are the same people that said I’d never amount to anything and Id be back home after a month of failed traveling searching for a job running a yacht. Choke on your words. Anyhow, I also got told numerous times that I’d changed completely, becoming much more ‘arrogant’, ‘rude’, ‘insensitive’ etc to the people around me. I suppose in a way I was, but then everyone back in that place is easily offended and so narrow minded it makes me want to shoot myself. I suppose Im much happier over here, on my own and fending for myself, in foreign countries where I don’t know anyone, and all I know is where North-East is. The entire time I was back there, I couldn’t wait to come back to the West Indies. It feels good getting these thoughts down, they’ve been bouncing around my head for too long now.

I was dancing with some girl in a club a month or two ago and in-between reggaetron and soca she asked me a question no one has ever asked before: “Where do you consider home?” I really don’t know. Definitely not back in my hometown, I don’t plan on setting foot in that place for another twenty years at least. Its not on the boat either, nor on any of the islands. Id have to say home is wherever I feel alive the most. Which just so happens to be fifteen feet underwater looking up.

May 4 - Twentieth birthday in Georgetown, Exumas, Bahamas. Largely uneventful, frankly boring and unsatisfying. Mind you I was working at the time so of course the celebrations were minimal to non existent.

January 2017 - Current.

Adopted really strange sleeping patterns similar to a Russian insomniac writer fighting his bouts of suicidal depression with vodka and pharmaceuticals. I don’t know what this stems from other than my erratic lifestyle of mainly working onboard the entire day and still getting drunk at local bars into the early hours of every new day.

Right now its summer and every heat wave day is longer than the last.

I have lost interest in a lot of people who I once thought important. I do not know if this is selfish on my part or all just part of moving around constantly, or just one of those things you deal with as you get older. I have been told numerous times that I’m not going to make it past thirty, and for some reason or other I’m embracing the thought. Go out in a strange and mysterious accident of sorts somewhere out at sea, that place that once gave birth to me. Ill let you know.

For the past few weeks I have also had these increasingly frequent urges to just pack up, delete my Facebook and go completely off the grid, getting lost in strange and exotic foreign places. Lawrence of Arabia in Morocco. Not knowing the unknown is turning me on more and more everyday, as well as the idea of just giving the finger to all the people back home who are getting married young, stuck in nine-to-fives that they hate, and coming home to deal with the mortgage and car insurance people. I left the country the first time with no actual plan, one bag and sixty dollars in my pocket and I don’t regret a single moment. And I don't mean all those cliche travel pictures and utter bullshit you see on social media telling you to just ‘pack up and go’, I mean actually deserting myself. Exile on Main St. Highway Child. Midnight Rambler.

The lust for this has never been greater. I keep asking myself just what is holding me back?

My biggest fear is living a life just like everyone else, a life that no one remembers. Why should I listen to any authority or second guess myself? Time will tell and hopefully sooner or later. And if I’m not mistaken, and I surely hope not, I may have found someone to do it with. A woman unlike anyone else Ive met or ever known before. A woman who, somehow exceeds everything I think about her constantly and is basically the exact fibre of my dream girl since I was fifteen. Physically outrageous, a beautiful figure. Mentally, she keeps me on my toes only because I hope to somehow match her standards. Well travelled and with such an eerily alike mind to my own its more than possible we were once together in an earlier life. My best efforts of a description is a glorious hybrid of a gypsy, voodoo witch, mermaid, and the Goddess Aphrodite all in one. With a sprinkling of a rebellious 1960’s mindset which only turns me on further. Making love to her only broke my mind in two and made me question everything. She’s everything I ever wanted from every rock and roll song Ive listened to, and she’s in all of them. And believe it or not I only knew her for three days before she flew off again, once more traveling. While Im starting to feel a little stuck in this place. Most would say Im crazy, but I already knew that.

I do wonder what, and how exactly she’s had such an effect on me. It makes me look back at every other girl I’ve ever been with and realize that they do not even come close to her or the psycho-electric effect she has on me. And if you know me, you’d know I dont feel like this to anyone, ever. She’s touched me deep down, and the next few months or years or whatever only promise to be very exciting.

Im trying, and not succeeding very well, to look back at everything over the past few months and years, if you couldn’t tell by now. How many people did I meet for five minutes and never see again? Friends or lovers for one night and then gone the next day never to be seen? I look at what all my ‘friends’ are doing back home, studying in their first or second year. My best friend living with his fiancee and hating every second, constant fighting and the such but too scared to leave because he believes he loves her and well, believes he cant do any better. In love with the security and constant hard work I suppose. A friend through the grapevine told me recently that he has lost respect for me and hates the lifestyle I live. I wont lie and tell you I wasn’t hurt or taken aback. We’ve spent four years together, done much, and always confided in one another. Is he jealous of the knowledge that Im traveling the world, free and easy, able to go to the bar every night and dance with exotic girls while he is forced to come home after work to a nagging unloving bitch that makes his life hell? He would never admit that. Im not scared to tell it exactly how it is though. Another trait passed on to me from my father, whom I miss so.

If I had never made the decision to leave all those months ago would I be in the same position as my friend right now? Maybe. More than likely, I was in a long term relationship with someone I thought I loved, about to get sucked into that domesticated world before I jumped ship. Haven’t seen her since actually. Thanks for the memories girl, but you weren’t for me.

Life would be very different and it would bore me to death. I prefer dying in other ways in places where no one understands English.

Now my thoughts go back to my unbiological sister, we once were very close. Always looking after one another, often mistaken to be a couple but not. I thought I was in love with her too, but she’s changed so dramatically in the time I was away I hardly recognized her anymore during my homecoming visit. She lied to me many times in those three weeks, thinking I wouldn’t find out, and probably still thinking Im ignorant. Makes me wonder why we are like we are. She told me I changed a lot too and I’m no longer the Josh she knew, that I’ve grown cold and distant. Well look at yourself babe, can you really blame me? Its only further cemented my belief that you need to keep moving forward in such a way that they will never trap you or hold you down, until finally you find someone that you want to be trapped with. You know who you are.

“I thought you needed my lovin’, But it’s my heart that you stole. I thought you wanted my money, But you plundered my soul.”